A Writer's Life

The Dead Man Sales Are Lively

It's been a week since Amazon re-launched the DEAD MAN series and the sales continue to be amazing...though I am braced for the high rankings to drop back down to earth once the 99 cent sale ends and we settle into our regular, $2.99 price point. Here are the rankings as of 9 pm on Halloween night (click on the image for a larger view)

TV Main Title of the Week

Jones Harvest is Dead

Bonnie Kaye reports on her Jones Harvest Fraud Victims blog that Brien Jones' sleazy vanity press is finally dead and buried. She writes, in part:

Brien Jones is a predator. He had his staff calling people in nursing homes to solicit them for money. Some of his past employees have called me with the horror stories of how horrible they felt doing this. Children of three different elderly authors have contacted me after their parents died waiting for books that were never printed. 

[...]Some of you are aware that Jones opened a bookstore in a strip mall in the middle of nowhere. Since he was unable to get author books into real bookstores, he rented his own with the money donated by two authors in order to have the store named after them, Bidwell Moore and Merlene Byars. [...]I called several stores in the shopping strip where the store was located and they confirmed that Jones “snuck out” in the middle of the night due to non-payment of rent.  

Brien Jones has given up snookering elderly people out of their savings to "publish" their books to reportedly concentrate on becoming an author himself. I only wish he was writing his books from a prison cell.  The real tragedy here is that law enforcement officials in Indiana let Jones continue with his sham publishing company until it finally, and thankfully, crumbled under his staggering incompetence.

The Dead Man is a Bestseller

UPDATED 6pm 10/20:  I just checked the Amazon sales stats and we're still going strong. Here are the rankings:

FACE OF EVIL  #147 ... #1 in Dark Fantasy, #4 in horror, #28 in thrillers

RING OF KNIVES  #333...#2 in Dark Fantasy, #14 in horror

HELL IN HEAVEN #400...#3 in Dark Fantasy, #16 in horror

DEAD WOMAN  #436...#4 in Dark Fantasy, #18 in horror

BLOOD MESA #571...#5 in Dark Fantasy, #22 in horror, #86 in thrillers

KILL THEM ALL  #790...#6 in Dark Fantasy (pre-order)

 

The books are on sale for just 99 cents. Please buy a copy of one or more of the books and help us put The Dead Man in the top 100!

A Great Deal on THE DEAD MAN

Ella Clah is Back

Several years ago, Bill Rabkin and I had the pleasure of adapting Aimee & David Thurlo's terrific Ella Clah novels into a one-hour pilot for CBS. We loved that script, but the network passed us over in favor of  Queens Supreme, which was cancelled after just three episodes.  

But Ella Clah has continued to enjoy a long, healthy run in print. And now she's back in her 17th novel, BLACK THUNDER. Here's what Publishers Weekly had to say about it:

In the Thurlos’ satisfying 17th novel featuring Navajo policewoman Ella Clah (after 2010’s Never-Ending-Snake), a remote area near a steep-sided outcrop called Hogback becomes a murder scene with the accidental discovery of a buried body with two bullet holes in the skull. More grave sites in the same area, including one just outside tribal boundaries, make it a multijurisdictional investigation bringing in San Juan County (N.Mex.) sheriff Paul Taylor and FBI agent Dwayne Blalock. Tracking the victims, some dead for several years, complicates the investigation. An attempt to get rid of a possible witness, a young boy playing near Hogback, heats the action. Meanwhile, Ella must deal with the needs of her teenage daughter, Dawn; mother, Rose Destea; and romantic interest, Rev. Ford Tome. Navajos known as the Fierce Ones threaten to worsen the situation with vigilante justice in this insightful portrait of a native culture still evolving between tradition and modernity. 

 The Thurlos are among the most prolific authors I know -- I think they're juggling three book series now -- and they always deliver a great read.  Do yourself a favor and grab this book!

The Mail I Get

I got this irresistable offer tonight:

Dear Webmaster,

Today while searching good link partner to my website I came across through your great website And willing to exchange link with your quality site.

As you know reciprocal linking is very useful for high ranking on Google.

If you are agree to exchange link with our site then please add following information on your site 

If you have any query please do not hesitate to contact me! 

Waiting for your quick an positive reply.    

Thanks and Regards,
Michel Ponting

The links were all to bootleg video sites for episodes of Battlestar Galatica, Babylon Five, Charmed and other SF shows. Clearly, English is not this guy's first language. And the only thing dumber than asking me to link to a bootleg video site would be to link to one bootlegging my shows.

And guess what? He did that, too. The dimwit.

"Charles Manson Calling, Will You Accept the Charges?"

Twice in the last two days I've received automated calls from Global Telelink Advance Pay Authorization Payment Services asking me if I would accept collect calls from the Pritchess Detention Center, East Facility. Obviously, I hung up...but I have to wonder, how did those prisoners get my number and what makes them think I'd let them make calls on my account?

The Dead Man is Alive!

Amazon re-launched THE DEAD MAN series an hour ago...and with it, their 47North imprint. They are pricing the books at 99 cents for a very limited time. You can read all about the creation & writing of the series today on the Amazon Kindle Post blog and on the product page for Face of Evil. In addition, there are interviews with each of the individual authors on the product pages for Ring of Knives, The Dead Woman, and Blood Mesa.

TV Main Title of the Week - Rod Taylor Edition

The Mail I Get

I received this email this morning. I have removed the author's last name to spare him embarrassment. 

Hello,

My name is Sean L.

I discovered you through J.A. Konrath's blog.

Basically, I'm just getting into the world of self-publishing. I've recently published my first ebook through the Kindle and I'm looking for ways to get my name out there to the masses.

If you're interested in helping me, I have a few ideas.

Thank you for your time!

Regards,

Sean

Here is the reply that I just sent him:

I am so glad that you have some ideas to help me get your name out there to the masses, because I am stumped.

I set everything aside that I was doing this morning, including writing my book that's due on Nov. 1 and my efforts to publicize Amazon/47North's launch of the "Dead Man" series this week, to put some serious thought into how to make you a success, and my mind was just a blank. Maybe that's because you're a complete stranger to me, but that's no excuse for my lack of inspiration.

This is so incredibly frustrating for me since I know how important reaching the masses is for you. But rest assured, I will be devoting the day, if not the entire month, perhaps even the remaining days of my life, to this important task, so please forward to me as soon as humanly possible your  ideas on how I can best promote you.

Lee

His response:

So.....no then?

He may be clueless, but at least he has a sense of humor.

The Mail I Get

I got this email from Mark Sanders, a MONK fan.

I enjoy watching the reruns of Monk and reading your book, Mr. Monk and The Dirty Cop.   Though the personality Natalie had in the book, seemed more like Sharona.   It was a good read, however, I don't think I would have paid the $22.00 cover price.    I got it on sell for $5.00.

I replied:

I'm so glad that you were able to find my book at a bargain price. Of course, that means we'll have to eat beans this week... 

Good Writing Advice

I found an excellent piece of writing advice in Randy Boyagoda's  New York Times review of Charlies Frazier's novel Nightwoods.

It’s too bad the writing gets in the way of the storytelling — or, to be truer to Frazier, it’s plangently unfortunate the writing style gets all up and troublesome-like in the whisper-leaved way of the true and fine telling of this terrible and valiant tale of priapic violence and distaff recompense. A little girl doesn’t hurt her nose, she “pierced the wing of her nostril.” Bottles don’t spill or break, they are left “shattering with spewing concussion” and falling “in festive breakage.” Furniture doesn’t just age with time and use, but instead is “buffed to a pale silver nub by many decades of buttocks.” Writing that invites this much attention, that so strives to concentrate our attention on its effects, has to achieve more than precious and overwrought evocation.

That's so true. If you're a writer, that's advice worth remembering.

The Dead Man is Coming

The big relaunch of THE DEAD MAN series, and the kick-off of Amazon's new 47North imprint,  is coming on Oct 24 and  I can't wait!

In the meantime, you can already pre-order Harry Shannon's November title KILL THEM ALL, James Daniels December book THE BEAST WTIHIN, and the DEAD MAN VOL 1-3 compilation. 

Short but Sweet

A few years ago, I was one of the judges for Michael Connelly's MWA anthology The Blue Religion. We got hundreds of blind submissions from unidentified authors eager to fill the half-dozen openings for stories that weren't being commissioned by Mike. One of the very best stories, out of those hundreds of submissions, was What A Wonderful World, which we later learned was by veteran TV writer/producer Paul Guyot, who now toils on Leverage.

When critics reviewed The Blue Religion, they inevitably picked Paul's story as one of the stand-outs...and for good reason. It's a powerful piece of writing. Now you can grab it for just 99 cents on the Kindle.

But wait, there's more. You can also get three of  Paul'sother memorable, and highly acclaimed short stories in Three Stories Down, a steal at $2.99.

This will have to satisfy you until Paul finally writes that novel he's been promising for years... 

(The great covers for Paul's Kindle books are by the amazing Jeroen Ten Berge)

The Mail I Get - Review Bot Edition

I have been getting a lot of  book review requests that I assume are generated by some kind of "review bot" that has mined my name from Amazon. Here's an example:

Dear Lee Goldberg:

I got your name from the list of Amazon Top Reviewers. I’ve written a book, “When The Shadows Began To Dance.” I noticed from your Amazon profile that you frequently review spiritual fantasy books. If you think you might be interested in reading my book and posting an honest review of it on Amazon, I’ll gladly send a complimentary copy if you’ll reply with your postal mailing address. There is no obligation, of course.

Best Regards,

Yamaya Cruz

I have never reviewed a spiritual fantasy book in my life, Yamaya Cruz. So I don't know why you think I would like to read your book, Yamaya Cruz. I hope, Yamaya Cruz, that you didn't spend a lot of money on this ineffective mailing campaign.

I also don't review get-rich-quick books, though that didn't stop me from getting this:

 

Hello Lee:

I got your name from Amazon's list of Top Reviewers. I've written a book, "1-800-Awesome: Tactics for Making $10,000 an Hour" and I noticed from your Amazon profile that you frequently review a variety of book genres. I have read some of your reviews and found them to be thoughtful and well written and I value your opinion.

If you are interested in reviewing my book, please email back and I will send you a free PDF version.  I sincerely appreciate your help.

Thank you!

Chris Rugh

I'm sure Chris has never read one of my reviews. If he had, he'd know this is not a book that would ever appeal to me.  I would much rather read "1-800-Awesome:  Tactics For Not Getting Spammed for Reviews by Dimwit Authors."

Speaking of bots...

My brother Tod, who has been nominated for the Los Angeles Times Book Prize and has many published novels to his credit, recently got a solicitation from Kyle Oakeson, who is trying to raise money to fund a publishing  outfit called CentsPress. The email read, in part:

Hello, 

I found your information from your website/blog. I like your writing, and I thought I would inform you about an upcoming publishing company that I will be starting this year that can help you to make a little change for your work.

[...]CentsPress will be an online marketplace for hobby and novice writers, and it bridges the gap between unpublished or self-published authors and professional authors. Essentially, authors will be able to list an ebook on the website of either a short-story, poetry, or short drama--anything less than 32pgs. Once listed, the work becomes available for purchase by the world. But that's not the cool thing about what CentsPress does. CentsPress is designed around socializing with, tracking, and gathering important input from audiences. 

Right now I'm in the fundraising/financing business stage. I've started a crowd funding campaign online [...]  I encourage you to go check it out. 

To which my brother replied:

Hi Kyle, 

I'm really glad you like my writing. What's your favorite part of my writing? Is it my hobby writing or my novice writing? It's important for me to know before I send you some money.

Tod

To which Kyle responded:

Tod,

Sorry about that, maybe you know of some writers who would take an interest in this project. Obviously it isn't for everyone--anyone who has already been published, like yourself, probably wouldn't take an interest in it...

-Kyle

Then why the hell did you send him your lame solicitation, Kyle? If this is any indication of your attention to detail, and how you will be running your publishing company, you are doomed to failure (but, having seen his pitch, I think he's pretty much doomed anyway).

It never ceases to amaze me how lazy and inept aspiring authors and publishers can be when trying to whip up attention for themselves. There isn't anything quite as lazy and inept as sending a solicitation to someone you claim to be familiar with and yet clearly know nothing about...  

 

 

TV Main Title of the Week

TV Main Title of the Week - Forgotten Spin-Offs edition

A short-lived spin-off from POLICE STORY.

The Wit and Wisdom of Brien Jones

Yesterday, I wrote about the apparent demise of Jones Harvest Publishing, huckster Brien Jones' notoriously sleazy vanity press. Today I stumbled on his blog...and his posts are very telling. Here are a few samples...

Yesterday, he wrote a post that began:

Sorry I’ve been AWOL. I got caught up in legal proceedings. Not against ME (for once) but an actual-factual criminal. 

A few weeks earlier he wrote, in part:

THIS subject is closest to my heart it will probably not be terribly amusing—ESPECIALLY if you’re underpaid and stuck in a dead-end job with AN ASSHOLE for a BOSS.

Recently I was HORRIFIED TO LEARN that was precisely how my colleagues viewed ME.

THAT’S MY FAULT. As with EVERY rule, law, or responsibility IGNORANCE IS NO EXCUSE. In fact, NOT knowing makes the situation WORSE.

THAT’S NOT how things USED TO BE. If you spent a day working in our office last year you wouldn’t have thought BRIEN JONES was in charge of ANYTHING.

My wife and co-founder Brandy (who remains UNIVERSALLY REVERED) had clearly been at the helm.

Then I stepped in and made a couple VERY BAD DECISIONS. As a result of those decisions what had been a vibrant, happy and even slightly profitable little company augured into the ground...

We can only hope. Also, about a month ago, he wrote, in part:

About once a year I have the following conversation with our attorney.

“Hi counselor, one of our author friends is SUING US.” 

[...]So I hope you understand why I don’t go OUT OF MY WAY to sign CONTRACTS. In fact I try to avoid writing ANYTHING down.

[...]Ironically I learned this lesson rather late. During the five years I lived in California I kept a journal. When I moved back TO INDIANA I went straight to Lake of the Woods.

It was there Gramma saw me writing in my big black book. She asked me what it was. I told her it was my daily journal. That’s when that wonderful woman gave me PRICELESS ADVICE I still live by TODAY.

She said, “If you don’t HAVE a journal then THEY CAN’T SUBPOENA IT.”

And a month before that, he wrote about dealing with angry authors:

I don’t know about YOU but the whole time I worked for other people’s companies I had an overwhelming urge to tell rude customers to ‘GO JUMP IN A LAKE!’

Sometimes customers say really mean things to employees. And if that employee was me, I wanted to say mean things right back. But had I responded in any way, that customer might have asked to “speak with my supervisor.” You know what THAT means…

The risk was just too great. I had to remain polite. Otherwise I could have LOST MY JOB! But OH, how I wanted to say something like ‘GO FLY A KITE’ to those JERKS.

Now it’s MY COMPANY and that changes EVERYTHING. Only NOW do I understand the true gravity of the situation–that the wrong response could have dire consequences for everyone.

It really changes your perspective. In fact, no matter how impolite or unreasonable a customer is, I remember it’s critical to remain polite and professional. Right?

I had you going right? RIGHT? DIDN’T I? C’MON I HAD YOU GOING! ADMIT IT!

I say “GO FUCK YOURSELF” at least ONCE A WEEK!

And at MY COMPANY if somebody asks to talk to one of MY PEOPLE’S ‘supervisor’ and they get ME? GOD HELP em’!

We got a call this week from an author I’ll call MARY JONES-DURBIN (because it’s her name) the author of “Words From My Soul.”

THIS IDIOT called to DEMAND the money we were making from selling HER BOOK. Never mind the fact that WE DIDN’T PUBLISH her book, nor EVER HAD ANY COPIES. I listened to one of my people spend 10 MINUTES trying to explain that. I did it in 10 WORDS!

“Are you listening moron? I DARE YOU TO SUE ME!”

That reminds me, of the CONSEQUENCES. Aside from breaking the phone by slamming it too hard, here is the COMPLETE LIST of the consequences in order of DIRENESS.

1. People say mean things about me on the internet.

THAT’S IT! But GOOGLE ME or my company you’ll discover I am a REALLY BAD PERSON.

2. I am not ONLY publishing books in a FIENDISH manner but also the MASTERMIND behind the MADOFF SCANDAL as well as THE BOSTON STRANGLER!

3. It goes without saying I was NOT born in HAWAII!

In fact, one woman created an entire website JUST FOR TRASHING ME! I know! AWESOME RIGHT? You can’t BUY that kind of PUBLICITY!

What a lovely guy. Let's hope Jones Harvest doesn't rise from the dead...and that Brien Jones finds a new way to earn a living that doesn't involve talking senior citizens into dipping into their retirement fund or social security income to "publish" their books.

Amazon Launches 47North Imprint with THE DEAD MAN

Today, Amazon announced the launch of their new sf/fantasy/horror imprint 47North...and one of the premiere titles is THE DEAD MAN series. Our kick-off is coming in just a couple of weeks...in a very big way...and we can't wait!

UPDATE: Publisher's Weekly also wrote about it. Here's part of what they said..

Amazon has added another genre to its publishing stable, with the launch of 47North, a science fiction/fantasy/horror imprint that will publish original and previously published works from new and established authors as well as out-of-print books. “We are especially happy to have a diverse list at launch, and look forward to publishing across a wide range of subgenres,” said Victoria Griffith, publisher of Amazon Publishing’s west coast group.
 
47North has signed 15 titles at launch with its first title coming from Lee Goldberg and William Rabkin, the authors of Successful Television Writing and who have written and/or produced scores of highly successful network television series, including Diagnosis Murder, Spenser: For Hire, and Baywatch. Their digital-first novel, Face of Evil, will be published this month; four more installments will also be published in October, with a new adventure following each month thereafter. A print compilation of the first three novels will publish in January 2012.
 

Let's Dance on The Grave of Jones Harvest

It appears that Jones Harvest Publishers, the vanity press run by huckster Brien Jones, has finally died in shame.  His company website has disappeared and he's reportedly closed the pitiful  little storefront that he operated to convince his gullible "authors,"  primarily senior citizens, that their poorly-printed books would be available in brick-and-mortar stores.  

Bonnie Kaye, who operates the Jones Harvest Fraud Victims blog and the Jones Harvest Fraud Victims site, reports:

I have been receiving letters from people who are customers of Jones Harvest stating that there is no way to contact them. So I did some of my own investigating and found out they were right--the website has been down for at least a week. The emails are being returned. No one is answering the phone... 

Kaye was one of the victims of Airleaf, the disgraced vanity press scam that once employed -- you guessed it -- Brien Jones, who then scurried off to start his own print-on-demand press.  By then, he was an old hand at selling empty dreams of publishing success to wanna-be writers. Before Airleaf,  Brien worked for Bookman Marketing, an even more notorious publishing scam. Some people never learn...and that includes the suckers. Many victims of the Airleaf scam actually followed Brien to Jones Harvest, only to reportedly suffer the same disappointment and financial loss all over again. 

Frankly, I'm surprised Brien and his shabby operation lasted this long.  CreateSpace and Lulu, which allow people to publish their paperbacks for free, and Amazon and Barnes & Noble, which make it easy to self-publish ebooks for nothing, have been the Black Death for outfits like Jones Harvest.  I'll miss Brien.. only because his lame-brained schemes, like asking you to hire his staff of "expert" screenwriters to adapt your unpublished books into hit screenplays, were so much fun to ridicule.   

 

Let's hope the long-overdue, well-deserved demise of Jones Harvest will be the last time we see Brien Jones laughably passing himself off as a publisher.

Rumor has, he's decided to become a writer instead...

UPDATE 10/11/2011 (11:41pm): Maybe I spoke too soon. Here's what Brien Jones wrote a few weeks back on his blog:

So, You want to start your own company? It’s lonely at the top…

As far as THIS SERIES is concerned EIGHT is DEFINETLY ENOUGH.

Also because THIS subject is closest to my heart it will probably not be terribly amusing—ESPECIALLY if you’re underpaid and stuck in a dead-end job with AN ASSHOLE for a BOSS.

Recently I was HORRIFIED TO LEARN that was precisely how my colleagues viewed ME.

THAT’S MY FAULT. As with EVERY rule, law, or responsibility IGNORANCE IS NO EXCUSE. In fact, NOT knowing makes the situation WORSE.

THAT’S NOT how things USED TO BE. If you spent a day working in our office last year you wouldn’t have thought BRIEN JONES was in charge of ANYTHING.

My wife and co-founder Brandy (who remains UNIVERSALLY REVERED) had clearly been at the helm.

Then I stepped in and made a couple VERY BAD DECISIONS. As a result of those decisions what had been a vibrant, happy and even slightly profitable little company augured into the ground.

Clearly I’m no good at running things.

For example MY LATEST HIRE has failed to meet every benchmark and quota imaginable (aside from FARTING) and often appears only long enough to ask if we’ve RECEIVED ANY CHECKS.

THAT ATTITUDE is not unique.

Over the past five years we’ve had QUITE A FEW PEOPLE that think MONEY JUST RAINS IN OUT OF THE SKY and we’re not CATCHING IT RIGHT.

Huh. Maybe they're onto something, after all...

Now we’re losing our last and BEST COLLEAGUE. And THAT is a CRISIS.

It is well known that the word ‘CRISIS’ in Japanese, (危機=kiki) is a combination of ”danger” and 機=”fucking up completely.”

ALL SUMMER I have been busting my ass to pay people that are just farting around, LITERALLY. (And THEN listening to THEM lecture ME about responsibility!)

That’s all over now kids!

But JONES HARVEST PUBLISHING is very much alive. It’s just going to be UNDER OLD MANAGEMENT.

I’ll still be around! AFTER ALL, if you read about me on the internet THE WHOLE THING WAS MY IDEA.

No matter WHAT happens we’ve already beat the odds!

According to Business Week, “The data show that, across sectors, 66 percent of new establishments were still in existence 2 years after their birth, and 44 percent were still in existence 4 years after.”

OCTOBER 24, we begin our SIXTH YEAR! I can’t WAIT to see the new DEATH-THREATS!

TV Main Title of the Week

The Publishing Cart Before the Storytelling Horse

I wish I could take credit for that headline, but it belongs to Chuck Wendig.  He makes a very good point in a recent, and controversial, blog post about the obsession self-published authors have with striking it rich, boosting their rankings, voting on tags, etc. and how little attention they pay to the really, really, REALLY important part...

 In self-publishing, I see so much that focuses on sales numbers and money earned, but I see alarmingly little that devotes itself toward telling good stories. After all, that’s the point, right? Selling is, or should be, secondary. The quality of one’s writing and the power of one’s storytelling is key. It’s primary. It’s why we do this thing that we do. Any time you hear about the major self-publishers, it’s always about the sales, the percentage, the money earned. What’s rare is a comment about how good the books are. When the narrative was all about Amanda Hocking, everybody was buzzing about her numbers, but nobody I know was buzzing about how good those books were. Focus less on the delivery of the stories and more about the quality of what’s being delivered.

The problem is, if more self-published authors did that, they'd have to acknowledge how insanely awful most of the "indie" stuff really is. Josin L. McQuein, one of the commentors on Chuck's post, summed up the problem perfectly:

...self-e-publishing is a lot like the atmosphere on a fanfiction site. It’s mostly garbage, and everyone reading it knows that. Among that garbage, there are pockets of gold and diamonds that, if found, will draw readers. (I wouldn’t be at all surprised if some of the more popular fanfic authors make a serious go of self-e-publishing. They’ve got a built in audience that can be tens of thousands strong in the larger fandoms.) The trick is, someone has to find those pockets of precious material and pass the information along. It doesn’t always happen. If you’re going to self-e-publish, then TAKE YOUR TIME. If it takes you weeks, months, or even a year to write your book, then why would you undermine all of that time and effort by rushing through the final steps of the process? If you’re going self-publish, then don’t handicap your novel by not making it the best you possibly can.

In other words, don't put the publishing cart before the story-telling horse.

The Avengers, a Quinn Martin Production

Here's the first fifteen minutes of the busted pilot ESCAPADE, producer Quinn Martin's awful attempt to do an American version of THE AVENGERS. 

 

Now You Can Finally See REMAINDERED

Last September, I wrote & directed the short film REMAINDERED in Owensboro, Kentucky with a great cast (Eric Altheide, Sebrina Siegel, Todd Reynolds and Lisa Baldwin) and a terrific crew on a $1500 budget.

Our film has played at the Beaufort International Film Festival, the Myrtle Beach International Film Festival, the Beverly Hills Shorts Festival, the Traverse City Shorts Festival, The Big Island Film Festival, and the Derby City Film Festival, where Sebrina Siegel was selected as a finalist for Best Actress. 

We also picked up some incredible reviews along the way, like these:

"REMAINDERED was such a hoot. I loved everything about it and had so much fun. More awesomeness from Lee Goldberg," Sara Gran, author of "Dope" and "Come Closer."

"This may be the only time you’ll ever hear the dictate 'Read to me' uttered quite so seductively. Telling more about Goldberg’s plot would spoil its many criminal and comic delights. [...]REMAINDERED may not be a mammoth Hollywood production, but Goldberg-has invested no less attention in its crafting because of that," J. Kingston Pierce, The Rap Sheet.

"REMAINDERED is brilliant! Hilarious, suspenseful, with booksigning sequences that induce PTSD... bravo!" Barry Eisler, bestselling author of "Hard Rain."

"REMAINDERED is terrific," Ken Levine, Emmy-award winning writer/producer of "M*A*S*H" and "Cheers." 

"REMAINDERED is great facial exercise for writers.  It makes us laugh and cry at the same time," Thomas Perry, bestselling author of "The Informant"

"One of the wiliest short stories I've read in many years. Really laughed my ass off when I read it. The short film based on it is equally excellent. Lee Goldberg at his very best," Ed Gorman, author of "Trouble Man."

"REMAINDERED was so well done on some many levels," Naomi Hirahara, bestselling author of "Blood Hina."

"A most enjoyable mini-feature. Professional all the way from screenplay to actors to direction. I must say I also laughed at all the touches of wry comedy. Lee Goldberg has the goods," William Link, Emmy Award winning writer/co-creator of "Columbo" and "Murder She Wrote"

"REMAINDERED is a hoot, a low budget production with a big heart and exceptional values, a twenty minute film that keeps you holding your breath until it explodes with laughter," Paul Bishop, author of "Twice Dead" and host of the  ABC reality series "Take the Money and Run." 

"The story was great and the actors were outstanding," Joel Goldman, author of "No Way Out."

"I loved REMAINDERED!" Daniel J. Hale, co-author of "Red Card."

"Very entertaining. Hard to believe it was directed by a first-timer. And I loved the soundtrack," Matt Witten, writer/producer of "House," "Medium" and "Law & Order."

"I enjoyed REMAINDERED immensely," Hal Ackerman, author of "Stein Stoned" and co-chair of the screenwriting department of the UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television

"One of the highlights of Bouchercon - the world mystery convention - was watching Lee Goldberg's independent film REMAINDERED. If it comes to a film festival near you, don't miss it. It rocked the house," Julie Kramer, author of "Silencing Sam."

"A marvelous script. Haven't heard that much out loud laughter from an audience in a long time," Robert S. Levinson, author of "Ask a Dead Man."

"Really well done and hilarious," Sheila Lowe, author of "Written in Blood"

"This twenty-minute film is funny, sharply observed, and very well put together. It might be a low-budget production, but it doesn't look it. The actors are having fun, and Goldberg gets the most out of every shot," Bill Crider, author of "Outrage at Blanco."

"Stinging and accomplished...the tale is as well-turned as you'd expect from a pro and it takes imaginative flight from a reality that'll be recognized by anyone who has ever faced the world over a stack of books at a signing table," Stephen Gallagher, author/writer/creator of the hit BBC TV series "The Eleventh Hour."

Now that a year has passed, and I'm preparing to shoot the sequel in Owensboro in early 2012 as a co-production with Riverpark Center and Firelight Entertainment Group, I thought it was time to finally share the film with everyone.

So here it is. I look forward to hearing what you think of the movie!

TV Main Title of the Week

Where You Lived

My brother Tod's latest collection of short stories, Where You Lived, is now available on the Kindle and the Nook, with a cover by my sister Linda Woods. The collection includes "the stories behind the stories," a peek at how his provocative,unusual, and ingenious tales were written. It's a steal at $2.99.

Please buy it so he doesn't have to pimp his wife on the mean streets of Indio in order to pay his staggering air conditioning bills.