A Writer's Life

World's Dumbest Reality Show Winners

 I'm just waiting for one of the networks to do a reality show about the pathetic post-reality show lives of reality show winners & finalists, like SURVIVOR's Richard Hatch (who went to jail for tax evasion), WIFE SWAP's Richard Heene (who allegedly staged the "balloon boy" incident), MEGAN WANTS A MILLIONAIRE's Ryan Jenkins (who murdered his ex-wife), and SURVIVOR's Jenna Lewis (who did a sex tape), to name just a few examples. Now you can add BIG BROTHER winner Adam Jasinksi to the list.  This moron used the $500,000 he won on the show to buy oxycodone pills and resell them.

Adam Jasinski, 31, of Delray Beach, Fla., has been charged with attempting to sell 2,000 pills in Massachusetts to a government witness. Federal prosecutors said Jasinski was arrested Saturday after he flew to Boston and showed the witness a sock containing two plastic bags filled with oxycodone, a powerful painkiller that is a popular street drug because of its euphoric effects. As agents tried to arrest Jasinski at a strip mall in North Reading, he struggled and threw the sock under a car parked nearby, Todd Prough, a special agent with the Drug Enforcement Administration, said in an affidavit filed in court. Jasinski won $500,000 last year on the CBS reality show in which contestants live under constant surveillance and vote once a week to evict each other in hopes of becoming the last houseguest standing and winning the grand prize. Prough said in the affidavit that Jasinski told him that he has been using his winnings to buy thousands of oxycodone pills and has been reselling them along the East Coast for the past several months. Jasinski's lawyer, Valerie Carter, did not immediately return a call Tuesday. He faces a maximum of 20 years in prison and a $1 million fine on a charge of possession of oxycodone pills with intent to distribute.

I Bet This Guy Listens to Rush Limbaugh Every Day

Yes, it's 2009. Yes, we have an African-American president, but some people in the south still think it's the 1850s. Keith Bardwell, a justice of the peace in Louisiana, refused a marriage license to a mixed-race couple. 

"I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way," Bardwell told The Associated Press on Thursday. "I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else."

Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them.

Imagine what how racist a person would have to be to qualify as one in this neanderthal's mind...

Stuart Kaminsky Has Passed Away

 My friend Stuart Kaminsky died today. I really don't know what to say, so please forgive me if I ramble a bit. Stuart was not only a wonderful writer, he was a wonderful human being. He was unfailingly kind and supportive to his fans and his fellow writers. I was both. 

I first met him decades ago when I was a kid and a fan of his Toby Peters books, which I saved up to buy through the Mystery Guild (and wrote in each one "This book belongs to Lee Goldberg and Not You). I wrote him a fan letter and he wrote me back, and that started a correspondence that lasted off-and-on as I went from being an aspiring writer to a professional one.   

We became friends. He was one of the first writers to blurb me and gave me a lot of great advice over the years (and I was ridiculously honored, and thrilled, the first time he called me for advice on something. Actually, that never wore off). We've been produced together (NERO WOLFE) and published together (HOLLYWOOD AND CRIME) and worked together on various MWA committees over the years. The last time I saw him was a year ago in Kentucky, where he was staging an original Sherlock Holmes play at the International Mystery Writers Festival. We spent a week together and his boundless enthusiasm energized the whole event. That was the thing about Stuart, he never lost his love and his passion for writing...and it was contagious. I will miss him very, very much.

(The photo on the upper left is Bob Levinson, Stuart and me at the International Mystery Writers Festival last year. The picture in the lower right is me, Jan Burke and Stuart at the 2002 Edgar Awards. You can click on the images for a large view)

Polanski's Crime, Hollywood's Arrogance

Celebrity makes people stupid. That's the only explanation for Harvey Weinstein calling Roman Polanski's drugging, rape and sodomy of a 13-year-old girl a "so-called" crime, or Whoopi Goldberg shrugging it off as not a "rape-rape." Today, LA Times columnist Steve Lopez brilliantly summed up my feelings about the case...and,  I suspect, the feelings of anybody outside the entertainment industry, where it's assumed that anyone with talent, fame and an award statuette should get a free pass for illegal, immoral, and just plain inept behavior. Is it any wonder that Woody Allen supports Polanski? Lopez writes, in part: 

I'd like to show all these great luminaries the testimony from Polanski's underage victim, as well as Polanski's admission of guilt. Then I'd like to ask whether, if the victim were their daughter, they'd be so cavalier about a crime that was originally charged as sodomy and rape before Polanski agreed to a plea bargain. Would they still support Polanski's wish to remain on the lam living the life of a king, despite the fact that he skipped the U.S. in 1977 before he was sentenced?

[...] Yes, Polanski has known great tragedy, having survived the Holocaust and having lost his wife, Sharon Tate and their unborn son, to the insanity of the Charles Manson cult.

But that has no bearing on the crime in question.

His victim, who settled a civil case against Polanski for an unspecified amount, said she does not want the man who forced himself on her to serve additional time.

That's big-hearted of her but also irrelevant, and so is the fact that the victim had admitted to having sex with a boyfriend before meeting Polanski.

Polanski stood in a Santa Monica courtroom on Aug. 8, 1977, admitted to having his way with a girl three decades his junior and told a judge that indeed, he knew she was only 13.

There may well have been judicial misconduct.

But no misconduct was greater than allowing Polanski to cop a plea to the least of his charges. His crime was graphic, manipulative and heinous, and he got a pass. It's unbelievable, really, that his soft-headed apologists are rooting for him to get another one.

Why Are They Defending a Common Rapist?

Roman Polanski drugged, raped, and sodomized a 13-year-old girl and then fled to Europe to avoid imprisonment. If his name was Tyrell Washington, and he was black, and did everything Polanski did except direct movies, people would be thrilled that he was arrested. But because Polanski is an Oscar-winning director, we get abhorrent comments like these:

France's culture minister Frederic Mitterrand also criticized the U.S. "Seeing him alone, imprisoned while he was heading to an event that was due to offer him praise and recognition is awful," he said. "He was trapped. In the same way that there is a generous America that we like, there is also a scary America, and that has just shown its face."

In Germany, there was also support for the director. The Berlin Film Festival demanded Polanski be freed. "The Berlinale protests the arbitrary treatment of one of the world's most outstanding film directors," the fest said in a statement. "We declare our deep respect for Roman Polanski and we demand his immediate release."

The German Film Academy also condemned Polanski's detention. Academy presidents Senta Berger and Guenter Rohrbach said in a joint statement: "The German Film Academy finds it revolting that Roman Polanski has been arrested for an act committed more than 30 years ago."

I'm the father of a 14-year-old girl, maybe that's why I find all this anger over the arrest of a child rapist disgusting and infuriating. I don't care if he's made good movies. Why?

Because Roman Polanski drugged, raped and sodomized a 13-year-old girl...and fled the country rather than go to jail for his horrible crime. 

What is truly "revolting" is the defense of this criminal and the stunning hypocrisy that it represents. 

What the French government, German Film Academy and other fans of the director are saying is that raping a child, and being arrested for it thirty years later, is "awful" and "revolting" ... if the rapist happens to be a talented actor, writer or director. They don't seem capable of drawing a distinction between Polanski the director and Polanski the rapist. Yeah, his movies may be great, but he drugged, raped and sodomized a child...and then he ran.

We don't forgive other rapists for their crimes...we hunt them down. Why should Polanski be given special treatment? Because he's talented? Because he's married with kids? Because he's old? Because his now-adult victim has forgiven him? Because the judge may have intended to renege on a plea bargain and make Polanski do the prison time he deserved?

Hell no. Why? Because there's a message here, folks. And the message is:  you can't drug, rape and sodomize children and run from the law. You will be punished for your heinous crimes.

How would Polanski feel if someone drugged, raped and sodomized his children? Would he want the rapist to walk free if he has directing talent?

I know that the French government, or the Berlin Film Festival judges, would be making the same appeals on behalf of a black American plumber who'd committed the same crime. We all know it.

I, for one, am pleased that the Justice Department has not given up, has not been blinded by celebrity, and has finally nailed him. I hope they drag him back here and make him do his time.

Technology Rendering Some Cliches Obsolete

My daughter asked me what it meant when my wife told her that she sounded "like a broken record." I realized that technology was leaping way ahead of our cliches, rendering many of them obsolete to entire generations. 

I explained to her that  for years, people listened to music was on vinyl records, and that the music was picked up with a phonographic needle. A scratch on the album would cause the needle to skip and a piece of the song to repeat over and over and over again, much like her constant nagging for an iPhone.

"What a stupid way to listen to music," she said. "A needle?"

So now I'm wondering what are some other common, cliche phrases that are likely to make no sense at all to anyone born after 1990? 

(I guess referring to television as "the tube" makes no sense anymore. Same for "dialing a number.") 

I Hate The WGA Elections

I hate it when we're asked to vote for new WGA officers and board members. We get inundated with mails, each side attacking the other, and then we get that bulging election packet, with its candidate statements, candidate rebuttals, rebuttals of rebuttals, rebuttals of rebuttals of rebuttals, the non-candidate statements, the rebuttals of non-candidate statements, and the endorsement ads. Accusations, counter-accusations, and counter-counter-counter accusations.

I don't bother with most of that crap. I read nothing but the candidates statements and make my decisions based on that, my personal knowledge (if any) of the individual candidates, and my own take on where the industry stands and what I believe the direction of the Guild should be. I do not vote according to slates. I vote according to a candidate's principles, experience, ideas, and vision. But most important of all, I vote. 

If you are a WGA member, I urge you to vote as well.

For what it's worth, here is who I voted for:

President: Elias Davis

Vice-President: Tom Schulman

Secretary-Treasurer: Christopher Keyser

Board Members: Patric Verrone, Howard Rodman, Carleton Eastlake, Dan Wilcox, Ian Deitchman, Linda Burstyn, Chip Johannessen, and Luvh Rakhe.

Elmer Kelton Passes Away

I just learned the terrible, sad news that one of my favorite authors, legendary western novelist Elmer Kelton, passed away this morning. He's considered one of the greatest writers of westerns ever...in fact, he was named the number one western writer of all time by the Western Writers of America, which has honored him with seven Spur Awards for Best Novel. 

His best known work is probably THE GOOD OLD BOYS...thanks to the Tommy Lee Jones movie version... but his many memorable novels include THE TIME IT NEVER RAINED, THE SMILING COUNTRY, HONOR AT DAYBREAK, SLAUGHTER, THE DAY THE COWBOYS QUIT, and his "Texas Rangers" and "Sons of Texas" series. 

I don't think he ever got the credit and recognition he deserved outside of the western genre and that's a damn shame. His books weren't just great westerns...they were terrific novels by any measure. I was lucky enough to meet him once, a few years back, when he was in Los Angeles and found him to be a gracious, friendly, and funny man. He will be missed but I'm convinced that his work will continue to captivate, entertain, and enlighten readers for generations to come. 

UPDATE: Bill Crider,a top-notch western writer himself, remembers Kelton.

Writer Beware Kicks Butt

The Bookseller reports that a judge has thrown out a lawsuit by so-called "literary agent" and vanity press "publisher" Robert Fletcher against Writer Beware and ordered him to repay Victoria Strauss and Ann Crispin  all of their legal costs. 

Judge Thomas Connolly, who ruled that Fletcher and his company were liable for the costs, said: "The plaintiffs have exhibited extreme bad faith in bringing this frivolous lawsuit for the sole purpose [of] causing great expense and harassment to Crispin and Strauss... The court concludes and finds that this case was brought in bad faith by the plaintiffs."

The judge added that Fletcher's purpose was "not to prevail in the lawsuit but just to bankrupt the defendants". [...]Fletcher claimed the blogs "alleged fraud, misrepresentation and dishonesty towards authors" and were "defaming and libeling" by "publishing warnings to potential authors of the fraudulent practices of LAG and Fletcher". Fletcher operates a fee-charging literary agency/writers' consultancy under a variety of names.

I hope this will serve as a warning to others like Fletcher, and there are many of them out there, who think they can intimidate Writer Beware and prevent them from warning writers about deceptive publishing practices. 

It's also my hope that more organizations will join the Science Fiction Writers of America and the Mystery Writers of America in sponsoring Writer Beware...and that the support of major writers' organizations will frighten off scammers from filing frivolous lawsuits against the site.  

MWA Teams with Writer Beware

The Mystery Writers of America announced today that its co-sponsoring Writer Beware. I'm sure it will be no surprise to regular readers of this blog to learn that I spear-headed this effort.  I'm thrilled that we're able to help support Writer Beware...and I hope it leads to other professional writers organizations following our lead. Here's an article I wrote for the MWA newsletter about it:

The Mystery Writers of America is joining the fight against writing scams by contributing $1000 towards Writer Beware, a website & blog created by the Science Fiction Writers of America to expose fraudulent publishing practices and educate authors on how to protect themselves from being swindled.

“We are pleased to be able to support the important work that Writer Beware is doing on behalf of all writers, professional and aspiring, by exposing scams aimed at defrauding authors,” said Frankie Bailey, the MWA's executive vice president.

Writer Beware’s website, which was launched by SFWA in 1998, can be used by20any writer anywhere, regardless of whatever genre, fiction or non-fiction, that they work in...or their professional standing. And Writer Beware blog offers up-to-the-minute information on specific scams and schemes, along with essential advice for writers. They also help authors who have questions about individual agents, publishers, or contests.

“We are not only showing our support and making Writer Beware stronger, but sending a message to scammers that we won’t stand by and let them take advantage of authors,” said Lee Goldberg, the MWA board member who will act as the MWA liaison with Writer Beware.

"It’s vital that organizations like SFWA and MWA team up on these kinds of challenges,” said Russell Davis, President of SFWA. “We can accomplish far more working together than we can working on our own, and I hope other organizations will see this as an invitation to join in these types of group efforts.”

I will be reaching out to the International Thriller Writers and the Romance Writers of America to ask them to join us in supporting Writer Beware and fighting scammers.

UPDATE: Publishers Weekly has picked up the news...which is great. The more word spreads about Writer Beware, the less likely it will be that people will be taken advantage of by scammers.

The Last Picture Show

Larry McMurtry, one of my favorite authors, says that his next book, RHINO RANCH, may be his last.

"It's a finite gift, for sure," he says of novel writing. "I'm about at the end of it. I can write certain things. I don't think I can write fiction any more. I think I've used it up over 30 novels. That's a lot of novels. [...]Most great novels are written by people between 40 and 60, or 35 and 60. Not too many great novels are written by people over 75. Hardly any. Maybe Tolstoy."

RHINO RANCH comes out August 11th and is yet another sequel to THE LAST PICTURE SHOW, as were TEXASVILLE, DUANE'S DEPRESSED, and WHEN THE LIGHT GOES. I'm a huge fan of McMurtry's work, but I've found his "contemporary" novels of the last few years, particularly his sequels to THE LAST PICTURE SHOW, to be morose, meandering, and boring tales that lack his usual punch. I'll buy it and read it anyway, of course. Over the last 20 years, by far his best books have been his westerns, most notably LONESOME DOVE and its sequels and prequels.

But this is not the first time McMurtry has threatened to quit...and then followed the announcement by writing a great novel. 

Norton Hell, The Sequel

A Senior Technical Expert from Norton's Senior Technical Experts Department in Mumbai called me tonight with a resolution to my problem...or so he promised. All he needed to do was take control of my computer. I asked him how long this would take. He said one-to-two-hours. Since I was hard at work on my book, and producing the worst crap imagineable, I said sure, let's do it.

As you may recall, I was having trouble with Norton 360, which locked up my computer when it tried to clean my registry. Over the weekend I downloaded CCleaner and used it to fix my registry without a hitch. But I didn't tell him that. I wanted to see what the Senior Technical Support Expert would do.

Here is what he did once he got control of my computer...he ran Norton 360 and it cleaned my registry without locking up. He called me back to inform me that he had solved the problem.

"You haven't solved anything," I said.

"Yes, now it is working because I solved it."

"All you did was run the program again," I said. "You didn't actually DO anything."

"It wasn't working before and now it is because I have resolved the issue."

"It's working because over the weekend I ran CCleaner on the registry," I said. "You didn't provide a solution.  CCleaner did. I had to use different software."

"The Norton product is now working due to our previous technical support action and the resolution I conducted today. I am glad I was able to resolve the issue. Is there anything more I can help you with today?"

I decided to see just how well Norton actually worked.  While he was still on the phone, and sharing control of my computer (meaning he could see my screen in real-time), I ran CCleaner on the registery...and it found 578 errors.*

So I asked the Norton Senior Technical Expert how come there were still 578 errors if Norton had just fixed my registry and corrected all the errors.

"It is a different program," he said.

"Yes, but if Norton fixed my registry, there shouldn't be any errors for another program to find."

"It is fixing different errors," he said.

"You mean Norton only fixes some Registry errors and not others."

"No, Norton fixes them all."

"That's not what you just said."

"We ran the Norton test and it fixed all the errors."

"Except the 578 that CCleaner found,"  I said.

"That is incorrect. May I close this case now that I have successfully resolved this issue for you?"

Unbelievable.

*Since I initially ran CCleaner over the weekend, I installed the update of Roxio Easy Media Creator 10, which locked up, and I  had to delete it and reinstall it with my original program disc, so that probably accounts for those new registry new errors. By the way, Roxio will fuck up your computer even more than Norton will. Stay the hell away from Roxio!

Norton Hell, Minute by Agonizing Minute

If you would like to experience the living hell that is Norton Technical Support, scroll down to the last entry and read from the bottom up to the top. 

1. I'm told that "The Senior Technical Experts Department specialized for Norton Product" (that's a direct quote) will call me.this is surreal.4:26 PM Jun 25th from web

       

2. ok, 3 hrs plus is enough. I'm done. Time to find that link for the Norton Removal Tool...that's the more effective resolution.4:21 PM Jun 25th from web

3. Mr. Norton Support is running the program again. And it still doesn't work. I bet he will seek an even more effective resolution.4:16 PM Jun 25th from web

4. if I stay on w/Norton much longer, Madonna & David Hasselhoff are in jeopardy.4:09 PM Jun 25th from web

5. I've been on w/Norton Support for so long that the 70s officially died. RIP Michael Jackson & Farrah Fawcett.4:07 PM Jun 25th from web

6. watching the norton support person reboot me from afar. We have just entered the third hour of support. How long until I can call Guinness?4:05 PM Jun 25th from web

7. He can't figure out what's wrong.He doesn't know how to fix it.He will seek an even more effective resolution.How could anyone achieve that?3:56 PM Jun 25th from web

8. he looked but didn't touch. we are fast approaching my 3rd unproductive hr w/ Norton support. I just asked him what's up. Guess his reply...3:52 PM Jun 25th from web

9. now he's going into control panel. going to programs & features. looking at what I have. I feel naked & exposed.3:43 PM Jun 25th from web

10. Uh-oh. The program isn't working. I guess we're going to need "a more effective resolution" than just running it AGAIN.3:41 PM Jun 25th from web

11. he's running the program AGAIN. Does he think repetition is the answer? Yeah, that's it. Just keep doing it until it works. MORON!3:38 PM Jun 25th from web

12. this isn't online sex. It's married sex.3:37 PM Jun 25th from web

13. oh, just heard from him. "I am looking for a more effective resolution." More effective than no resolution at all? Good idea!3:36 PM Jun 25th from web

14. I think my Norton Support person is seeking some support himself.I've been on line w/him for over 30 minutes now & have accomplished nothing3:35 PM Jun 25th from web

15. nothing is happening. The cursor isn't moving. Oh my. Has he lost hope? I know I have.3:25 PM Jun 25th from web

16. He seems lost. He's just moving the cursor around my desktop in lonely desperation. I can relate, Rajneesh.3:23 PM Jun 25th from web

17. I wonder if this was what Michael Jackson was doing when he had his heart attack.3:19 PM Jun 25th from web

18. what do you know, it's not working. I wonder if Norton Support will recommend that I contact Norton support.3:18 PM Jun 25th from web

19. he's running the program again. I guess he wants to see if I really have a problem or am just doing this for kicks.3:16 PM Jun 25th from web

20. if so, it may be good for him but it's not good for me.3:16 PM Jun 25th from web

21. our computers are now connected remotely. am I experiencing online sex?3:14 PM Jun 25th from web

22. he's offering to take control of my computer remotely. maybe he can write my book for me too.3:10 PM Jun 25th from web

23. he's offering me the pre-packaged/pre-written content so far. Let's see what happens when he actually has to type something himself.3:06 PM Jun 25th from web

24. On with Norton Mumbai again. Either I am a gluton for punishment or I am procrastinating on my book. You decide.3:03 PM Jun 25th from web

25. @symantecnews norton360. I just disconnected after ten minutes of radio silence from India...on top of 2 hrs wasted. Terrible "support."12:22 PM Jun 25th from web in reply to symantecnews

26. Sreejeeth @ symantec has disappeared. haven't heard from him in almost 10 minutes.I guess it's break time in New Delhi. I'm done. Bye Norton12:20 PM Jun 25th from web

27. Somebody should make Bernie Madoff contact Symantec support.12:15 PM Jun 25th from web

28. this isn't support. it's punishment.12:14 PM Jun 25th from web

29. "I see you are having problems with scanning of registry with Norton program not working correct." AHHHHH!12:12 PM Jun 25th from web

30. I'm on w/Sreejeeth @ Symantec now. Whenever he goes off script he's got a 3rd grader's grasp of English. God help me.12:11 PM Jun 25th from web

31. now im on with mohammad. he is escalating the case. i am blessed12:03 PM Jun 25th from web

32. @symantecnews No. I've just spent over an hour repeating steps I did BEFORE I called support. Now i'm told he can't resolve it. Duh.12:00 PM Jun 25th from web in reply to symantecnews

33. Now Shareef is informing me that "I am unable to resolve the issue and will transfer to a supervisor." Am I looking at another hour of HELL?11:59 AM Jun 25th from web

34. now Shareef is trying to isolate the issue. Good idea, Shareef. Should have tried that an hour ago.11:58 AM Jun 25th from web

35. ran program again. Problem still not fixed. Apparently all these symantec support guys know how to do is download updates. a waste of time11:55 AM Jun 25th from web

36. of course I did all that BEFORE i called tech support.11:55 AM Jun 25th from web

37. ...then we ran live update three times. now we are rebooting.11:51 AM Jun 25th from web

38. let's see...first we downloaded the same program 3 times, then we ran the program, got the same error I had an hour ago...11:46 AM Jun 25th from web

39. Now he's running live update again...I guess he forgot we did that five minutes ago.11:42 AM Jun 25th from web

40. why do i feel like I am giving this moron tech support instead of the other way around??11:40 AM Jun 25th from web

41. my dog knows more about computers than shareef. i am moments away from just hanging up & walking away from Norton for good.11:39 AM Jun 25th from web

42. entering my 2nd hr w/shareef in customer support. oh, the bliss11:37 AM Jun 25th from web

43. "Your desktop is being remotely controlled by Shareef." This is like the Indian version of THE OUTER LIMITS...only much scarier.11:16 AM Jun 25th from web

44. chatting w/Shareef & Mohammed @ symantec support. It's like dental surgery w/o anesthesia.10:19 AM Jun 25th from web

Hillary, I Feel Your Pain

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton tripped and broke her elbow earlier this week. Today she had surgery and is facing weeks of physical therapy. Fox News reports:

“The most common fracture you get from a standing-height fall will either be an olecranon fracture or a radial head fracture,” Alberta, who specializes in shoulder and elbow surgery, told FOXNews.com. “If she landed on her elbow and fell back on the point of her elbow, she most likely fractured her olecrenon, which is the bony point of your elbow. If she fell with her hand stretched out to catch the fall, then it may be a radial head fracture. [...]"

In general, elbow surgery can last anywhere from 45 minutes to a couple of hours.

“There’ll be an incision depending on where the fracture is, and we’ll use anything from a plate and screws, all the way up to replacement of the joint to repair the injury,” Alberta said.

As far as recovery, Clinton is facing anywhere from six weeks to three months of physical therapy.

God, does that bring back some bad memories. Five years ago I broke both of my elbows, my right one so severely that I was in surgery for six hours while they put it back together with three plates, a dozen screws and a titanium radial head (that's my x-ray in the picture. You can click on it for a larger image). I wasn't Secretary of State, running all over the globe, but I was writing & producing a weekly TV series and a few weeks away from the deadline on a novel when the accident happened.  

I was told that implants would remain in my arm for the rest of my life. But after six months of physical therapy, my arm was still locked at a 90 degree angle... so they took all of the implants out again...and I had another six months of therapy. The surgery was a success, but I was left with only about 40% mobility in the arm, and some pain and numbness where my elbow used to be (not to mention a big scar), so not a day goes by when I am not reminded of the accident.

Hillary, I feel your pain.

I Want to Grow Crunchberries and Grape Nuts

I love this story, reported by the Lowering the Bar blog.  A California judge threw out a lawsuit filed by a woman who claimed that she bought Cap'n Crunch with Crunchberries for years  because she was tricked by deceptive packaging into believing "crunchberries" were real fruit. The judge wrote:

In this case . . . while the challenged packaging contains the word "berries" it does so only in conjunction with the descriptive term "crunch." This Court is not aware of, nor has Plaintiff alleged the existence of, any actual fruit referred to as a "crunchberry." Furthermore, the "Crunchberries" depicted on the [box] are round, crunchy, brightly-colored cereal balls, and the [box] clearly states both that the Product contains "sweetened corn & oat cereal" and that the cereal is "enlarged to show texture." Thus, a reasonable consumer would not be deceived into believing that the Product in the instant case contained a fruit that does not exist. . . . So far as this Court has been made aware, there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world.

Does this mean that there's no such thing as Fruit Loops or Grape Nuts? (Thanks to Melinda Metz for the link)

Deep Dudu

Let's hope frustrated U.S. writers, producers and actors don't follow Israeli TV star Dudu Topaz's example when it comes to dealing with rejection and bad reviews. The LA Times reports that the once top-rated TV host hired thugs to beat up two network execs who rejected his pitches for new shows and an agent who gave up on his comeback bid.

Topaz is accused of hiring three former security guards involved in the beatings over the last seven months of Shira Margalit, a vice president at Israel's Channel 2 TV; Avi Nir, a Channel 2 director; and talent agent Boaz Ben-Zion in Tel Aviv. Margalit, the most recent victim, was hospitalized a few days last month with a broken nose and fractured bones in her face.

Police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld said the four suspects, all in custody, were identified through telephone wiretaps, witness testimony and surveillance video.

At least two other media executives were on the entertainer's hit list, police said: a newspaper editor who had turned down his offer to write a regular column and a Channel 2 producer who once worked with Topaz and now produces the unscripted show "Big Brother.[...]He once attacked a TV critic for a scathing review and broke his glasses, famously declaring, "He doesn't understand what he sees anyway."

Fewer Commuters Kills Audiobook Sales

The Los Angeles Times reports that revenue from audiobooks sales has plummeted 47% this year as a result of unemployment...not because people have less to spend (though that's part of it) but because they aren't commuting.

The fewer people who work, the fewer people who drive to work. More than half of audio customers listen in their cars, said Chris Lynch, executive vice president and publisher of Simon & Schuster Audio. [...]"We got hit pretty badly last summer when gasoline prices were so high," Lynch says. "And then the stock market crashed in the fall and we got hit again."

Goodbye, TelevisionWeek

Television Week, the publication formerly known as Electronic Media, is ceasing publication and will continue as a website. This is sad news for me. Back in the late 1980s, I was a reporter for Electronic Media. My biggest scoop was breaking the news about Paramount's revival of STAR TREK as first-run syndicated series -- a story which the studio initially denied (USA Today later picked up my story and then Paramount reluctantly confirmed it). I also reported extensively about the birth of the Fox Network. It was an exciting time for me and I learned a lot about the nuts-and-bolts of the television business. Electronic Media catered to station programming execs and the syndication marketplace and often went into far more depth than either Variety or the Hollywood Reporter on TV biz stories. I don't think Electronic Media ever got the attention or respect that it deserved for its business journalism...though I often saw newspapers using their stories as jumping off-points for articles of their own. 

UPDATE 5-6-2009: The Franklin Avenue Blog has a detailed remembrance  & appreciation of EM.

Proof the Banking System is Going to Hell

Citibank just offered my 13-year-old daughter a MasterCard with an opening 13.24% APR  which jumps to a mere 30% if you miss a single payment. We signed her up for it immediately.

People Don't Watch Shows That Suck

You'd think that would be common sense but, apparently it's not. Case in point -- today an Entertainment Weekly article questioned why so many science fiction shows this season are tanking while audiences are still flocking to science fiction movies:

Two weeks ago, Fox aired what was probably the final episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, a pretty solid sci-fi show which nevertheless suffered from guttery ratings. Two weeks from now, Terminator Salvation will premiere in theaters -- where it will likely make somewhere in the vicinity of $90 million in its first weekend, regardless of how "good" it is. Two separate extentions of the same franchise: one will be labeled a failure, the other a ginormous hit. Why? Why don't we want science fiction on television anymore?

I think that the EW article is based on a faulty premise. People do watch science fiction TV shows...when they don't suck (good stuff like THE X-FILES, STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION, the first season of HEROES, etc). 

Unfortunately, most of them suck. 

People didn't reject TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES because it was science fiction...they stopped watching because it was lousy (and I say that as a guy who, inexplicably, didn't miss an episode). People turned away from HEROES for the same reason. The bottom line for science fiction shows is the same as it is for all shows in any genre:  they gotta be good or they'll die. 

That said, science fiction is a niche genre that has always appealed to a limited number of viewers...perhaps enough eyeballs to make a movie a hit but not enough to sustain a weekly TV show (which is why the SciFi network is so eager to broaden their brand and shed the "scifi" label). 

The other reason that science fiction TV shows haven't worked is that they are inordinately expensive to produce...which means they need to quickly and consistently draw a large audience to justify the expense/continued production. Most shows, sci-fi or not, have a hard time drawing viewers. But the networks understandably don't have the same patience with an expensive show as they do with inexpensive one. So no, it's not science fiction shows that audiences are rejecting...it's poor writing, or a lousy premise/franchise, or bad acting, or the promotion was so weak, nobody ever noticed the show was on the air...or it's a lethal combination of all those elements.

As far as movies go, there is also the event/spectacle factor. A 100-minute movie like TERMINATOR: SALVATION costs as much to produce as 44 episodes of TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES. Of course the movie is going to be more awesome. Plus, you're only asking the viewer to make a two-hour committment rather than a 44-hour one.  It has nothing to do with science fiction as a genre and everything to do with a dozen other factors. 

In other words, EW was asking the wrong question. What they should have been asking is "Why is science fiction TV so bad lately?"

That would be a better question, but not a fair one, because I think science fiction is thriving on TV as never before. STARGATE  just ended it's eight (or was it nine?) year run. It's spin-off ATLANTIS is also ending a long run (five years?). BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, which only ended a few weeks ago, may have been one of the best, and most-acclaimed science fiction TV series ever on television...and it gave SciFi Channel the respect it has sought for so long (which is ironic, considering they are changing their name with the premiere of the BSG spin-off CAPRICA). FRINGE is doing great.  And if you throw fantasy/horror into the mix, it looks even better (SUPERNATURAL, MEDIUM, TRUE BLOOD, GHOST WHISPERER, etc). 

So no, this is not a bad time for science fiction. It's a bad time for shows that suck...or that were once good and have slipped...or ill-conceived shows that take too much time finding their creative footing.

Help a Writer Restore His Life's Work

Writer Len Wein's house burned down, incinerating all the comic books that he wrote. My friend Mark Evanier is leading an effort to rebuild Wein's collection:

You know Len Wein. Award-winning comic book person. Co-creator of Swamp Thing and Wolverine and various other X-Men. Editor of Watchmen. Writer, at one time or other, of all the major characters: Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, Hulk, you name it. That Len Wein. A great guy.

On April 6, 2009, a fire destroyed most of the home he was sharing with his wife Chris and their son Michael. As Len tells us, Chris was out when it happened. The men were home and asleep. He awoke to find the world in flames around him and he managed to get himself out and to save Michael, as well. Sadly, their beloved dog Sheba perished that day.

So did Len's collection of books and toys and games and artwork and those things we accumulate that help define and enrich our lives. You have stuff. He had stuff. Insurance will fix the house but many things, including his comics, were not covered. Some of us thought it would be grand if his friends and fans pitched in to help him recreate those shelves of the comic books he's worked on.

You can get the details here.

Goodbye, Starlog

Starlog Magazine is no more -- at least not in print. This is very sad news for me because I put myself through school writing for the magazine (among others) and it had an enormous impact on my life that I am still feeling today. 

On assignment for Starlog, I visited hundreds of movie and TV sets and interviewed so many actors, screenwriters, directors...people like Tom Cruise, Robert Zemeckis, Roy Scheider, Paul Verhoeven, Roger Moore, Michael J. Fox, Michael Crichton, William Friedkin, Sigourney Weaver, Richard Donner, Timothy Hutton, Gene Roddenberry, Richard Maibaum, Dan O'Bannon, Tom Selleck, Wes Craven, Kurt Russell, Jeff Goldblum, Richard Marquand, Tobe Hooper, Johnny Depp, George Lucas, and Lorenzo Semple Jr., to name just a few. And I learned a lot about the movie and TV business along the way.

I collected some of those interviews, along with articles by my friends (and fellow Starlog writers) William Rabkin and Randy & Jean-Marc Lofficier,  in two books -- Science Fiction Film-Making in the 1980s and Dreamweavers: Fantasy Film-making in the 1980s.

Perhaps the highlight of my time as a reporter for Starlog was when they flew me to London to cover the premiere of THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS, the first James Bond film starring Timothy Dalton. 

All the journalists were invited by the studio to the premiere, which Prince Charles and Lady Diana were attending as well. We had to wear tuxedos and were driven to the event in limos. There were huge crowds being held back behind barracades in front of the Odeon Theatre as we pulled up. I got out of the limo just as a short young lady was emerging from the limo in front of me, so we walked in together. People were going nuts, taking pictures of us and waving. I leaned over and whispered to her: "Makes you wish you were famous, doesn't it?"

She laughed, patted my arm, and we parted in the lobby. Almost immediately I was swarmed by my fellow reporters. One of them asked "Do you know who you were walking with?"

I had no idea. I figured she was another reporter. He told me it was Chrissie Hynde of the Pretenders. I still had no idea who she was. So either she thought my remark was clever or that I was a complete dolt for not knowing who she was. But I like to think that somewhere out there is a photo from that event with a caption like "Chrissie Hynde with unidentified lover."

But, most of all, I am thankful to Starlog for my family. If not for the magazine, I might never have met the charming Lofficiers, which would have been a terrible thing...since they introduced me to my wife Valerie. We've been married for 19 years and have a 13-year-old daughter, Madison.

So for me, Starlog was more than a magazine that covered science fiction and fantasy movies, books and TV shows. It changed my life.

Good-bye, Starlog. I will miss you.

UPDATE: Starlog is gathering some of the reactions to the bad news. My good friend Dave McDonnell, long-time editor of the magazine, posted this:

"Lee Goldberg is an old friend of mine. His unsolicited interview "The Man who Killed Spock" (WRATH OF KHAN writer Jack Sowards) was on my desk the day I started. I lobbied to buy it and he wrote countless pieces for us."

It was my first national magazine sale and I was totally thrilled. That sale, along with tearsheets from some of my subsequent Starlog articles, led to me writing for Newsweek, United Press International, American Film, San Francisco Chronicle, and the Los Angeles Times syndicate, among many others. But you never forget your "first."

UPDATE 4-15-2009: More reactions to the news from Entertainment Weekly,  SFSignal,  Bob Greenberger, Mark Evanier, John Kenneth Muir and my cousin Danny Barer.

Scientists Discover that Life Causes Cancer

It seems like everything in life causes cancer. Now its hot tea. Tomorrow it's reading blogs.

The End is Near for Variety

Yesterday AND today issues of Daily Variety were only eight pages long...and had no advertising (unless you count a single, tiny Classified ad for a rehab program). Few people are going to $2.50-a-day for such a thin publication....and without subscriber revenue, how much longer can Variety survive without advertising, too? No wonder they are lashing out at Nikki Finke... 

Look up "Pathetic" in the Dictionary and this is what you will find

Trekkies who watch Star Trek reruns while sitting in their replica Enterprise Captain chairs and wearing costumes are the walking -- or should I say sitting -- definition of pathetic:

So what, beyond pushing buttons, do these men — as all Kirk chair owners appear to be — do with the most conspicuous piece of furniture in the room?

Some watch TV in theirs, or simply loll, and some seem to find the chair an empowering place from which to deal with others. “When we have a little family powwow — I have four children — I sit in it to lay down the law,” said Mr. Boyd, the auto parts manager.

And most, of course, indulge their fantasies, imagining doing battle with Klingons and otherwise cruising the cosmos. “Sitting in it,” said Mr. Bradshaw, the graphic designer, “I find myself striking an action pose quite unconsciously.”

To his regret, he must strike those poses in his home office. “My wife is not big on it,” he said. “I’ve actually been threatened with divorce if it comes into the living room.”

Recession a boon for books?

According to the Telegraph in London, some publishers see opportunity in these dark financial times.

Publishing is not immune to tough times. This week Random House announced 5 per cent redundancies. Agents are shaking their heads over the reduced advances. Paper costs have risen. Books are being delayed from 2009 to 2010 to stretch budgets. Booksellers are cautious about almost anything without a TV tie-in. But publishers aren't, like ITV, dependent on advertisers. And readers are addicts. They will not stop reading to stare at the telly. Indeed, publishing can benefit from recession.

"At staff presentations, if people are looking gloomy," says John Makinson, chief executive of Penguin, "I tell them that the 1930s were the golden age of publishing in Britain. Many major publishing houses started then and Allen Lane, who launched paperbacks for sixpence, vastly expanded the market.

"Book sales correlate well with the market for takeaway pizzas," says Makinson. The idea – born out by industry-wide figures showing a rise in sales since this time last year – is that staying in is the new going out. Paperbacks cost less than a cinema ticket and provide many more hours of amusement.

How to Stalk Stars

My wife stumbed on a website that lists the addresses of celebrities...and even includes aerial photos of their homes. Privacy is clearly a thing of the past.

You Are Sitting in a Chair in the Sky

I'm not a fan of the comic Louis CK, but his bit on Conan about how little we appreciate the marvels of modern technology is hilarious...and absolutely true.  

Christian Bale Goes Batty

TMZ has a audio tape of Christian Bale's insane tirade after the Director of Photography of Terminator Salvation accidentally walked into the star's eye line during a shot. The recording was apparently sent to the film's insurance company in case Bale bailed on the movie mid-production. I don't get why the director didn't step in and try to save his DP -- and the crew -- from Bale's tirade. Was McG just sitting there and watching? This was a much as insult to the director's control as it was a humiliation for the poor DP.

The sad truth is that Bale is so successful that he can get away with this repugnant, unprofessional behavior like this -- nobody wants to offend a guy who makes the studios this much money, no matter how offensive he might be. I've worked with a couple of actors like that -- but they weren't big enough stars to get away with it and didn't. It's not pleasant. 

They Do Things Differently Down Under

Did you know that if an Australian publisher reprints a foreign title within 30 days of it's release anywhere else in the world, there's a copyright law Down Under that requires Australian bookstores to only sell the Australian edition? I didn't either, until I read an article in The Guardian about prominent Oz authors protesting a Government review aimed at perhaps rescinding the law.

This can mean that books are more expensive - and harder to get hold of - in Australia than they are elsewhere, but also allows the country's local publishing to flourish, rather than forcing it to compete with a flood of cheaper-priced editions from overseas. [...]Booker prize-winning author Peter Carey argued against making any changes. "As long as we have a territorial copyright our publishers have a commercial argument to support Australian literature," he said. "They will battle for the sake of our readers and our writers, even if their owners have no personal commitment to the strange loves and needs of Australian readers, or the cultural integrity and future of the Australian nation."