A Writer's Life

Easily Fooled

The Los Angeles Times reports that a jury today convicted the notorious fraud Christian Karl Gerhartsreiter of murder. He's a guy who went around claiming to be a Rockefeller, a bond trader, and a Hollywood producer (he even claimed to be TV writer/producer Christopher Crowe, who is a real person). His frauds weren't very sophisticated, particularly if you happen to have a computer and an internet connection. But I know how easy it is for some people to be fooled.

Recently, I was a guest at a writer's conference and one of my fellow speakers/panelists was a guy who claimed to have written for scores of acclaimed network TV shows and a big upcoming movie. Based on his experience, he'd been invited to speak at writer's conferences, seminars, and libraries from coast to coast, including some nice paid gigs in Hawaii and Mexico. I'd never heard of him...and the instant I met him, I knew something was off.

For one thing, I knew one of the writers of the big, upcoming movie he claimed to have worked on...and I knew writer/producers on most of the shows he said he wrote for...and when I mentioned their names, he was evasive or said he came on the various projects before or after my friends were there. I might have bought that, screenwriting is a pretty nomadic business, but everything he said on his panels and in his talks about writing scripts and working on episodic series wasn't just wrong, it was inane. Even in our personal conversations, he said some pretty stupid stuff about the business. 

So I looked him up on IMDb. No credits. I googled his name, with the titles of the series he said he worked on, to see what came up... and the results I got all came from his website and the conferences he'd spoken at. Now my B.S. meter was in the red zone.

So I contacted my friends on the shows that he said he worked on. Not one of them had ever heard of him. 

So I called the Writers Guild of America's credits department and asked for his credits. They told me he wasn't a member and had no writing credits.

Clearly, the guy was fraud. And not a very sophisticated one either if a mere google search could unmask him. 

Now that the Guild was alerted to the guy, they investigated the issue in more depth, and sent him a strong cease-and-desist letter. 

What I don't get is how so many conferences, libraries, and seminars could have invited this guy to speak, and paid his way to tropical locales, without doing even the most basic check of his credentials. In this day and age, if a guy says he wrote for some of the most acclaimed shows on TV, you should be able to easily confirm it with a simple Google search.  And if you can't, that should be a big, fat, red freaking flag.

I alerted the conference organizers about this guy's fraud, and they said they'd always suspected something was off about him, but he seemed very knowledgeable and was so likeable that they let it go. They won't make that mistake again.

But it's not the conferences, libraries and seminars that booked him that I feel bad for...it's all the attendees over the years who paid to get this guy's bone-headed advice on writing for TV and movies. They're the ones who got taken. 

Steal a Sample Chapter

Now you can get a sneak peek at the first chapter of THE HEIST, the new novel that I wrote with internationally bestselling author Janet Evanovich. It's coming out June 18. Click here to read Chapter One. A sneak peak of Chapter Two will be available next month.

UPDATE: Link corrected.

Purple Prose

A friend recommended a crime novel to me that came out a few years ago from a major publisher and that was also praised by some big-name authors (including some who have praised my work). I brought the book along with me on a short day trip for something to read while my wife & daughter were shopping. The book was awful, but some of the terrible writing was worth sharing. Here are some of my favorite examples:

"A sustained orgasm of flowers filled the strip between the driveway and right side of the house."

This made me laugh out loud. So did some of the comments my Facebook friends made about it:

And on the other side of the driveway, a foreplay of hedges.

Haven't you ever had a sustained orgasm of flowers?

Better than a multiple orgasm of concrete.

Not just an orgasm of flowers, but a sustained orgasm of flowers. I want to live in that neighborhood.

Here's another excerpt:

"Staring at the picture, I had a clear sense of the living person whose image was cradled in chemicals on the bed of thick paper." 

Or as a less pretentious writer might say it: "I got a clear sense of the person from her photograph."

"The girl in the picture had a glimmer of erotic fear in her dark eyes, waving like a thin, white arm of a drowning person." 

So fear that is sexually arousing... or perhaps fear of something to do with sex...is visible in someone's eyes as a white glimmer that looks like the arm of someone who is drowning. Yeah, that makes sense. 

"Her short black skirt clung like a high priest's desire to the curves of her ass."

I suppose this might make sense if anybody had any idea what a "high priest's desire" is. A high priest of what? Tortured metaphors? Speaking of which...

"The night was filled with the exotic feeling California still evoked for me, surf shushing beyond the campfires, palm trees thrusting their composers' haircuts up into the starry sky, swaying with the symphony of the wind." 

Surf shushing? Palms thrusting? A composer's haircut? WTF? And am I the only one who thinks "a symphony of wind" sounds like another way of saying "a herd of cows farting"? 

 

The Mail I Get

If you're hiring a publicist, it's a good idea to find one who can write a coherent press release that reflects well on you and your product. Otherwise, the message you are sending is that you either don't possess basic English writing skills or that you don't value your product enough to care about how it is presented. Take this recent pitch from publicist Nancy Parker for example:

After we wrote an article on the blog we try to find sites that might be interested in hearing about the article to see if they would be willing to share it with their followers.  Accordingly, we recently wrote an article called  XYZ located here: XYZ.  It would be great if you could share this with others if you feel that it would be of interest to them especially those that follow your site.

Here is Nancy's bio:

Nancy Parker, regularly writes for XYZ. She is a graduate in English literature and currently pursuing her masters in Online Journalism. 

You'd think that someone who studied English literature and is pursuing a masters in Journalism would not only know how to write a sentence, but also how to compose a compelling hook for a press release.  This is an embarrassment. And, by extension, it makes the clients, a website for hiring nannies, look like idiots, too.

Big Week for BUMSICLE

We've had a flurry of festival acceptances this week for Bumsicle...and we learned that we've been nominated for Best Dramatic Short by the Bare Bones International Film Festival. The attention we're getting from all of these festivals is a real thrill for me and the entire cast & crew.

Here's the tally of festival picks so far... 

White Sands International Film Festival, Las Cruces, New Mexico - August 2012

Louisville's International Festival of Film, Louisville, Kentucky - October 2012

River City Festival of Film, Owensboro, Kentucky - November 2012

Trail Dance Film Festival, Duncan, Oklahoma - January 25-26, 2013

Bare Bones International Film & Music Festival, Muskogee, Oklahoma - April 4-14, 2013
Selected as Nominee for Best Dramatic Short Film

Myrtle Beach International Film Festival, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina - April 24-27, 2013

Cape Fear Independent Film Festival, Wilmington, North Carolina - May 9-12, 2013

Big Island Film Festival, Hawaii - May 23-27, 2013

...and, we hope, more to come!

The Mail I Get

I got an email from the maker of nutritional supplements urging me to take a stand against "sock puppet" fake reviews. How? By reviewing his product. Not only will I be striking a blow against fake reviews but, as an added incentive, he says it will also boost my own "helpful" review stats. 

Help me stop these fake "sock puppet" Amazon reviews.

I found your Amazon Review profile and wanted to see if you would like to review a nutritional supplement with "excessive" buzz?

XYZ was recently featured on the Dr Oz show and instantly became the world's #1 selling nutritional supplement. I'm not kidding, this product beat the top selling Multivitamin in Sales Rank!

Right now we are competing with some other companies to be the product with the most reviews on Amazon for "XYZ".

I'm pretty sure the two biggest reviewed competitors above us are using fake reviews to get to the top sales ranks. After looking through their reviews, it's pretty obvious that some of the "customers" are not real people.

Just shill accounts with hilarious reviews:

"This product is puppy dogs and rainbows. I lost 100 pounds, it cured my cancer, and it made me a millionaire in 5 seconds! Buy it!"

We've decided under no circumstances to use fake reviews, but we still want to beat these guys!

Right now we have 49 reviews and 4.5 stars, all from real customers.

The top seller has 302 reviews, a bunch of which are fake.

We can beat them the old fashioned way. With real reviews!

I'd like to send you a free bottle of our product XYZ in exchange for an honest review. I'm not asking for a 5 star review. You can give it 1 star and I'll be happy.

Since this is one of the hottest selling products on Amazon, you have the opportunity to rack up a ton of helpful votes and views for your review.

I don't see how helping him rack up reviews for his product will strike a blow against sock-puppetry or help him battle the unfair tactics of his competitors (especially since he claims his pills are already "one of the hottest selling" products on Amazon). He may not to be asking for fake praise, but his solicitation is still uniquely idiotic and sleazy. 

The Mail I Get

Here's a book I will never read:

Dear Lee,

I would like to introduce you to Fembodyverse: An Inner-Stellar Adventure into Womanhood. Seventeen-year-old Estelle has one wish—to feel like a woman. She believes by losing her virginity she will receive this magical feeling. Not only does this modern induction fool her, but an inner voice beckons her to a more ingenuous initiation. With a trusted guide, Estelle begins her inner-stellar adventure into womanhood, traveling through her body’s vast and starry dimensions. There, she cavorts with creatures, unravels mysteries, and meets unforgettable friends as she unlocks her embodied wisdom. Back and forth from the internal world and the external world she travels, her family and friends think she’s lost her mind as Estelle courageously claims her majestic value from the inside out. Fembodyverse chronicles the adventures of a new archetype and superheroine of our time; Estelle is here to infuse our world with inside-out value for women and girls everywhere.

I don't know about you, but I'm afraid to ask what it means to "infuse our world with inside-out value for women" by "cavorting with creatures" and exploring your "body's vast and starring dimensions." But I do like that last phrase. I am no longer on a diet to lose weight. I am dieting to control my body's "vast and starry dimensions."

"Bumsicle" Gets Some Love

This has been a great week for my short film Bumsicle, which I wrote and directed in Owensboro, Kentucky last year. We were picked up by both the Big Island Film Festival in Hawaii and the Cape Fear Film Festival in North Carolina. 

So far, "Bumsicle" has been selected by half-a-dozen festivals... from Hawaii to North Carolina, from Oklahoma to Kentucky. There are still thirty festivals that we've submitted to and haven't heard from yet...but at least we're on par now with Remaindered, the short mystery that also featured Todd Reynolds as Detective Bud Flanek. Clearly I am going to have to do a third short one of these days about Flanek.

These festival picks are the result of the wonderful work done by actors Todd Reynolds, Rick Montgomery, Sadia Brimm, and Josh Loren, singer/song writer Matt Branham, producers Rachael Nunn, J. Laine Nunn, and Roxi Witt, and everyone else in our talented cast and crew. I'm so glad they they are getting some notice outside of Owensboro for their work.

UPDATE 3-21 Bumsicle has been nominated for Best Dramatic Short at the Bare Bones International Film Festivals in Oklahoma. Winners will be announced April 14.

I'm Smokin'

I made two slabs of hickory-smoked, Santa Maria spare ribs on Sunday that were absolutely incredible. Marinated them in Santa Maria rub overnight, let them sit out for an hour or so at room temp, then smoked them for three hours in a Smokin-It Model One  with two hickory pieces in the smoke box. After they were done, we let them sit for 20 minutse under tin foil then dug in. They were perfect! I may never go out to a BBQ joint in LA again. I know this sounds like an advertisement/plug, but it's not. It's a genuine rave. My wife got me the smoker for my birthday and I've fallen in love with it. I've been smoking everythng but my Atkins bars! 

I've been munching on the left-over ribs today as I toil on book #2 in th new series I'm writing with Janet Evanovich. Just finished proofing the galleys for THE HEIST, book #1 in the series, so now it feels real to me.

I'm Flattered

I've been fortunate that every one of my 15 MONK novels has earned a great review from author Bill Crider and, I am pleased to report that MR. MONK GETS EVEN, my final book in the series, has kept that record intact. He says, in part:

Goldberg managed to do a great job of giving the books clever mysteries and good characters, but he did something even more difficult.  He gave them humor and heart.  Not only that, but he took the characters beyond the television series and gave them lives of their own.  They changed and developed over the course of the series in ways that were believable and intriguing.

[...] It's a fine conclusion to Goldberg's work with Monk and his friends and family.  The title of the book, given Monk's proclivities and given the way that the story concludes, is perfect.

I've mentioned before that I'm not a big fan of books that mingle first- and third-person narration.  Goldberg does it so skilfully here that I have no complaints.  I've never seen it done better.  Heck, I've never seen it done as well.  Congratulations to Goldberg on leaving the game as a big winner.

Thank you so much, Bill. I'm flattered! 

Related articles

Mr. Monk and the New Author

Mr. Monk is Appreciated

The Mail I Get - Mr. Monk Edition

My Final Monk

The Mail I Get - Made My Day Edition

Plotting Death and Destruction

I spent the day Saturday in the company of  a bunch of talented writers to plot a DEAD MAN novel...not just any book, but our biggest tale yet, both in page count and ambition. The story will be published next fall as a Kindle Serial (six to eight, 10,000 word "episodes" that will add up to one, cohesive novel). The project is being written by Phoef Sutton, Lisa Klink and Kate Danley from a shared outline. So series co-creator William Rabkin and I, along with DEAD MAN author David Tully (THE KILLING FLOOR), got together with them and we all spent the day cracking the story in a "writer's room" setting.

Bill, Phoef, Lisa and I are all experienced TV writer/producers, we are very comfortable with the "writer's room" process of hashing out the story as a group, analyzing every character motivation and story beat until we come up with all the moves of the story, which we layout on a white, dry erase board. It was a new experience for Kate and, to a lesser extent, for David, who has been part of a writer's room on some television projects in Germany (where his wife was a network executive).

The writer's room process is wonderful because not only do you benefit from the creativity of everybody in the room, but it also forces you to really explore, analyze and figure out all the angles of your plot and the motivations of your characters.

The group experience also forces you not to give in to the easy, lazy or cliche way of resolving plot and character issues...to go further and dig deeper. It means there are some inevitable frustration or disagreements, but it's all positive...because you end up with a much stronger, more-thought-out story.

It's my favorite part of the TV writing experience...spending hours, days and weeks in a room full of smart, clever, outrageously creative writers...all working to together to tell the best possible story.

Our writers room session for THE DEAD MAN went great. We first discussed character and our over-arching, creative goals for the book. Then we started talking broad plot points. Then we drilled down to the novel equivalent of the eternal TV question: "what do we want our act breaks to be?" (Or, in this case, the "cliff hanger" moment at the end of our six "episodes") And once we had that, we got into the nitty-gritty of the specific beats of each "act."

That's where the real work was. We hashed it out in spirited debates while eating lots of food (and, occasionally, diverging into discussions of lame plot points in SKYFALL and the last BATMAN movie. Do you realize Bond failed at *everything* he did in SKYFALL? He didn't do anything right. Still a great movie, though).

We got started at 10:30 am and by the time we finished around 5:30 pm, we'd plotted out the novel and felt great about what we'd come up with.  Or, as one person in the room put it, we accomplished in one day what it would take an author by himself a month or two to figure out. It's going to be a kick-ass, standalone DEAD MAN novel that requires no previous knowledge of the series to enjoy...but that will also satisfy our loyal fans with a game-changing story that acknowledges past events, answers some long-standing questions, sends Matt Cahill in an exciting, new direction.

Now everybody is writing up their portion of the outline, which Bill and I will cobble together into one document and submit to our editors at Amazon Publishing's 47North imprint for their notes. Once we have their input, the authors will start writing.

I wish I had a writers room for my novels...

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Booze Bullets and Broads

BOOZE BULLETS & BROADS by Bruce Scivally is an ebook examination of Dean Martin's Matt Helm movies and the subsequent TV series. I was thrilled when I heard about the ebook but it turned out to be a major disappointment. It's very short, more like an expanded article than a book. It's very light on details, and the author appears to rely almost entirely on facts and quotes culled from newspaper and magazine articles. I don't get the sense that he did many, if any, actual interviews of his own. Also, his declaration that the Bond producers were creatively influenced by the Helm films isn't based on any facts, but rather a wild assumption the author jumps to based on some plot and scene similarities between the two series. On that basis, you could just as easily argue the Bond films were influenced by THE WILD WILD WEST, THE AVENGERS, and MAN FROM UNCLE, too. But that's a minor quibble. Overall, the book is an interesting read, and you do learn some things about the development of the scripts and production of the films, but it's not nearly as well-researched and informative as I'd hoped it would be. The chapter on the MATT HELM TV series is particularly thin and, given how little information there is about it, was hardly worth including. In fact, if you take the plot synopses out, which are pure fat, there isn't much real meat left. That said, it's well worth the $2.99 investment for Matt Helm fans or fans of 60s spy films. (As an aside, the Kindle formatting of the book is terrible at the outset, but it gets better. Don't let that put you off).

Much more satisfying is Charles Kelly's fantastic GUNSHOTS IN ANOTHER ROOM, his long-awaited biography of Dan J. Marlowe, one of my favorite authors. This biography is almost as wild, compelling, dark and surprising as one of Marlowe's books, which includes the classic The Name of the Game is Death. Kelly has done an enormous amount of research and thoroughly knows his subject. What really sets this book apart from most literary biographies is the tight, novelistic approach he's taken to telling not only Marlowe's strange story, but also the tale of bank robber Al Nussbaum, who became Marlowe's collaborator. Marlowe fans will appreciate the fascinating, detailed look at the author as a person, as well as his complex relationships with his literary agent and two collaborators (William C. O'Dell and Nussbaum), but also the telling details behind the plotting and writing of his books, even those that never saw print. Highly recommended!

TV Main Title of the Week

A Peek at The Heist

From the Janet Evanovich newsletter:

The Heist

On Sale June 18, 2013

The con is on!

 

From Janet and her new co-author, Lee Goldberg (Monk), comes an electrifying new series featuring an FBI agent who always gets her man, and a fearless con artist who lives for the chase.

 

     FBI Special Agent Kate O’Hare is known for her fierce dedication and discipline on the job, chasing down the world’s most wanted criminals and putting them behind bars. Her boss thinks she is tenacious and ambitious; her friends think she is tough, stubborn, and maybe even a bit obsessed. And while Kate has made quite a name for herself, for the past five years, the only name she’s cared about is Nicolas Fox—an international crook she wants in more ways than one. 

 

     Audacious, handsome, and dangerously charming, Nicolas Fox is a natural con man, notorious for running elaborate scams on very high-profile people.  At first he did it for the money.  Now, he does it for the thrill.  He knows the FBI has been hot on his trail—particularly Kate O’Hare, who has been watching his every move.  For Nick, there’s no greater rush than being pursued by a beautiful woman... even one who aims to lock him up. But just when it seems like Nicolas Fox has been captured for good, he pulls off his greatest con of all: he convinces the FBI to offer him a job, working side by side, with special agent Kate O'Hare. 

 

     Problem is, teaming up to stop a corrupt investment banker who’s hiding on a private island in Indonesia, is going to test O’Hare’s patience and Fox’s skill.  Not to mention the skills of their rag-tag team of flamboyant actors, wanted wheelmen and Kate’s dad.  High speed chases, pirates and Toblerone bars are all in a day’s work... if O’Hare and Fox don’t kill each other first.

 

Read part one of chapter one on Evanovich.com later this month!

Busy Bee Lee

I've been so busy, I haven't been able to honor my New Year's resolution to post more often to the blog. But I'm sure you'll understand.

Last week I was in Florida, indulging my inner Fabio, doing a photo shoot with Janet Evanovich for our adventure novel THE HEIST, the first in our new series, which comes out June 18th.

Janet and I had a terrific time together, almost as much fun as we had writing the book, and I think that's going to come through in our author photos. But there was no rest for either one of us. We're already deep into writing the second book in the series and having a blast!

(Photo: Advertisement in hardcover edition of Janet's novel Notorious Nineteen)

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The Mail I Get - Mr. Monk Edition

I have been flooded with emails from readers of MR. MONK GETS EVEN, my 15th and final MONK book. The reaction has been so heartfelt, and so positive, that it almost makes me feel guilty for walking away from the series...though I know it's in very good hands now with my friend Hy Conrad picking up where I left off.

Here's just a sampling of some of the many, many emails I've received and the very nice things readers have been saying:

I’m about to start reading your last Monk novel, and I’m going to read very slowly because I don’t want it to be over. Thank you for giving me so much reading enjoyment, including many laugh-out-loud moments.-- Jan Roan

Why do all good things have to come to an end? Your Monk series is absolutely delightful. I got excited every time a new book came out. Thank you for what you've given to die hard Monk fans. It really meant alot.  -- Classiceman

ANOTHER BRILLIANT book!!!! And was so sad and shocked to read that this is your last Monk book. It was like a Monk Major Life event when I read that news. Anyway, thank-you for the many many years of great enjoyable reading. --Steve H. Karsten

As I read the last few MONK books, I realized you might be finishing the series.  I am so disappointed!   The enjoyment of visiting all the MONK characters is a treat, your style is easy to read, and a perfect way to relax.  The humor is amazing, and I suppose I will now be reduced to re-reading these novels again and again. -- Amy Tomlin

Thanks for all of the Monk books.  I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Mr. Monk when the show ended!  Loved the way you wrapped it all up. --Joelle Peterson

Thank you for 15 great Monk novels and innumerable hours of enjoyment. I am sorry to read number fifteen will be your last. Other than having great characters and a great mystery, the books were an outlet for me in my struggle against depression. Seriously. Whether I couldn't concentrate long enough or hold interest in other writers, I never missed a Monk book. Humor, mystery, and clean, I will miss them. Time to start the rereads, I guess. God's blessings to you, Mr. Goldberg. Not meaning to be maudlin, but you provided some light, enjoyable moments for me during dark times. Thank you--Jeff 

I started Mr. Monk Gets Even yesterday and finished reading it today. Well done. It feels as if at the age of '56' I am laying down a down a good friend who I am going to miss. I periodically will continue to go back and read "Monk" and listen to all the audiobooks I have of each one, probably as long as I live. I fully understand your reasoning and 'why', but I just wanted to tell you that your writings will be GREATLY missed. I would be remiss if I had failed to let you know. . Thank you again for your contributions not only to the writing field, but also for the hours of enjoyment you have brought to this life. -- Greg Souder

Hey Lee, just finished your final book sharing Monk's and Natalie's adventures. Thanks for an amazing ride - you'll definitely be missed!-- Debbie Laskey

Just finished Mr. Monk Gets Even - an awesome ending to a fantastic series! Sad it's over but couldn't put it down. -- J. Wilson

Thank you for writing the Monk books! I had never before gotten into a series of books that were based on a tv show. Once I picked up the first one though, I was hooked! I enjoy the books every bit as much as the show, if not more! -- Celest Elmer

I really enjoyed your books and one of the things I liked best about your writing is that you've given Natalie a snarkiness that was just somewhat implied in the TV show. I like snarky Natalie [...] I read that you are 'retiring' from the novel series but I thought I'd just write and express my appreciation for the fine work you've done with the Mr Monk novels. 

--Danny Chen

There are fun benefits to having seen all the Monk episodes and reading all the Monk books. I just read Mr. Monk Gets Even and really enjoyed the references to past works and shows. And the nod to Diagnosis Murder! Thanks, Lee, for the great journey with you and Mr. Monk!!

-- Ruth Fisher Stoddard

Haven't been this excited since Deathly Hallows. Thanks for an awesome run Lee. I sure do love this series. -- Kelly Choma

I finished Mr. Monk Gets Even today... it was absolutely lovely!! I've thoroughly enjoyed each one in your series - and this one absolutely glows! I appreciate how the characters have continued to grow throughout the series, including Mr. Monk - whether he likes it or not. You've taken such incredibly good care of each one of them. And though I wouldn't have believed I would, I even enjoy the new regular characters. It all just works beautifully! Honestly, before this, I've always scoffed at the idea of book series based on TV shows, but Mr. Monk's absence from TV drove me to give them a chance. Well - you've completely won me over! I've become as big a fan of the Mr. Monk books, as I am the show. Thanks for such a wonderful series - and for keeping Mr. Monk going strong!! - Heather Sikora James

 

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(via The Rap Sheet)

Writing on the Fast Track

I've had so much commercial and critical success with my ebook McGRAVE, which was based on an unproduced pilot I wrote for Sony International Television, that I've decided to write novelizations of all of my pilot and TV movie scripts, produced and unproduced, on which I retained the publishing rights. 

So during a brief hiatus between books in 2012, I novelized my first draft screenplay for FAST TRACK, the action movie I wrote and produced for Action Concept and ProSeiben in Berlin a few years ago.

FAST TRACK was a two-hour pilot for an American-style action series that would have been shot in English and German with a cast of American, Canadian, British, French and German actors and followed the lives of four young people in the world of illegal street racing. ProSeiben commissioned the pilot movie and scripts for six episodes. Making the movie, which was directed by Axel Sand and starred Erin Cahill, Andrew Walker, Alexia Barlier and Joseph Beattie, was one of the highlights of my career and the friendships I made during the production continue to this day. It was a fantastic experience professionally, creatively and personally (if you watch the "Making of Fast Track" documentary, I think you'll see why). Unfortunately, the series didn't happen...but perhaps because I've remained close to many of the actors, the characters have stayed fresh in my mind. I haven't been able to let go of them, and have tried to resurrect the project several times over the years (we came close with Cartoon Network, but it fell through).

So I approached the opportunty to revisit the FAST TRACK world with enthusiasm. I used the first draft screenplay as the basis for the book because it had some action elements that we either had to omit or re-imagine due to budget/scheduling/location issues and a prologue that was shot, but that I ultimately cut, in the final edit (I've always regretted cutting the prologue).  

The film took place in Berlin, but I decided the novella would work better in the United States, so that required some rethinking of the characters' backstories and reworking some of the scenes. I also did a complete update on the cars, with the help of Sam Barer, the same technical consultant we used on the movie. 

I had so much fun writing the FAST TRACK novella that if it does well, I may revisit the characters in sequels based on the twelve episode ideas that I came up with during the development of the pilot (though the stories,which I haven't looked at in years, may have been so Berlin/Europe-centered that they may not work in the new, Los Angeles setting).

But this experience has definitely spurred me on to take a look at my other scripts. I don't know yet which one I will tackle during my next short hiatus.

If you'd like to know more about FAST TRACK, here are some links:

The Making of Fast Track documentary

The Fast Track Trailer

The Fast Track Movie

My Blogs About the Production, Post-Production and Promotion of Fast Track

Love is Murder

I spent last weekend as a special guest at the Love is Murder conference in chilly Chicago and I had a terrific time.

It's probably the smallest mystery conference I've ever been too and, reflecting the huge popularity of self-publishing, there seemed to be more authors than readers in attendance. In fact, there were two big "group" signings over the weekend and there were so many "authors" sitting behind tables that there were maybe three actual "readers" left standing to buy books. I've signed more books at funerals.

But the small number of attendees also made the conference more intimate, and I had a lot of opportunities to talk shop with authors like William Kent Krueger, Bob Mayer, Blake Crouch, Joe Konrath, Ann Voss Petersen, F. Paul Wilson, Robert Goldsborough, Jamie Freveletti, Libby Fischer Hellmann, Sparkle Abbey, Hannah Dennison and Raymond Benson, to name just a few (that's me with Kent and Libby in the picture). We spent a lot of time trying to figure out where the publishing business is going, though we didn't manage to come up with the answer. But we agreed that it's a great time to be an author.

I was treated by Joe Konrath to the worst hamburger I've ever had in my life. It was from White Castle. Joe, his wife, and F. Paul Walker went wild over those burgers. I sent mine to a forensic lab for analysis and am awaiting the results. I'm curious to know what that very thin, oddly-colored patty was actually made of. When Joe comes to Los Angeles, I'm going to take him to In-and-Out or The Habit so he can see what a real hamburger tastes like.

I was a guest on many lively and fun panels, including one on writing characters created by others. My fellow panelists were Robert Goldsborough, who talked about picking up Nero Wolfe where Rex Stout left off, and two strange women who wore matching shirts covered with their bookcovers and talked about revising an unfinished manuscript written by a dead guy...with help from his ghost. I kid you not.

One of the women said her first novel came to her in a dream. She encountered Bugs Bunny on a spirit path, he opened his skull, and there was her book, cover and all, inside his head. She read the book, woke up, then ran downstairs to make notes and describe the cover. She then fleshed the story out with the help of her friend's dead father's ghost. Or something like that. Their process was so confusing, and there were so many ghosts and cartoon characters involved in their writing, that it was hard to follow. They also read aloud from their book, which was a real treat.

On Sunday, Libby took me on a tour of Chicago, and one of our stops was the Sears Tower, where I discovered that I have a slight fear of heights...it revealed itself to me when I stepped out on the "skydeck" that is basically a piece of plastic hanging out over the street where a normal window is supposed to be. I couldn't help thinking I'd be the one who finally fell through...and for what? A photograph. Libby was very amused by my discomfort.

Afterwards, we met with Jamie Freveletti for some deep dish pizza and shop talk, which I really enjoyed. I realized that one of the things I miss most about being on a TV show is all the time spent in the writers room, working with other writers. Now that I'm primarily a novelist, my writer's room is me and my dog, who doesn't contribute much when it comes to breaking stories.

I flew home on Monday. On the plane, a young woman fell asleep and snuggled up against me. That's not the first time that's happened. I must have a very comfy shoulder. After about an hour, I moved a bit and woke her up. She was startled an mortified, not so much because she discovered that she was clutching me, but because the first thing she saw was a graphic, brutal sex scene from Game of Thrones on my iPad. If the plane wasn't full, I think she would have switched seats.

All in all, a very pleasant trip. Next week, I am off to Florida for a photo shoot for The Heist, the book I wrote with Janet Evanovich.

The Mail I Get

I got this question today...

I found you on the net searching for publishing companies , checking out tate etc.. and your name came up on a Review kinda about them.. I was wondering in the blog you mentioned the Lulu and something else.. question I had was... I am looking for a better way to do the same work as this company , it seems my Book is only main stream online not really in alot of book stores at this time.. thus I could do the same myself? you had mentioned Amazon as well..I write about the conflict of life in question , anything from religious and questionable I love to question thinking and one self in question... life whatever can help anyone.. well I can imagine you get alot of mail.. any advice?

Yes. This is going to sound very cruel, but my advice is to go back and take a basic English course. Once you've learned how to construct coherent sentences, and then how to shape them into paragraphs that convey a story, then you can worry about how to publish a book. Judging by your email to me, the biggest problem you have now isn't finding an honest self-publishing company, it's mastering the craft of writing itself. 

 

A Novel Only H & R Block Could Love

The publishers of Ian Hamilton's The Disciple of Las Vegas: An Ava Lee Novel are attempting to position the book as Canada's answer to Steig Larssen and, get this, Ian Fleming, which says a lot about Canadian thrillers...and none of it good. Imagine Jack Webb adapting The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and that will give you a sense of how "thrilling" this book is.

Ava Lee is a Toronto forensic accountant hired to recoup $65 million pilfered by a Vancouver executive working for a beer company in Manila. Oh, and she's a lesbian and a martial arts expert, not that either one of those aspects of her personality come into play at all...unless you count a brief fight and a couple of dull email exchanages with a stranger to arrange a blind date. 

It's clear that Hamilton has no idea how to construct a thriller, much less a compelling story. The first hundred pages of this book are nothing but plodding, heavy-handed exposition without a shred of actual drama or conflict, all told without the slightest bit of style, wit, or fun.

Once the exposition finally lets up, the heroine spends her time flying from place to place, interviewing people, checking her email and making phone calls to tell other characters the boring things we already know. It's all about as action-packed and fun to read as a spreadsheet.

But the crippling problem with this listless story, beyond the exposition and repetition, is that there's no real conflict for Ava to confront or dramatic obstacles for her to overcome. The emotional and physical stakes aren't just low, they are non-existent for Ava and her clients who, to make matters worse, are depicted as thoroughly unlikeable and unworthy of her efforts.

So there is zero reason for the reader to care about what happens, and no rooting interest beyond, perhaps, wanting one-dimensional Ava to get her commission on the recovered money. That's not enough to motivate readers to slog their way through this book.  

And they really shouldn't bother.

Nothing remotely interesting happens until page 218, but after ten surprisingly violent pages that offer some hope that things might finally start moving, the book falls right back into its deep, narrative slumber until the very end, a long and tiresome 130 pages later. 

Ava may be a martial artist but she vanquishes her adversaries and overcomes her obstacles, what few insignificant ones there are, with phone calls rather than action. The climax of the book (and I'm being very generous calling it that) comes down to her making some phone calls to ask other people to make some phone calls, and then us hearing about those phone calls in some more phone calls. As if that wasn't enough fever-pitch phone call excitement, in the final confrontation with the bad guys, Ava offers to make one more phone call.   

I suppose it's only fitting then that the epilog is Ava making some more phone calls and answering her emails.

Lisbeth Salander and James Bond, eat your hearts out.

Guest Blog: Anthony Neil Smith on Writing THE DEAD MAN #16: COLDER THAN HELL.

Anthony Neil Smith on writing COLDER THAN HELL, out this week on Amazon...

Look, I don’t do supernatural. I just flat out thought that was beyond me. I write crime novels about people doing awful things to each other, no ghosts or monsters or demons in sight. But this Dead Man thing, I was watching it grow with awe. Several friends of mine, also crime writers, got caught up in the fervor and churned out some great horror pulp. And I was jealous. Really jealous. But…I couldn’t do that sort of thing, could I? And not that they would ever ask me, anyway.

But then I got an email from Bill Rabkin—co-creator of The Dead Man series along with Lee Goldberg—who I had met via Tod Goldberg and who was writing a screenplay adaptation of my novel Yellow Medicine. That magical, unlikely email asked me to write a Dead Man novella. Yep, one o’ them spooky, supernatural, knock-em-out, fists and axes and evil spirits sort of books.

I was thinking, There is no fucking way I can do this.

But what I said was, “Yes. Yes. Yes. Fucking yes.”

And then I told them I’d get to work in May, probably have it in a couple of months.

At which point I fell off a writing cliff and had to drag my ass back up the sheer rock face inch by inch.

No idea what happened. I had recently finished a short, punchy third entry in my Billy Lafitte series. I was riding high off some nice reviews and decent sales of All the Young Warriors. But then it was as if words and me stopped getting along. In fact, those goddamn words were bullying me. Taunting me. And I didn’t know what to write.

But I was under contract for Dead Man. I had to write it. I wanted to. It ended up helping me break the drought and get back to the normal flow of things. But it didn’t take two months. It took nearly five, and I even went over the deadline by a week.

The story came to me more easily than I had expected.  At least some of it. If I had to pitch it, it would come across as “The Shining, but on a frozen interstate.” One of the most frightening things I’ve come across while living up north is the idea of being trapped in your car on an interstate or highway due to snow and ice. You’re surrounded by hundreds of others in the same boat, but you’re all little islands of loneliness, seems to me. So what if some horrible virus or spirit or [INSERT SUPERNATURAL THING HERE] was loosed on top of that?

Fine, fine, the guys in charge liked the idea. They just didn’t get the cause of it all. Something wasn’t clicking. Two reasons for that: 1) I was trying to be a bit too ambitious by tying some ancient evil from a previous Dead Man into this one, hoping to cement a place in the “mythology”, and 2) Again, I don’t do supernatural.

Anthony Neil Smith

But I wrote it, including an old 18^th Century diary, some Scandinavian settles in North Dakota who met up with evil Native Americans from The Dead Man #5: The Blood Mesa who had some more ancient evil that was older than Mr. Dark’s evil, and so there was a killer on the loose and an Indian golum, and and and…

What the hell was I thinking?

I finally finished it, turned it in, and waited to be told how bad it was.

Now, the thing I discovered about Lee during the outline process is that he is one tough son of a bitch when it comes to ideas. He was shooting them down all night long. I could imagine his Grinch-like sneer as my emails came in, rubbing his hands in glee as he printed them out for the sole purpose of watching them burn.

But after I turned in the draft, something remarkable happened. His heart grew three sizes…for the first half of the novella, anyway. All the other historical/mythology stuff? I had truly wasted my (and his) time. As bad as I thought it was. That doesn’t mean I didn’t try to save it. Of course I did. That was a month’s work! But it came down to Lee telling me, “Rewrite the second half. You’ve got a month.”

And I was all like, “But how do I…what should I…Can’t you tell me…?”

And the guru said, “Well, how about [INSERT SUPERNATURAL THING THAT PUT MY SUPERNATURAL THING TO SHAME, AS IT WAS MUCH MUCH BETTER HERE]?”

Why come I hadn’t thought of that? So I was learning a lot about how this sort of story works, what’s expected, how to subvert what’s expected and still deliver a good fright. And best of all, I had to write about fifty pages in a month.

In a good week, I can maybe get fifteen pages done. I hadn’t been having good weeks. But still, fifty pages was within my window of doable.

Five weeks later, I turned it in again. And this time the damn thing worked.  We went through a few edits, not so hard at all, and then Jeroen ten Berge put together a killer cover for it. This was actually happening! I was a Dead Man author! Not only that, but the turnaround on this book was a few months—it would be out by the end of January. That, of course, continued to shore up my already good impression of Amazon Publishing. They knew exactly what they were doing.

Once Dead Man #16: Colder Than Hell was out of my hands, my head was spinning with new ideas—how to fix the stalled novel, how to get a couple of other ideas I had into bed together for yet another novel. I was thinking much more like a pulp writer—write the damned story. Faster. Think through the first two drafts in your head, put the third one down as the first. Hey, I did it once, I could do it again.

All in all, this was a tremendous experience. I’m glad Lee and Bill let me play in the Dead Man toy box, and I look forward to trying it again one day, maybe. In the meantime, there’s not an hour I sit at the typewriter when I don’t think about how my writing process has changed for the better after Dead Man.

Hope you’ll check it out. And if you do happen to have travel plans through North Dakota in the winter, make sure to bring extra layers, some gloves, a thick blanket, and a last will and testament. Just in case.

Coming Next Fall to a TV Near You

It's the time of year when networks start ordering pilots for proposed TV series for next year's fall schedule. The Hollywood Reporter has a wrap-up of what's been ordered so far. It looks like this is the first pilot season in years that doesn't include a "re-imagining" of an old TV show. Thank God. But there are plenty of adaptations of movies in the works (About a Boy, Bad Teacher, Beverly Hills Cop, etc.) and quite a few based on books.

Here are some of the more unusual concepts being considered...

The Returned
Logline: What happens when the people you have mourned and buried suddenly appear on your doorstep as if not a day's gone by? The lives of the people of Aurora are forever changed when their deceased loved ones return.
Cast:
Team: W/EP Aaron Zelman (Criminal Minds)
Studio: ABC Studios, Brillstein Entertainment, Plan B

The Ordained
Logline: The son of a Kennedy-esque family leaves the priesthood and becomes a lawyer to prevent his politician sister from being assassinated.
Cast:
Team: W/EP Lisa Takeuchi Cullen; EP Frank Marshall, Larry Shuman, A.B. Fischer; co-EP Robert Zotnowski
Studio: CBS Television Studios

Delirium
Logline: Based on best-selling trilogy about a world where love is deemed illegal and is able to be eradicated with a special procedure. With 95 days to go until her scheduled treatment, Lena Holoway does the unthinkable: she falls in love.
Cast:
Team: W/EP: Karyn Usher (Prison Break, Bones); EP Peter Chernin, Katherine Pope
Studio: 20th Television, Chernin Entertainment

The List
Logline: When members of the Federal Witness Security Program start getting killed, U.S. Marshal Dan Shaker leads the hunt for the person who stole “the list” – a file with the identities of every member of the program.
Cast:
Team: W/EP: Paul Zbyszewski (Lost, Hawaii Five-0, Daybreak); EP Ruben Fleischer (Gangster Squad)
Studio: 20th Television

Girlfriend in a Coma
Logline: After almost two decades, a 34-year-old woman wakes up from a coma to find out she has a 17-year-old daughter from a pregnancy she was unaware of when her life was put on hold.  (Single)
Cast:
Team: EP/W: Liz Brixius (Nurse Jackie); EP Dick Wolf, Danielle Gelber
Studio: Universal Television, Wolf Films
Format: Single-camera

Bloodline
Logline: A contemporary pulp thriller that revolves around an orphaned young girl named Bird Benson, who because of an accident of birth is caught in the struggle between two warring families of mercenaries and killers. Mentored by a Chinese man, Bird has to accept the quest to find and defeat her mother in mortal combat if she is to ever lead a normal life.
Cast:
Team: W/EP David Granziano (Awake, Terra Nova), EP/D Peter Berg, EP Sarah Aubrey
Studio: Universal, Film 44

 

Mr. Monk and the New Author

Here's the scoop, MONK fans, on Hy Conrad 's upcoming book MR. MONK HELPS HIMSELF. 

Monk and Natalie are settling back in San Francisco, with one big change. Monk has agreed to make Natalie a full partner. That means Natalie has to pass the California P.I. exam and Monk has to start treating her as an equal.

The trouble starts when Miranda Bigley, a self-help guru, jumps to her death in full view of a hundred people. It’s obviously suicide. But Natalie was a fan of Miranda’s life-affirming teachings, and she thinks there must be something more. Maybe even murder. Monk has handled dozen of impossible cases. But this one is really impossible, he says. If Natalie wants to look into it, she’s on her own.

Instead, Monk turns his attention to a clown, killed by poisoned money. It’s a case that could become one of the most important of his career. The only drawback? Monk is afraid of clowns (phobia #99), and Natalie refuses to help him if he doesn’t help her.

And so, they’re off on their own, with Natalie infiltrating the guru’s cliffside retreat, Monk trying to stay as far away from clowns as possible, and both of them trying to stay alive.

If there’s one case that can teach them the importance of an equal partnership, this is it.

Robert B. Parker's Ironhorse

Robert Knott's IRONHORSE is not as good as Robert B. Parker's first two Virgil Cole novels, but it's better than his last one, which was truly awful on just about every level. Knott doesn't have Parker's characters down at all (Cole makes many uncharacteristic, dull expository speeches in this book), and there's quite a bit of repetition, with the characters telling one another what we already know (a rookie mistake for newbie authors), and he doesn't capture Parker's lean style. But taken on its own merits, IRONHORSE is an enjoyable western none-the-less, with a fast-moving, twisty plot and some strong action. Bottom line: it doesn't come close to Ace Atkins' brilliant Spenser novel, which perfectly captured Parker's voice, nor was it as bad as Michael Brandman's execrable Jesse Stone books.

Edgar Award Nominees Announced

Here are the nominees for the 2013 Edgar Allan Poe Awards, honoring the best in mystery fiction, non-fiction and television, published or produced in 2012. 

BEST NOVEL

The Lost Ones by Ace Atkins (Penguin Group USA – G.P. Putnam’s Sons)
The Gods of Gotham by Lyndsay Faye (Penguin Group USA – G.P. Putnam’s Sons)
Gone Girl: A Novel by Gillian Flynn (Crown Publishers)
Potboiler by Jesse Kellerman (Penguin Group USA – G.P. Putnam’s Sons)
Sunset by Al Lamanda (Gale Cengage Learning – Five Star)
Live by Night by Dennis Lehane (HarperCollins Publishers – William Morrow)
All I Did Was Shoot My Man by Walter Mosley (Penguin Group USA – Riverhead Books)
 

BEST FIRST NOVEL BY AN AMERICAN AUTHOR

The Map of Lost Memories by Kim Fay (Random House Publishing– Ballantine)
Don’t Ever Get Old by Daniel Friedman (Minotaur Books - Thomas Dunne Books)
Mr. Churchill’s Secretary by Susan Elia MacNeal (Random House Publishing– Bantam Books)
The Expats by Chris Pavone (Crown Publishers)
The 500 by Matthew Quirk (Hachette Book Group – Little, Brown and Company – Reagan Arthur)
Black Fridays by Michael Sears (Penguin Group USA – G.P. Putnam’s Sons)
 

BEST PAPERBACK ORIGINAL
 
Complication by Isaac Adamson (Soft Skull Press)
Whiplash River by Lou Berney (HarperCollins Publishers – William Morrow Paperbacks)
Bloodland by Alan Glynn (Picador)
Blessed are the Dead by Malla Nunn (Simon & Schuster – Atria Books - Emily Bestler Books)
The Last Policeman: A Novel by Ben H. Winters (Quirk Books)

 
BEST FACT CRIME

Midnight in Peking: How the Murder of a Young Englishwoman Haunted the Last Days of Old China by Paul French (Penguin Group USA - Penguin Books)
Devil in the Grove: Thurgood Marshall, the Groveland Boys, and the Dawn of a New America by Gilbert King (HarperCollins Publishers – Harper)

More Forensics and Fiction: Crime Writers' Morbidly Curious Questions Expertly Answered by D.P. Lyle, MD (Medallion Press)
Double Cross: The True Story of the D-Day Spies by Ben Macintyre (Crown Publishers)
The People Who Eat Darkness: The True Story of a Young Woman Who Vanished from the Streets of Tokyo – and the Evil that Swallowed Her Up by Richard Lloyd Parry (Farrar Straus & Giroux Originals)

 
 
BEST CRITICAL/BIOGRAPHICAL
 
Raymond Chandler's Philip Marlowe: The Hard-Boiled Detective Transformed by John Paul Athanasourelis (McFarland and Company)
Books to Die For: The World's Greatest Mystery Writers on the World's Greatest Mystery Novels edited by John Connolly and Declan Burke (Simon & Schuster – Atria Books – Emily Bestler Books)
The Scientific Sherlock Holmes: Cracking the Case with Science and Forensics by James O’Brien (Oxford University Press)
In Pursuit of Spenser: Mystery Writers on Robert B. Parker and the Creation of an American Hero edited by Otto Penzler (Smart Pop)


BEST SHORT STORY

"Iphigenia in Aulis" – An Apple for the Creature by Mike Carey (Penguin Group USA – Ace Books)
"Hot Sugar Blues" – Mystery Writers of America Presents: Vengeance by Steve Liskow (Hachette Book Group – Little, Brown and Company – Mulholland Books)
"The Void it Often Brings With It” – Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine by Tom Piccirilli (Dell Magazines)
"The Unremarkable Heart" – Mystery Writers of America Presents:  Vengeance by Karin Slaughter (Hachette Book Group – Little, Brown and Company – Mulholland Books)
"Still Life No. 41" – Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine by Teresa Solana (Dell Magazines)
 

BEST JUVENILE

Fake Mustache: Or, How Jodie O’Rodeo and Her Wonder Horse (and Some Nerdy Kid) Saved the U.S. Presidential Election from a Mad Genius Criminal Mastermind by Tom Angleberger (Abrams – Amulet Books)
13 Hangmen by Art Corriveau (Abrams – Amulet Books)
The Quick Fix by Jack D. Ferraiolo (Abrams – Amulet Books)
Spy School by Stuart Gibbs (Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers)
Three Times Lucky by Sheila Turnage (Penguin Young Readers Group – Dial Books for Young Readers)


BEST YOUNG ADULT

 Emily’s Dress and Other Missing Things by Kathryn Burak (Macmillan Children’s Publishing Group – Roaring Brook Press)
The Edge of Nowhere by Elizabeth George (Penguin Young Readers Group – Viking)
Crusher by Niall Leonard (Random House Children’s Books – Delacorte BFYR)
Amelia Anne is Dead and Gone by Kat Rosenfield (Penguin Young Readers Group – Dutton Children’s Books)
Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein (Disney Publishing Worldwide - Hyperion)

 
BEST TELEVISION EPISODE TELEPLAY

“Pilot” – Longmire, Teleplay by Hunt Baldwin & John Coveny (A&E/Warner Horizon Television)
“Child Predator” – elemeNtarY, Teleplay by Peter Blake (CBS Productions)
“Slaughterhouse” – Justified, Teleplay by Fred Golan (Sony Pictures Television/FX Productions)
 “A Scandal in Belgravia” – Sherlock, Teleplay by Steven Moffat (BBC/Masterpiece)
“New Car Smell” – Homeland, Teleplay by Meredith Stiehm (Showtime/Fox21)

 
ROBERT L. FISH MEMORIAL AWARD

"When They Are Done With Us" – Staten Island Noir by Patricia Smith (Akashic Books)
 

GRAND MASTER

Ken Follett
Margaret Maron
 

RAVEN AWARDS

Oline Cogdill
Mysterious Galaxy Bookstore, San Diego & Redondo Beach, CA
 

ELLERY QUEEN AWARD
                                                                                           
Akashic Books


THE SIMON & SCHUSTER - MARY HIGGINS CLARK AWARD
(Presented at MWA’s Agents & Editors Party on Wednesday, May 1, 2013)

Dead Scared by S.J. Bolton (Minotaur Books)
A City of Broken Glass by Rebecca Cantrell (Forge Books)
The Reckoning by Jane Casey (Minotaur Books)
The Other Woman by Hank Phillippi Ryan (Forge Books)
Sleepwalker by Wendy Corsi Staub (HarperCollins Publishers - Harper)
 

The Mail I Get - Made My Day Edition

I was very touched and flattered by this email, so I had to share it with you:

I say Thank You for my discovery of reading. That might sound strange coming from a 51 year male whose wife has thousands of books in our house. But I have never read a book since I was forced to in high school, even then I'm not sure I actually did.

While my wife was looking at books at a tag sale my daughter was looking at Mr. Monk is Miserable, she put it down, after my wife purchased several books we were leaving when the man gave my daughter the book. It was very nice of him, but what happened next has changed my life.

My daughter read the book. And when she was done she said, Dad, I know you don't read, but please try reading this book. My wife reads hundreds of books a year and had never gotten me to pick up a book, but when my little girl asked me to, I did. I could not put the book down. It was so easy to read, problem was it was the 7th book. I have a lot of catching up to do. So for my birthday I got book #1, Christmas, books 2, 3, and 4. So reading the acknowledgments I saw your website, and got your email address, and just wanted to say thank you.

You know I'll be getting the rest of the series to read, and after that I'm sure reading is in my future.

Isn't that amazing? I am going to keep this email on my wall so that when the writing gets tough, I'll be reminded of readers like him, stop my whining, and press on.

 

Sleazy Rights Grab

The Authors Guild reports that magazine publisher Conde Nast (Bon Appétit, GQ, The New Yorker, Self, Vanity Fair, Vogue, and Wired, among others,) is attempting to screw freelancer writers out of a significant chunk of the TV & movie rights to their articles. Movies such as Saturday Night Live and Hurt Locker began as magazine articles. 

[They] would slice writers' share of potential film and television income to freelance works appearing in its magazines by more than 50%. Its new boilerplate contract -- introduced last year -- would give the company a free, exclusive 12-month right to option dramatic and multimedia rights. Under the contract, Condé Nast could choose to extend that option by up to 24 months for a modest sum. Should Condé Nast exercise the option, the writer would, under boilerplate terms, be paid just 1% of the film or tv production budget. Negotiated film and tv agreements typically pay the author 2.5% or more of the production budget. [...] Christine Haughney of the New York Times writes about the contract and dispute today in an article that quotes Jan Constantine, the Authors Guild's general counsel.

 

The Mail I Get

I got this solicitation today from a woman I don't know:

I am the owner of this new platform a company that is launching now..

www.menduniversebuzz.wordpress.com

i am looking for some referrals re a writer for a novelization that launches as the prequel book to this universe...

I am half way through with an outline that needs to be re-edited and dialogue added...

full 118 page film script available to work with and my original epic and my team and all else.. I own all the rights to these works - registered at the writers guild etc.

I couldn't make any sense out of the email, so I looked at the site. That was even more incomprehensible (though just as badly written). It appears to be a blog dedicated to some fantasy world she's created and wants to exploit in books,movies, and a store. I think it has something to do with the magic of music, or musical magic, or God knows what. It's a real rambling mess.

It appears what she's looking for is someone to novelize a movie script of an outline of a novel that doesn't yet exist, except as a book proposal and an incoherent blog.

Well, she came to the right guy. I can't think of something I'd rather do or a more valuable use of my time. But darn it, I'm just too busy with other committments to jump at this great opportunity.

So it's all yours. Go for it.

Authors Behaving Badly

Oh my, author RJ Ellory can't resist promoting himself under fake names. Now he's been banned from Wikipedia after logging on under false identities to delete links to news stories about his outrageous "sock puppetry" on Amazon. The Telegraph reports:

Officials made the decision afterfinding that he had tried to delete stories from the profile as well as links to Telegraph.co.uk, and had breached its "self promotion" rules.

[...]Ellory took to this Wikipedia page to amend the wording of a “controversy paragraph” and the newspaper links which he says gave “completely the wrong bias on this issue [...] there is a significant matter of misrepresentation in the press regarding the extent to which I had manufactured 'reviews' on amazon [sic].”

This is clearly a guy with a huge ego (or is it raging insecurity?) who is so intent on praising himself that he doesn't realize how self-destructive his actions are, that all he succeeds in doing is making himself look desperate and pathetic.

The Mail I Get - Tell My Story Edition

I get lots of emails from folks who want me to write about their lives. I have no idea why, since I don't write biographies. The query I got today struck me as particularly odd.

hello, my name is jeremy XYZ. i have recently been convicted of fraudulant practice. just wondering if you or any other author would be interested in making a book. i am still not found guilty in court. but i am convicted of changing bar codes on products. this is a new trending crime. i am looking to do a tell all, once all court business is taken care of. i am not much of an author, but i feel that i can help someone publish a detailed book with alot of info that will catch readers minds and have them spreading the word. please feel free to call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx or e-mail me back. 

I'd call him, but there's a real glut of adventures set in the thrill-packed world of barcode fraud.

My Final Monk

Mr. Monk Gets Even, my 15th MONK novel, was published today. The series of books will continue, with my friend Hy Conrad picking up where I left off, but this is the end for me and my long, wonderful, association with Adrian Monk.

It began when “Monk” creator Andy Breckman hired me and my then-TV writing partner William Rabkin to write an episode of the TV series entitled “Mr. Monk Goes to Mexico,” which would end up being the first of three episodes we wrote for the show.

At the time, Bill and I were about to begin writing & producing the Lifetime TV series “Missing” and I was deep into writing the “Diagnosis Murder” novels, based on the TV series of the same name that we’d also written & produced. When Andy was approached about writing “Monk” novels, he passed on the opportunity and recommended me for it instead.

I took the job, which was an insane thing to do, since it would mean writing a new book every ninety days, alternating between “Monk” and “Diagnosis Murder,” at night while also running a TV series during the day. That’s how much I loved Monk. I kept up that brutal pace for two years before ending the “Diagnosis Murder” book series.

Andy liked my first “Monk” novel, Mr. Monk Goes to the Firehouse, so much, that he hired Bill and I to adapt it into an episode of the TV show. The episode, “Mr. Monk Can’t See A Thing,” may be the first time in American TV history that a tie-in novel of a TV show has been adapted into an episode of the series….and by the author of the book, no less (if it’s been done before, we haven’t found it. And if it has, it’s obviously a rare occurrence!)

If it wasn’t for Andy’s enthusiasm and support, I doubt I would have written so many “Monk” novels or had so much fun doing them. He gave me his trust and the creative freedom to make the book series my own, and for that I will always be grateful. 

I want to thank Kerry Donovan, who has been my editor on this series from the very beginning, my agent Gina Maccoby who put together the deal, and my go-to medical and forensic expert, Dr D.P. Lyle.  I also regularly leaned on my “cop buddies” Paul Bishop, Lee Lofland, and Robin Burcell for their expertise on police matters and I hope I didn’t embarrass them too much with the great liberties I took with the information they gave me.

It’s not easy writing two books a year, particularly if you’re doing it part-time while making your living in television. I can trace my life in these books, like Mr. Monk in Outer Space and Mr. Monk Goes to Germany, both of which I wrote while writing, producing and shooting a movie in Berlin and Cologne. They kept me sane, and out of trouble, while I was far away from home.  

For the most part, though, the time I spent on these books was time I didn’t spend with my family, particularly on this last one, which required more than a few all-nighters. So, with deep appreciation, I want to thank my wife Valerie and my daughter Madison for the sacrifices they made during the last seven years while I pretended to be a woman assisting an obsessive-compulsive detective on his investigations.

And finally, I want to thank all of you for being such devoted readers, and for the many emails, letters, and kind words you’ve shared with over the years about these books. It meant a lot to me.  

Jack Klugman, RIP

Sad to learn that Jack Klugman died today. I had the pleasure of working with him twice on episodes of DIAGNOSIS MURDER. I spent hours talking to him during the course of those shoots...and he was very candid about what a prick he was to the writers on QUINCY. He said: "Be glad you're working with me now and not back then!" When we cast him, he was just glad to be working...since his problem with his voice had really cut down on the number of acting jobs coming his way. Here are the opening scenes of the DIAGNOSIS MURDER episode "Voices Carry," which guest stars Jack Klugman. I think it was one of the best episodes of our show. 

 

A Ballsy Scam

I stumbled on this post from Writer Beware very late...but wow, what a ballsy and inept scam. A fake PR firm, the Albee Agency, advertised itself with fake endorsements from non-existent novelists and even a few real authors...and actually thought they could get away with it. Victoria Strauss caught'em. 

Now, these are all authors I'd never heard of before. Maybe their books never got published, or went out of print, or something. Maybe my Google-fu was just not up to par. But wait--here's an author I do know: Chuck Wendig (if you're not familiar with his blog, you should get to know it). Wow, Chuck really had a great experience with Albee, didn't he?

However, I have a suspicious mind. So I dropped Chuck a line, asking if he'd indeed hired The Albee Agency to do PR for him. His response:

Chuck Wendig@ChuckWendig

WTF? Who is the Albee Agency? They have a testimonial from me on their main page that I never made. thealbeeagency.com (@victoriastrauss)

[...]So....fake testimonials. Nonexistent authors; authors quoted without permission. There are no gray areas here: The Albee Agency is engaging in fraudulent behavior. This just emphasizes--as if y'all didn't already know--that writers need to watch out for scams.

The bigger point, though, is that even without the fake testimonials, there is plenty to beware of here. If Albee were absolutely, scrupulously honest about the authors it has worked with, it would still be offering services of dubious value for too much money, with no assurance of professional expertise.

And that, my friends, is a much bigger danger these days than an outright, bona-fide scam.

Transporter: The Series

I saw the first episode of the troubled TRANSPORTER tv series. And it's immediately obvious from the opening scenes why they've blown through two showrunners over just 11 episodes of what ened up being an aborted 22 episode order...and that the studios involved ended up putting their line producer and a director in charge. 

There's lots of European-shot 2nd unit car chases cut into a few scenes of Canadian-shot "drama." But beyond that, it's not a TV series as much as it is a TV adaptation of a co-production contract. Someone along the way forgot there's supposed to be characters and a story in a TV series. There's no creative vision whatsoever to the show, just deal points being honored, ticked off one by one without regard to whether any of it adds up to entertainment.

It doesn't.

 The only thing that's interesting about it, purely from a technical/editing standpoint, is studying how they matched their 2nd unit footage from Europe (which is 60% of the show) with the stuff they shot on streets and stages in Toronto. Sometimes it's very smooth, other times you can really see the rough edges. The actors (namely Chris Vance, stepping in for Jason Statham) clearly spent a lot of time acting with green screens. Watching the show reminded me of how Bill Rabkin and I built episodes of COBRA (syndicated 1993) around Steve Cannell's stock footage library to save money. 

The writing on the series is just atrocious and, since there is no human connection to the action, the stunts/chases lack any visceral impact. You just aren't invested in any of it. The martial arts sequences, though, are  cleverly done and well-staged.

But as Bill and I learned on MARTIAL LAW, that just isn't enough to sustain a series (at least Chris Vance speaks English and doesn't have to work with Arsenio Hall).

THE HEIST is coming

I've finally got a title and a pub date to share with you for the first book in the new series that I'm writing with superstar Janet Evanovich. It's called THE HEIST and comes out June 18th from Random House. 

We had so much fun writing THE HEIST, which is a rip-roaring, globe-trotting adventure that takes our heroes, a crack female FBI agent and an irresistably charming con man, all over the world. Here's how Headline Books, our UK publisher, describes it:

"Meet Kate Winslow - beautiful, street-wise and resourceful. A woman who is used to getting things done, and getting them done her way. After all, she's an ex-Navy seal. Now she's in the FBI where, like a guided missile, she always gets her target. Meet Danny Cole - irrevent, gorgeous and wealthy bad boy who loves his work...which is pulling off high-profile, high-risk cons all over the world. And never getting caught. Put the two together and it's an explosive mix. Kate has been trying to trap Danny for five years. And now she thinks she's got him...or has she? Blue skies, romance, crime and adventure all rolled into one fast-paced, heart-stopping thriller of a novel. Winslow and Cole : dynamic, diverse, dedicated, dangerous - and desirable."

I couldn't be more proud of the book, and we're jumping right into writing book #2 now, which is due in August.

In the meantime, I am also working on KING CITY 2  and a novel-version of my film 2008 movie  FAST TRACK. And I am itching to share some big movie news with you, but I can't yet (for one thing, it *still* may not happen, and for another, I have to wait for the studio to announce it first).

All of the above is why I haven't been nearly as active on this blog as I used to be...I just have too much going on. One of my resolutions in 2013 is to try to blog at least once a week.

The Mail I Get

I got an email the other day from Dan X. He wrote:

I'm trying to become a tv show writer and was wandering if you could help me out.

I replied:

I sure can -- all my best advice is in my book SUCCESSFUL TELEVISION WRITING. http://www.amazon.com/Successful-Television-Writing-Lee-Goldberg/dp/047143168

He replied:

I  was wandering if there was any other way, cause I'm good at creating tv shows but I just need someone like cbs to get ahold of