A Writer's Life

Writers Write

My friend Lisa Klink has some great advice for TV writers who are finding it very cold out there right now:

Budgets have been cut and writing staffs have been reduced, resulting in more competition for jobs.  Some experienced writers are taking less money and/or lower titles just to keep working.  Networks are ordering fewer pilots, which is also increasing competition among writers trying to sell shows.  There’s a general tension and uncertainty in the air, which makes the people doing the hiring less inclined to take chances on unproven talent.

Depressed yet?  I don’t say all this to be discouraging, just to offer some perspective.  If you’re not getting the opportunities you’ve been hoping for, it probably has less to do with your talent as a writer than the stressed-out state of the business.  So what’s a writer to do?  What we do best.  Get creative.  Expand your horizons beyond television to other media: video games, web series, graphic novels, etc.  Get (or borrow) a digital camera and make a short.  Write a one act play and stage a reading.  Explore every possible way to get your work seen and produced.

None of this is to suggest that you should stop writing new specs, meeting new people and looking for TV work.  But in addition to a full-frontal assault, try coming at the TV biz sideways.  Having any kind of success in any medium will distinguish you from your competition.  More importantly, I think it’s psychologically helpful to any writer frustrated with the business to find other creative outlets.  Take a break from beating your head against the wall and have some fun with your talent.  Remind yourself that you are actually a good writer - and become an even better writer while you’re at it.

She's right. As my grandfather used to say, "You can't catch fish with your line in the boat" (it's amazing how many different situations I can apply that advice to, just like he did). That's why I am always working on several things at once.

Today is a good example. I had a pitch at FX, I did some research for my next "Monk" novel (which is due in April), I wrote five pages of my "standalone" novel, got notes on a spec script I've optioned to some producers,  and I started sketching out some ideas for a pitch I have on the 13th.

I have my professional ups and downs, and personal ones as well, but no matter what I am always writing something. Even when I had two broken arms. It's how I stay sane and it's probably how I stay in business.

Snead's Screed -- Dishonest or Stupid?

I don't know whether Louise Snead, publisher of Affaire De Coeur, is dishonest or stupid or self-deluded..or a little of all three. As you may recall, I took her magazine to task for her unethical editorial practices (accepting advertisements in exchange for reviews) and for an outrageously unethical conflict of interest  (her advertising director co-owns a sham publishing company that received cover stories, features, and extraordinarily positive reviews in the magazine).

In subsequent public comments on this blog and others, Snead and Bonny Kirby, her advertising director, unapologetically confirmed both the reviews-tied-to-advertising policy and the conflict-of-interest and defended them as appropriate conduct.

But now, in an Affaire De Coeur editorial, Sneed is trying to reframe the discussion by grossly mischaracterizing my objections, lying about her advertising policy, avoiding any mention of the magazine's conflict-of-interest, and chiding publishers for not rushing to her defense. Snead writes:

These are very serious, slanderous allegations, not even borne out by his own review. He didn't take out an ad and his publisher has never taken out ads either, so how did he manage to get a five star review if what he allegesis true?

As she knows, I never said my five-star review was bought. What I said was that AdC offered publishers the opportunity to buy reviews (and other editorial coverage) in exchange for an ad...and that, in some cases, purchasing a review was required before the book would be reviewed. Don't take my word for it, take Snead's, as stated in AdC's own advertising package:

To compliment your ad and review we also offer interviews or articles. If you would like an interview let us know 3 months in advance so it will go in the same issue as your review and ad.[...]Book cover ad.–This is the cover of the book that goes right beside (or above or below) the AdC review of your book.[...]We do not review books after publication unless it is done in association with an ad.

It's sleazy and unethical. And, therefore, I wanted nothing to do with them or their positive review of my book. She pretends not to have this policy in her editorial and then has the gall to say:

I was under the impression people could not simply tell lies on the Internet as if they were gospel. I was wrong.

But apparently she's under the impression that it's okay to tell lies in a magazine, since that is what she's doing. She's denying an advertising-for-reviews practice that both she and Kirby have previously defended in comments they posted here and on other blogs. Did she think no one would notice?

But of equal surprise was how disinterested in the truth some readers are. Some of the AdC staff and I responded to Goldberg's allegations with the correct facts, borne out by statistics which anyone can gather from our magazines, only to be completely ignored.

She's being disingenuous. It's not possible for readers to make an informed judgment about the magazine's biases and conflicts of interest when those relationships aren't disclosed.  You won't find any disclaimers alerting readers to reviews and articles that were written as a result of an advertisement being purchased by a publisher or author...nor any disclaimers alerting readers to articles, reviews, and cover stories about publishers and books in which executives at the magazine have a financial interest. Therefore, it is impossible for readers to gather anything from flipping through the magazines about the objectivity of Snead's reviews and articles. She writes:

[...]for 27 years we have strived to produce a product and reviews that are as good and unbiased as we can make then.

If that were true, she would have informed readers that all the Light Sword books that were reviewed -- all but one of which received four stars or better -- were published by a company co-owned by AdC's advertising director.

If that were true, she would have informed readers in the cover stories about Light Sword that the company they were raving about was co-owned by an AdC executive.

But those facts, representing an outrageous conflict-of-interest and bias, were not disclosed. And yet, Sneed expected publishers to line up to defend AdC's dubious editorial integrity.

A greater revelation is how cowardly some people are. AdC reviews over 100 books per issue, the vast majority of which do not have ads in the magazine. Hundreds of authors and publishers could have stepped forward and declared that Goldberg's opinions were false but sadly, only a few authors did — some with qualified statements — and only one publisher stepped up to the plate, saying that we review dozens of their books and they've never taken out an ad. And even then, she did it anonymously.

I'm guessing that publishers didn't defend of Snead because they have very little respect for the magazine and are disgusted by the repugnant conflicts-of-interest. I'm making that assumption based on the tons of emails I've received from authors and editors thanking me for taking a stand and exposing Snead's highly unethical editorial practices.

I am not surprised that Snead is using her magazine as a soapbox to present her side of the story nor that I am depicted as the anti-Christ nor that she doesn't acknowledge the unethical relationship between AdC and Light Sword Publishing.  It makes sense. She doesn't think that there is anything wrong with her ads-in-exchange-for-reviews policy or that her advertising director co-owns a sham publishing company that has been heavily promoted in her magazine and has been found guilty in court of defrauding authors. In her view, the only wrong here was that I dared to call her on it.

(Thanks to EREC for alerting me to the editorial)

Taking Pride & Glory in Cop Cliches

The movie "Pride & Glory"  has taken a long, troubled road to the screen. Among its problems, according to critics, is that its steeped in cliches. So much so, that the New York Times used it as a primer on NY cop movie cliches that just won't go away:

THE CONFLICTED POLICE OFFICER, who is torn between enforcing the law and watching the backs of his relatives or buddies in homicide/narcotics/missing persons/the seven-six. By the way, he has “seen some things.” Not things like traffic on the Belt Parkway or a matinee performance of “Mamma Mia!” But things that he really, really doesn’t want to talk about. Just leave it alone. O.K.? Just leave it.

THE POLICE OFFICER’S FATHER, who is either on The Job or just retired from The Job and who talks about honoring the family — though that family could be the one in the seven-six in Brooklyn or the one in a split-level out on Long Island. (It helps if the father drinks too much, so that someone at some point can reach for his glass and gently say, “Hey, Pop, you’ve had enough.”)

THE POLICE OFFICER’S SPOUSE OR GIRLFRIEND, who has left him because he is torn between her and The Job. Yes, he is really, really torn; leave it alone. But you know what? Jimmy, Billy, Timmy, Tommy, Sean, whatever your name is? She can’t take it anymore. She has to get on with her life. After an awkward hug, Jimmy, Billy, Timmy, Tommy, Sean, or whatever leaves to see some more things.

THE POLICE OFFICER’S FRIEND OR RELATIVE, whose behavior on The Job will place the protagonist in a no-win situation; he gets “jammed up,” a phrase you are welcome to use. They confront each other in a station house’s locker room, a split-level’s living room or a bar, where their feelings are such that words fail and only fists will do.

CORRUPTION, of course: the kind that, once exposed, will blow the lid off this town, and everybody, but everybody, gets jammed up. And finally, this:

ENOUGH REFERENCES TO IRISH AMERICA TO DRIVE YOU TO DRINK. But that’s a stereotype. Yeah, but I’m Irish-American, so it’s O.K. Or is it? Just leave it alone. Just leave it.

TV Main Title of the Week - Unsold Pilot Edition

Beached 4

The sun was out today in Myrtle Beach, where  I am speaking at the South Carolina Writer's Conference. I had some interesting encounters today...in the elevator, a woman said  to me:

"How much of your books does Tony Shalhoub write?"

"He doesn't write any of part of them," I replied.

"Then why is his face on the cover?"

"Because  he plays Adrian Monk on the TV show."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Don't you think that's deceiving readers?"

Another woman came up to me later in the day and said "Your books are very funny. Why aren't you as funny in person?"

Before my screenwriting seminar, a woman approached me and said "I'd like to attend your class but there's a more interesting one  at the same time."

Other than those comments, it has been a great day...a long one, and tiring, but a lot of fun anyway. And I had the pleasure of signing with my friend Michael Connelly and introducing him as our keynote speaker. He was an engaging, self-effacing, and inspirational speaker, as always.

Tomorrow I have  two more classes/seminars and then I take a late flight back to Los Angeles. 

Beached 3

This was the first day of the South Carolina Writer's Conference and I was kept pretty busy. I managed to sneak in a long walk on the beach before the rains came (which have lasted all day and into the night) and my three-hour  "Breaking Into TV Writing" seminar.   I had a great class of aspiring writers and don't have a single stupid question to share with you -- though one guy did walk out when I told him I wasn't interested in reading his scripts or his novel-in-progress. I am constantly surprised by how many people read this blog -- three people came up and chatted with me about posts they enjoyed or things that they've learned. One woman thanked me for steering her away from making a very expensive mistake with a vanity press. She was so anxious to get her novel published and the vanity press seemed like an attractive short cut to her -- but then she realized it was her desperation talking and not her good sense. It made me feel really good to know I saved at least one person from those scammers.

Beached 2

 

 I'm here in Myrtle Beach. I almost missed my flight -- a brush fire shutdown the 405 freeway and I had to go around it using surface streets. I was one of the last people to get on board my plane. Other than that, it was  an uneventful voyage. Tonight, I took a long walk on the beach and pigged out at a local fried fish place with my buddy James O. Born (who told me about his new scifi novel, written as "James O'Neill")  and some of the other attendees. Tomorrow morning, the conference starts at 8 so I am off to bed. Night night!

Beached

I am on my way to Myrtle Beach, SC to speak & teach at the South Carolina Writer's Conference. Other speakers/teachers include authors Michael Connelly and James O. Born and editors from St. Martins, HarperCollins, Little Brown, Random House and Thomas Dunne as well as a slew of agents. There's also going to be a rep there from Book Surge, and I've already warned the conference that I will be strongly advising aspiring writers to avoid vanity presses.

I've got to get up at 3:30 in the morning to make my flight...and since I usually go to bed around 1 or 2, I might just forgo sleep altogether and try to nap on the plane.

I've never been to Myrtle Beach and I'm really looking forward to it. I have a pretty busy schedule over the next four days, so I don't know if I will have a chance to post while I am there.

Nobody Does it Worse

The London Times lists some of the worst James Bond movie moments. I disagree with a lot of their choices, especially when there are so many truly awful moments to choose from.

For me, the worst moments were in "Moonraker" (Jaws flapping his arms, trying to fly as he fell from an airplane; Bond riding a horse to the theme from "The Magnificent Seven"), "A View to a Kill" (Bond skiing across an ice-lake to a Beach Boys song; getting into bed with Grace Jones and looking like a dirty old man),  "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" (007's arch-nemesis Blofeld doesn't recognize Bond because he's wearing a kilt!), "Diamonds Are Forever" (Bond tooling around the desert in a moon buggy), and "Die Another Day" (the invisible car and a ridiculous CGI Bond surfing a tidal wave).

(Thanks to Bill Crider for the link)

Taking Your Own Advice

I've taught writing a lot in the last few years -- UCLA Extension courses, Writers University online courses, week-long seminars abroad,  conference workshops, speaking engagements, etc.  One of the many reasons I enjoy doing it is that talking about craft invigorates my own writing and helps me take a fresh look at what I am doing. That point was underscored for me this week.

I have been reading & critiquing manuscripts and screenplays for the South Carolina Writers Conference, which I am attending this weekend.  Many of the manuscripts have serious structural problems, point-of-view issues, and are bogged down in insanely dull (and unnecessary) exposition & backstory. The stories never actually get started.

At the same time, I have been wrestling with the first 40 or so pages of a "standalone" crime novel that I'm writing. I am working with a much sketchier outline than I usually do...I thought it might be exciting for me since this isn't a "whodunit" and I pretty much know where I'm going. Maybe that's a mistake, because the writing hasn't been going well. I find myself continually rewriting my work and not getting anywhere.

I was in the midst critiquing one of the student manuscripts, and writing down my advice, when it hit me -- I was making the same mistakes in my work that he was in his.  I was smothering the drama and conflict in exposition, I wasn't giving the reader a chance to get invested in the characters or the story. I wasn't following that old screenwriting adage -- show, don't tell. I needed to get the story started, then carefully dole out the necessary exposition in bits and pieces in ways that reveal character and generate some conflict.

Yesterday I went back and rewrote my first 40 pages yet again...dramatizing key moments that I'd buried in exposition...and suddenly it all began to work. I felt a rhythm to the writing that was missing before. The story had a pulse, a forward momentum now...and it has carried me through my writing today.

That's not to say I won't have trouble again. I'm sure I will. I have been in this situation before on other books and scripts. But what can be great about teaching, at least for me, is that it can give you the distance and perspective you need on your own work.

TV Main Title of the Week

Fanfic Makes Proulx Regret Writing "Brokeback Mountain"

Pulitzer Prize winning author Annie Proulx has complained before about the misery  "Brokeback Mountain" fanfic has caused her and now she's doing it  again, this time on the front page of the Los Angeles Times.

"I wish I'd never written it," Proulx says at her home five miles outside town, looking out enormous windows onto the river and the limestone cliffs that define her property.

Not because of the people of Saratoga, a town she doesn't think much of. Not even because the word "brokeback" has been misappropriated, as in, "Hey, you're not goin' brokeback on me, are you?"

It's all the manuscripts, screenplays and letters sent to her by men who rewrite or serialize her story, adding new characters, endings and even successive generations.

Her frustration has been building for a while. She told the Wall Street Journal a few weeks ago that "Brokeback Mountain' has had little effect on my writing life, but is the source of constant irritation in my private life."

She lamented that  "remedial writers" are constantly sending "ghastly manuscripts and pornish rewrites of the story to me, expecting me to reply with praise and applause for 'fixing' the story...they know nothing of copyright infringement, that the characters Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar are my intellectual property."

Boston is Back

I haven't heard much about Boston Teran in years, but in the last few weeks he's been back in the news. Teran is a nom-de-plume for a secretive author, perhaps already well known under his own name. His first book under the Teran moniker, "God is a Bullet," got a lot of attention and an Edgar nomination, but his follow-up novels never generated the same heat. That could be changing.
Variety reports that his as-yet-unpublished western "Creed of Violence" has been bought by Univeral.

Story, set in 1910, revolves around an estranged father and son trying to thwart an arms smuggling ring bringing weapons to Mexico.

The novel caught fire among studios after the Natasha Kern Literary Agency submitted it to book publishers. Universal, which hasn't yet assigned a producer, made an aggressive offer and took the book off the table.

Several foreign territory publishing deals have already been made, but no U.S. publisher has been selected.

A few weeks back it was reported that hot screenwriter Ehren Kruger was adapting  "God is a Bullet" for a feature film that he might also direct. Is Boston Teran set for a comeback?

(the portrait of Boston Teran is from www.danielpeebles.com)

Sybil Meets Monk, eh?

Canadian broadcaster Canwest announced four new pilots that they are putting into production, including a one-hour drama called  "Shattered," which is described this way:

Kyle Logan, once the best cop in the force and now a damaged recluse, solves crimes with the help of his unconventional forensic squad - who just happen to be facets of his multiple-personality-disorder.

This latest in a long-line of "Monk" rip-offs sounds more like a "Saturday Night Live" spoof of a police procedural than an actual TV show.

Analog to Digital Yucks

David Simkins shared this hilarious clip from Spike Feresten  -- it's a fake public service announcement about the coming switch from analog to digital TV signals.  You'll enjoy it.

A "Fantastic" Book

IAMTW member Steven Savile's book "Fantastic TV: Fifty Years of Cult Fantasy and Science Fiction" is now available for pre-order on Amazon in advance of its December release. The book also features contributions from many other members of the International Association of Media Tie-in Writers.

TV Main Title of the Week

French Connection Deux

CinemaRetro has an excellent post on the making of THE FRENCH CONNECTION II, which took place in France. In the midst of production, director John Frankenheimer called reporter/novelist Pete Hamill to do an emergency rewrite on the script:

[When Frankenheimer] called me from Marseilles, asking me to help, I said I would try to get there within two days. "Why not one?" he said, and laughed nervously. I never asked why he called me. Someone hand-delivered a script to my place in New York and I read it on the plane. John, at that time, had a major problem. He had already shot nine days of the existing script. He had developed a reputation for going over budget, so had no flexibility. He couldn't re-shoot what was already in the can. That gave me a problem too, since I had to write around the existing pieces, which, as always, had been shot out of order. It was like working on a jigsaw puzzle.

It's not a very good movie, certainly not compared to THE FRENCH CONNECTION. Years ago, I read the FRENCH CONNECTION II novelization, which had a very different ending than the movie. 

SPOILER ALERT.

In the movie, Popeye Doyle runs along the Marseilles waterfront, trying to keep up with the bad guy, who was escaping on a yacht. Popeye eventually gets a clear shot and shoots the bad guy on the boat.

In the novelization, if I recall correctly, there's a convoluted ending involving a powerline and the bad guy getting electrocuted in a bus.

Is the New TV Season DOA?

TV critic Tim Goodman of the San Francisco Chronicle thinks so:

NBC's "Chuck" and "Life" haven't exactly lit up the Nielsens - so much for all that Olympics hype - and ABC's entire Wednesday night line-up, from "Pushing Daisies" to "Private Practice" to "Dirty Sexy Money" was essentially DOA when it premiered last week. If it doesn't improve substantially tonight - and odds are that it won't - ABC is going to be forced to either cancel series or drastically alter its schedule. That's not what you want to hear with the opening bell of the fall season still ringing faintly in everyone's ears.

Poor "Pushing Daisies" did horribly last week - laid out even by the dreadful "Knight Rider," which shouldn't even be on television. And the network can't claim one of their favorite excuses - less people are watching television - since more than 70 million watched the vice presidential debate last week. The people are out there. Thanks to the financial crises cratering our economy, those people are even at home. They're sitting right there! On the couch! But guess what? They don't like the network leftovers. Hell, they don't even like former hits, like "Heroes." The trajectory of that series? Down. How far down? Down.

James Poniewozik of Time Magazine agrees with him.

So we've pretty much established that nobody's watching anything this season. New shows are middling at best in the ratings, relaunched shows like Chuck and ABC's Wednesday have cratered—even hits like House and Grey's are not doing so hot.

[...]The conclusion? After the writers' strike, viewers didn't want a "do-over." They wanted a clean slate. They wanted to forget most of what they were watching before and see something brand-new, that would remind them why they missed TV. They still want brand new. And it looks like they will end this season still waiting for brand-new.

Speaking of "brand new," I saw MY OWN WORST ENEMY and thought it was a great pilot. I have no idea how they are going to pull it off as a series, but at least it wasn't a re-tread of a 1970s show, or a remake of a British program, or another grim procedural.

Can't Get it Up

The Erotic Romance & Epublisher Comparison blog (EREC) takes a look at publishers' sales figures for a handful of erotic ebooks:

Averages are based on at least 5 in print books by at least 3 different authors.

AVERAGE FIRST MONTH SALES
[updated September 28, 2008]
Ellora's Cave--715 copies (25 books)
Samhain--229 copies (18 books)
Loose Id--210 copies (49 books)
Amber Quill--203 copies (9 books)
Liquid Silver--189 copies (13 books)
Torquere--121 copies (14 books)
Cobblestone--84 copies (31 books)

AVERAGE TOTAL SALES IN THE FIRST YEAR
[updated September 28, 2008]
Ellora's Cave--796 copies (25 books)
Loose Id--468 copies (49 books)
Amber Quill--684 copies (9 books)
Samhain--515 copies (18 books)
Liquid Silver--167 copies (13 copies)
Torquere--101 copies (14 books)
Cobblestone--252 copies (31 books)

AVERAGE TOTAL SALES FOR BOOK OUT FOR ONE YEAR OR MORE
[updated September 28, 2008]
Ellora's Cave--1206 copies (24 books)
Loose Id--765 copies (49 books)
Amber Quill--832 copies (9 books)
Samhain--586 copies (18 books)
Liquid Silver--533 copies (13 copies)
Cobblestone--485 copies (31 books)
Torquere--330 copies (14 books)

If I'm reading these figures correctly (I suck at math), then the average Ellora's Cave author in this sample is selling a mere 50 books a year, an Amber Quill author 92. If this sample is representative of erotic ebooks sales as a whole, and that's a big if,  the figures are pitiful for authors looking to establish a readership or to make any money. Even so, EREC finds encouragement in these numbers, which they say represent a steady uptick in erotic ebook sales over previous years.

UPDATE: I'm an idiot. When I said I suck at math, I forgot to mention I also suck at reading comprehension. I apologize for my obvious ignorance. Here's an explanation of the first year erotic ebook sales numbers from a reader:

The "average" in question is an arithmetic mean. So the average EC book is selling 796 books a year. I thought that was fairly clear but I live and learn. Whether that is enough for any given author is up to them once the info is made available.

And here's an explanation of the figures for ebooks out for a year or more from another reader:

EREC has received information on sales for 24 seperate EC titles.
Averaging out those sales for the 24 books (total number of all 24 titles sold divided by 24) equals, on average, an EC book sells 1206 copies in its first year. 

Thank you both for the corrections. I stand corrected (and embarrassed).

That said, the numbers are still pitiful compared to even the worst selling print titles. Erotic ebooks have to go a long, longway before they are competitive with print or make much financial sense for writers (though ebook writers keep insisting that it's the "wave of the future," though the e-tsunami is sure taking it's time getting here from tomorrow). That's assuming, of course, that the writers of erotic ebooks want to make any money, which I suspect isn't as important to them as simply getting their work out there. But even on that level, 1200 people isn't much of an audience. If eyeballs are all those writers care about, they could reach far more people simply by posting their erotic fiction on a blog.

So This is Why I Spent Three Hours Yesterday Organizing my iTunes Library...

Author Donna Andrews is on deadline and procrastinating.

I'm only one day behind where I want to be on the book.  I'm chugging along, slowly but steadily.  But my writing avoidance behaviors are in full bloom.

One of the most common writing avoidance behaviors is nesting. Cleaning, organizing, and tidying.  It's not just me; a year or so ago, a writer friend reported a bafflingly  sudden and uncharacteristic urge to clean her desk. . . her office . . . perhaps her whole house.  Several of us asked if, perchance, she was on deadline.  Of course she was.  You may tell yourself that you can write better in a tidy office; you may claim that you're thinking about your book while dusting, mopping, scrubbing, and sorting; you may even be telling the truth.  But never try to fool yourself that these sudden domestic urges aren't writing avoidance.

I know exactly how she feels. Last night I "cleaned up" my iTunes library and playlists and when I looked up again, three hours had passed. I've also been obsessive about trimming our trees. I think it's because I'm nervous about actually starting to write the "standalone" book that I've been noodling with in my mind for months...

I'd start to write it at this very moment but I have to Twitter somebody, make some more connections on LinkedIn, and clean out my office closet first...

Talking to a Blogger is Treason...

...at least that's what the execs at the Los Angeles Times think about employees who pass info to the excellent LA Observed blog, which reports:

According to multiple sources at the Times, new publisher Eddy Hartenstein has been calling it "treason" for employees to share information with LA Observed. Now, it's easy to dismiss his rhetoric as beginner jitters — history has seen plenty of media publishers who naively try to muzzle the journalists who work for them, only to learn that it can't be done. (Never mind that it's antithetical to why the paper exists.)

[...]So take precautions — use your personal email, our PO box, or pick up the phone — and don't presume they aren't watching. And be assured that I will continue to report accurately on the Times with your help and, as always, will never divulge my sources.

UK Prosecutors Target SickFic About Real People

There's a whole sub-culture of fanficcers who get off writing fantasies about famous people having sex with one another and others. You know, stuff like Leonardo DiCaprio giving Jude Law an education in male coupling or the Spice Girls re-enacting their favorite sex scenes from "The L Word." The authors of this kind of SickFic argue that because they are writing and distributing stories about fictional sex between "public figures," it's okay. Well, prosecutors in the U.K don't think so. They think it's obscene and a violation of the law. The Register reports:

The legal world is buzzing at the announcement last week of the prosecution of 35-year-old civil servant Darryn Walker for the online publication of material that Police and Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) believe to be obscene.

This is the first such prosecution for written material in nearly two decades – and a guilty verdict could have a serious and significant impact on the future regulation of the internet in the UK.

The case originated in summer 2007, when Mr Walker allegedly posted a work of fantasy – titled Girls (Scream) Aloud - about pop group Girls Aloud. The story describes in detail the kidnap, rape, mutilation and murder of band members Cheryl Cole, Nadine Coyle, Sarah Harding, Nicola Roberts and Kimberley Walsh, and ends with the sale of various body parts on eBay.

The piece was brought to the attention of the Internet Watch Foundation, whose remit includes the monitoring of internet material deemed to be criminally obscene: they in turn handed details over to the Police.

The case goes to trial on March 16, 2009 in Newcastle. Other newspapers report that Walker wrote the story under the pseudonym "Blake Sinclair" and posted it on Kristen's Collection, SickFic site that also includes a "Real Person Fic" about raping and mutilating Britney Spears.

I'm sure that the Organization for Transformative Works, which thinks that writing and distributing this kind of swill is a God-given "fannish right," and Dr. Robin Reid, the creative writing instructor at Texas A&M who writes and champions "Real Person Slash" (her favorite SickFic fantasy is Viggo Mortenson and any male actor in Hollywood) will be watching this case very closely. A conviction could lead to a long overdue crack-down on this garbage.

Burning up the Internet

My brother Tod will be interviewed at 7:30 Pacific time tonight on "Dave White Presents" by spy fiction expert Wes Britton about his new book BURN NOTICE: THE FIX. If you miss it tonight, you can download the program here.

Absolutely Scary

The wave of British TV series remakes on American networks is continuing. Variety reports that Fox is developing a U.S. version of  "Absolutely Fabulous" set in Los Angeles. Christine Zander, a writer for "Saturday Night Live," will write the script and exec produce with Mitch Hurwitz, Ian Moffet and the original creator/star/producer Jennifer Saunders. This is not the first time a U.S. network has tried an Abfab redo.  Roseanne Barr and Carrie Fisher teamed up for a U.S. version ten years back for ABC but it went nowhere.

Mr. Monk and the Dirty Cop

 
Here is the dust jacket for MR. MONK AND THE DIRTY COP, which comes out in June 2009. It's my favorite MONK cover yet. (Click on the photo for a larger view... or here for an even larger one).

TV Main Title of the Week

I've posted this one before...but I love it, so here it is again.

Selling My Signature

 I was on ebay tonight, listing some old textbooks for my daughter. Since I can't pass a search box without typing my own name into it,  I discovered  that there's someone selling cards with my signature on them at five bucks a pop. I can' t imagine who'd want it...especially since it's not my signature. It's not even close, as you can see from the signed copy of MR. MONK IN OUTER SPACE that somebody else is selling. Which makes me wonder...why would anyone waste their time faking my autograph? There can't possibly be any money in that.

UPDATE: The guy has corrected his auction. It turns out the signature is my brother Tod's and that's worth at least five bucks. Maybe as much as  $5.25.

Mr. Monk and the Family Affair

Reading MONK has become a family affair for the Richardsons of El Segundo, California,  who sent me this photo and this nice note: "Sorry to beat you out of book sales but we pass each copy from one generation to the next; Grandma, Mom & Daughter.  We are looking forward to Paris! Ellen, Susan, & Robin." They won't have to wait long -- I am sending them a galley of MR. MONK IS MISERABLE.

Go Go Gischler

My friend Victor Gischler's publisher has christened him their go-go-to guy for fun fiction. First there was GO-GO GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE and now they've retitled his next book VAMPIRES A GO-GO. I can't wait to see what's go-going to be the title of his third book under his deal with Touchstone.