A Writer's Life

Still Clueless After After All These Years

I am in Berlin...and too busy and jet-lagged to post, so here's some feldergarb-from-the-past. This post is from Sept. 2004 is about a group of fans clamoring for the return of  "Battlestar Galactica" with the original cast...despite the fact that there's a hit revival of the show already on the air.   What's even more amazing is that these clueless morons are still at it, three years later...

Yesterday in Variety, a bunch of clueless morons calling themselves The Colonial Fan Force ran a full-page, color advertisement clamoring for a "Battlestar Galactica" movie starring the original cast.

Millions of fans still dream of seeing the Battlestar Galactica roam the heavens once more in a big screen continuations of the epic story that began in 1978 with the original cast and characters leading a new generation of warriors

Yeah, right... there are millions, no TENS of millions, of fans clamoring for the return of Herb Jefferson, Laurette Sprang, Dirk Benedict, and Richard Hatch (who is not nearly as powerful an actor as the nude guy of the same name on "Survivor"... nor as successful). I suspect the real audience is about 100 fat guys in their 40s, who at this very moment are busily duping all their Heather Thomas videos onto DVD...

That said, I am always amused by the losers who spend their comic book money on pointless ads like this (or, worse, the ones who publish a synopsis of, or excerpt from, their unsold screenplays). The advertising guys at Variety and the Hollywood Reporter must laugh themselves silly with glee every time one of these suckers comes in.

In the case of the "Battlestar Galactica," the folks at "The Colonial Fan Force" urge the readers of Variety (most of whom are entertainment industry professionals) to write writer/producer Glen A. Larson and Tom DeSanto, a guy who once tried to launch a movie version of the TV show. This shows just how little the people who paid for this ad understand about how the business works...and even sillier when you consider the SciFi Channel is already in the midst of shooting a new "Battlestar Galactica" TV series from NBC/Universal Studios with an all-new cast led by Edward James Olmos.

I suppose we have Gene Roddenberry to blame for this, ever since he cleverly engineered the so-called "viewer campaign" to save "Star Trek" from cancellation. So now we get ads demanding the return of dull supporting characters axed from TV shows (the "Save Marina" campaign on "The L Word" comes to mind) and from the millions of fans still crying over the demise of "Manimal." I'm looking forward to the "Bring Gloria Reuben back to MISSING" ads... maybe the Colonial Fan Force can take up the cause.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't joke. This "Battlestar Galactica" stuff is serious business, as is clear from the Colonial Fan Force website:

We've got to buckle down, and get to work. It's going to be up to each member of fandom to make sure our efforts come to fruition. The CFF and its leadership will remain active in coordinating fan efforts as much as possible, but everyone reading this page has got to accept individual responsibility for making sure that we, as a group, rise together and speak with one voice. None of us can afford to think that "someone else will do it." We've all got to find some time (and some stamps), and make it happen. We've got to make some collective noise.

This would be funny if it wasn't so sad. Think of all the truly worthy causes that could benefit from the same time, effort and money these morons are devoting with such earnestness to this idiotic pursuit...

I am in Berlin...and too busy and jet-lagged to post, so here's some feldergarb-from-the-past. This post is from Sept. 2004 is about a group of fans clamoring for the return of  "Battlestar Galactica" with the original cast...despite the fact that there's a hit revival of the show already on the air.   What's even more amazing is that these clueless morons are still at it, three years later...

Yesterday in Variety, a bunch of clueless morons calling themselves The Colonial Fan Force ran a full-page, color advertisement clamoring for a "Battlestar Galactica" movie starring the original cast.

Millions of fans still dream of seeing the Battlestar Galactica roam the heavens once more in a big screen continuations of the epic story that began in 1978 with the original cast and characters leading a new generation of warriors

Yeah, right... there are millions, no TENS of millions, of fans clamoring for the return of Herb Jefferson, Laurette Sprang, Dirk Benedict, and Richard Hatch (who is not nearly as powerful an actor as the nude guy of the same name on "Survivor"... nor as successful). I suspect the real audience is about 100 fat guys in their 40s, who at this very moment are busily duping all their Heather Thomas videos onto DVD...

That said, I am always amused by the losers who spend their comic book money on pointless ads like this (or, worse, the ones who publish a synopsis of, or excerpt from, their unsold screenplays). The advertising guys at Variety and the Hollywood Reporter must laugh themselves silly with glee every time one of these suckers comes in.

In the case of the "Battlestar Galactica," the folks at "The Colonial Fan Force" urge the readers of Variety (most of whom are entertainment industry professionals) to write writer/producer Glen A. Larson and Tom DeSanto, a guy who once tried to launch a movie version of the TV show. This shows just how little the people who paid for this ad understand about how the business works...and even sillier when you consider the SciFi Channel is already in the midst of shooting a new "Battlestar Galactica" TV series from NBC/Universal Studios with an all-new cast led by Edward James Olmos.

I suppose we have Gene Roddenberry to blame for this, ever since he cleverly engineered the so-called "viewer campaign" to save "Star Trek" from cancellation. So now we get ads demanding the return of dull supporting characters axed from TV shows (the "Save Marina" campaign on "The L Word" comes to mind) and from the millions of fans still crying over the demise of "Manimal." I'm looking forward to the "Bring Gloria Reuben back to MISSING" ads... maybe the Colonial Fan Force can take up the cause.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't joke. This "Battlestar Galactica" stuff is serious business, as is clear from the Colonial Fan Force website:

We've got to buckle down, and get to work. It's going to be up to each member of fandom to make sure our efforts come to fruition. The CFF and its leadership will remain active in coordinating fan efforts as much as possible, but everyone reading this page has got to accept individual responsibility for making sure that we, as a group, rise together and speak with one voice. None of us can afford to think that "someone else will do it." We've all got to find some time (and some stamps), and make it happen. We've got to make some collective noise.

This would be funny if it wasn't so sad. Think of all the truly worthy causes that could benefit from the same time, effort and money these morons are devoting with such earnestness to this idiotic pursuit...

Tit for Tate

I am getting lots of hits today from people looking for information about the vanity press Tate Publishing. Here's what I wrote about the company last year, when I got the following email from someone...

My daughter (14 years old) recently submitted (through her school) a children’s book that she wrote.   Surprisingly, she received a contract to publish her book from Tate Publishing.  However, they are asking us to invest almost $4,000.  I am simply trying to determine if Tate is a vanity publisher, POD publisher, or what?  I want to support my daughter, but I want to be educated first.  I cannot find much on the internet about Tate Publishing.  Any information you could provide would be greatly appreciated.

I can't imagine why any school or responsible teacher would submit student work to a vanity press, but that issue aside, here's what I told her (which will be familiar to any of you who read this blog on a regular basis):

Legitimate publishers pay YOU, not the other way around. Any publisher that asks you for money in return for "publishing" your book is a vanity press.  If you are intent on publishing your daughter's work in book form yourself, go to iUniverse, it's a hell of a lot cheaper.

Here's another email I received about Tate:

What can you tell me about Tate Publishing Co? Unfortunately, I have already invested almost $ 8,000 in 2 books, both of which are now published. I visited their offices twice, met the staff and felt they were legit Christian organization.

I don't know what being Christian has to do with anything. What makes him think that a Christian won't rip him off? I guess he 's unfamiliar with most TV evangelists and their "send me your cash" brand of faith and spirituality. But that's a different issue. As far as Tate goes, I told him basically the same thing I told the other person: 

They are a vanity press. I'm sure you can find some legit Christians at another vanity press who will print your manuscript in book form for much less money.

My daughter (14 years old) recently submitted (through her school) a children’s book that she wrote.   Surprisingly, she received a contract to publish her book from Tate Publishing.  However, they are asking us to invest almost $4,000.  I am simply trying to determine if Tate is a vanity publisher, POD publisher, or what?  I want to support my daughter, but I want to be educated first.  I cannot find much on the internet about Tate Publishing.  Any information you could provide would be greatly appreciated.

I can't imagine why any school or responsible teacher would submit student work to a vanity press, but that issue aside, here's what I told her (which will be familiar to any of you who read this blog on a regular basis):

Legitimate publishers pay YOU, not the other way around. Any publisher that asks you for money in return for "publishing" your book is a vanity press.  If you are intent on publishing your daughter's work in book form yourself, go to iUniverse, it's a hell of a lot cheaper.

Here's another email I received about Tate:

What can you tell me about Tate Publishing Co? Unfortunately, I have already invested almost $ 8,000 in 2 books, both of which are now published. I visited their offices twice, met the staff and felt they were legit Christian organization.

I don't know what being Christian has to do with anything. What makes him think that a Christian won't rip him off? I guess he 's unfamiliar with most TV evangelists and their "send me your cash" brand of faith and spirituality. But that's a different issue. As far as Tate goes, I told him basically the same thing I told the other person: 

They are a vanity press. I'm sure you can find some legit Christians at another vanity press who will print your manuscript in book form for much less money.

TV Main Title of the Week - Special Edition

On the Fast Track Again

I am off to Berlin again today for more pre-production work on FAST TRACK...and will be returning to L.A. in mid-April. Hopefully, by the end of this trip, I will be able to tell you who the newcomers will be who are starring in the pilot.

On the Fast Track Again

I am off to Berlin again today for more pre-production work on FAST TRACK...and will be returning to L.A. in mid-April. Hopefully, by the end of this trip, I will be able to tell you who the newcomers will be who are starring in the pilot.

What If JFK Lived?

My friend Bryce Zabel has launched a new blog that features the first three chapters of "alternative history" novel he's co-written with Harry Turtledove that asks this question: What if JFK survived the assassination attempt?

Destroying the Old Destroyer

My friend Warren Murphy alerted me to the first review of THE NEW DESTROYER #1: GUARDIAN ANGEL, the first Remo Williams title from the series'  new publisher, Tor Books. Warren takes the unusual approach of declaring in this book that the last dozen or so DESTROYERS, which veered sharply from his original vision of the characters, simply "never happened."

Call Me if Jessica Fletcher is Unavailable

I just love going to conferences....people always say the strangest things to me. Today, I was a guest speaker, along with Harley Jane Kozak and Nathan Walpow, at the Anaheim Public Library's HOLLYWOOD AND CRIME luncheon, which was attended by 350 people.  I had a great time and everyone was so nice. But here's a sampling of the odd conversations I had before and after my panel:

A woman asked me if she could visit the set of MONK when she's in Los Angeles with her family. I said it wasn't open to the public.

"You mean it's not filmed in front of a live audience?" she asked.

"No, it's not," I said. "Haven't you noticed that it's shot outdoors as well as indoors and that you don't ever hear anyone laughing or applauding?"

She shrugged. "I just thought they were being very quiet."

******

"How come the MONK show is called MONK?" a woman asked me.

"That's the character's name," I replied.

"But he's not a monk," she said.

"No, he's not. He's a detective named Monk."

"That's very confusing," she said. "I'm surprised the monks don't sue."

* * * * * *

A man approached me carrying a half-a-dozen of my books. "So you wrote all these books?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did you come up with the plots, too?"

"Yes, I did."

"Wow," he said. "I wonder how many other writers do that."

******

A man asked me to sign my books. As I signed them, he asked: "Do you get paid for writing these?"

I could see from the expression on his face that it wasn't a rhetorical question or an insult. It was a genuine question.

"Yes, I do."

"Is that unusual? Or do all writers get paid?"

"They do if they are writing for a reputable, legitimate publisher."

He shook his head. "That's hard to believe."

* * * * *

A woman told me she was an avid reader of my books and really enjoyed them.

"Thank you," I said.

"I think the mysteries are terrific," she said. "They are brilliantly plotted and so twisty."

"That's very nice of you to say. Plotting the books is the hardest part for me. It's really gratifying for me to know all that work isn't for nothing."

"Do the police ever contact you to solve murders?"

"No," I said.

"They really should," she said. "You're so good at it."

* * * * * *

A big man came up to me and Harley at the signing table, told us he had a lot of "Tarantino movie ideas," and that he'd been asked to play Bigfoot in a film by a screenwriter that he'd met at Starbucks.

"All I have to do is roar and look menacing," he said. "But I want to do it in an environmentally conscious way, like Steven Segal."

Hey, Did You Know That if Fanfiction Went Away, There Would Be No More Gays or Lesbians? What would we watch late at night on Cinemax?

I got a long email the other day. It turns out it's from the same blogger who thinks I'm a sad little man who longs to write fanfiction.  She writes, in part:

I am a fanfiction writer, a slash fanfiction writer at that, I am not as illustrious or ambitious or zealous as some but I am glad to be one. I am as proud to be a slash fanfiction writer as I am to a lesbian and let me tell you it is very much the same feeling.

[...]At fifteen I bumped into my very first piece of fanfiction and it was like a bolt of lightening and then a few weeks later when I read my first piece of slash- its was very much like the first time I ever consider that I might be gay. It’s that monumental feeling of freedom, of knowledge; you finally know why the world seems a little off.

[...]My point is that fanfiction to you and (I’ll be presumptuous and say) I get the impression writing is too, nothing more than a hobby or a job and there’s nothing wrong with that. But you have to understand that for a lot of fans this writing helps shape who they are.

[...]Do you hate gay people Mr. Goldberg? I don’t think that you do, even if you just objected to slash fanfiction, I still would not think that. But what is the difference between what you do and a father who tells his 15 year old son it’s not okay to be gay? If there is one I can’t see it and you can hide behind all the copyright laws that you wish, but I assure you it will be no different then how the church hides behind over-zealously translated bible script.

Why is it that the people who write & publish fanfic feel that if I oppose what they are doing I must be either homophobic or have no passion for writing myself?

I love writing and am passionate about it.  I'm extremely fortunate that it's also how I make my living and support my family, too. But believe it or not, loving to write...and making money doing it...aren't mutually exclusive. 

But now by opposing fanfiction, I'm not just a passionless hack who writes only for the money...I am also preventing people from discovering their sexuality.

Call me crazy, but I think there are lots of ways you can discover and explore your sexuality without taking  characters you didn't create or own, writing stories about them, and publishing them on the web without the author's permission. It's one thing to write fanfic for yourself to fantastize about or as a writing exercise, it's another when you publish and/or post the stories on the web without the original authors' consent. 

I believe it's theoretically possible that women will still discover that they are lesbians without writing and publishing/posting stories about Buffy and Xena exploring the joys of sapphic love together...and that men might continue to discover their gay selves without writing and publishing/posting stories about Harry Potter giving Ron blowjobs...

King of the Hill

For a guy who says he doesn't want people to know that Stephen King is his Dad, Joe Hill is making sure everybody knows it.  From Publisher's Weekly to yesterdays Los Angeles Times,  he seems to be coming out everywhere as King's s0n to promote his new book "Heart-Shaped Box." Publisher's Weekly wrote:

Joe Hill, whose debut novel, Heart-Shaped Box, will be published by William Morrow in February 2007, is so intent on not trading on his father's fame that he years ago stopped using his given name, Joseph Hillstrom King. And before setting up an interview with the author, Morrow publicist Seale Ballenger warned, "Joe really doesn't want to talk about his relationship with Stephen King."

Fair enough. But in the battle to win attention for an emerging writer, it's pretty hard to resist using such a potent weapon. So when Ballenger sent PW an e-mail stressing the importance of reviewing Hill's book, he wrote, "This is a huge book for us (two-book deal and he is Stephen King's son)."

Now he's talking about it in interview after interview. The LA Times wrote:

Hill, 34, took on his secret identity to test his writing skills and marketability without having to trade on the family name.

"I really wanted to allow myself to rise and fall on my own merits," he said.

Apparently, that's changed. But I don't blame him or his publisher. Finding a promoteable angle for an author and his book is tough...so why shouldn't he use the fact that he's following in his Dad's famous footsteps to get some attention? More power to him. What I find disingenuous, however, is that he keeps trying to maintain the notion that he's not doing it...even while he's doing it, over and over.

Comment Moderation

The amount of comment spam I am getting lately from porn sites is huge... so, until it abates, I am unfortunately going to have to continue moderating the comments here...especially since I will be traveling so much in the coming weeks.

Me on TV...again

I'm back again as a guest on Steve Murphy's INSIDER EXCLUSIVE with NY criminal defense attorney Laura Miranda. I come in about mid-way through the episode to talk about MONK, DIAGNOSIS MURDER and  my daughter's literary aspirations. And stick around after he says good-bye to me...because I come right back, teaming with Laura.

And if you missed me on INSIDER EXCLUSIVE with famed criminal defense attorney Tom Mesereau, you can see it here.

Am I Satan...

...or just a sad little man with serious self-esteem issues who longs to write fanfiction? You tell me. I am too distracted to decide...I'm very busy working on my FARSCAPE/BATTLESTAR/HARRY POTTER crossover slash epic.

On The Way

Howdy from the British Airways first class lounge in Heathrow. This lounge feels like a low-end Las Vegas buffet...and is more crowded than the terminal. It also smells like split pea soup. Luxurious, huh? I am grabbing a newspaper, a scone, and heading for my flight.  The next time you hear from me, I will be back in L.A., working on my tan and my jet-lag.

Playing with Toys

Greetings from Berlin...

Here's the latest scoop from the production of FAST TRACK, the two-hour movie/series pilot that I wrote and am exec producing for ProSiebenSat1 and Action Concept.

I spent the day in meetings with our director, the line producer, the second unit director, stunt coordinator and the driving supervisor discussing how we are going  to do the races and chases in FAST TRACK. 

These are the professionals who have  been doing  the hit  German series ALARM FOR COBRA 11, so they really know their stuff when it comes to doing incredible car action. But what we are going to be doing in FAST TRACK is stylistically very different from COBRA 11...and, we hope, from what viewers have seen in the FAST AND THE FURIOUS movies (for one thing, we don't have $60 million to spend!).

We want to  create a unique look that is entirely our own. It starts with character, character and more character...and then cool driving stuff.  So we got out a box of toy cars and began talking about how we are going to do it.

There we were, a bunch of grown men, sitting around a table playing with cars.

Vroom! Crash! Boom!

And in that moment, I was a kid again with my Hot Wheels and Matchbox toys, dreaming of being a writer some day...

I'm such a lucky guy.

Soon the toy cars we'll be playing with will be real ones!

I finally had a good night's sleep last night...so, naturally, tomorrow I am leaving for L.A. so I can get hit with jet-lag going the opposite direction and attend casting sessions for two of our four lead roles.

Coming to Life

Typepad recovered my earlier, lost post about the first few days of pre-production on FAST TRACK, so that saves me having to tell you all about that again. So here's the latest news...

I love the prep period. That's when the project finally feels real to me...figuratively and literally. Unlike writing a book, TV  is a collaboration. For example, the production designers are showing me sketches and concepts for the places that only existed before in my imagination.... how they will make those places real. But more  than that, these artists are bringing so much that's new and fresh, that comes  from their own talent and experience. I enjoy seeing how my work has inspired them... it  makes me feel great. 

On Monday, I went to visit our production office for the first time (all my meetings so far have been in cafes and hotel rooms). It's a building in  an  industrial  area of Berlin. I saw the two floors of empty offices and the adjoining buildings that will serve as the construction shop, car-tuning shop, etc. It's a big complex...and within days, it will start  to fill up with people working on the movie. By the end of next week, it will be a bee-hive  of activity, everyone working towards a common goal -- making what I wrote alone in my home-office into a movie.  But for the moment, it's just the line producer,  his assistant, and me. I picked out a spot for myself and my assistant and tried to imagine what it's going to look like in two weeks when it's full of furniture, white boards, computers, printers, and shooting schedules. I felt both excitement and anxiety. There's  so much work to do...and so many decisions to make.

I spent the day with my director, talking in detail about the pilot script and the hoped-for series...and about how I see the world and the characters and how he sees them. Then we met with the last candidate for production designer, played some Playstation racing games, and made some final hiring decisions.  That night, I reviewed more DVDs of actors, costume designers, etc. and prepared for my meeting today in Munich with the network.

The meeting went very, very well...we are amazingly in-synch about what the show is and will be...and about the people we'd like to hire to make it happen. But they are more than just a network, they are our production partner in this project so it's a much closer working relationship, at least on a creative level, than you usually have in a "supplier and buyer" situation. I'm so lucky to have a clever and articulate network executive on the project whose creative contributions consistently make the show better. We decided on the production designer and costume designers  we wanted -- and the network agreed -- so  tomorrow we will close their deals and get them on-board.

Tomorrow I meet with the second unit director and stunt coordinators to have our initial concept discussions about the racing sequences...and then I return to L.A. for casting.

I have been having trouble sleeping. It' s not just the jet-lag -- I have  so much on my mind that it's hard to "shut down." I know what I am about to say is a cliche, but....there's just not enough hours in the day.

Oh, yesterday I also looked at the suite my family and I will be staying in when I return on the 30th and for the duration of production. It's beautiful and perfectly located. The U.S. actors will also be staying at the same place and I think they will be very happy there. The location in Berlin can't be beat. It's going to be fun for my family and I hope an exciting experience for my daughter.

I apologize for rambling....I'll try to report back again once more before I fly home.

This is Why Producers Like Shooting TV Shows in Canada

The Drake Hotel in Toronto is offering sex toys on the room service menu, according to USA Today. Vibrators, massage oils, condoms, velvet restraints and how-to videos can be sent up the guests. The "pleasure kits" start at $35:

The 19 room Drake is a boutique hotel that attracts artists and actors. The aim is service that complements the hotel's artsy image.

"We see ourselves as a bit of a trailblazer," owner Jeff Stober says. The racy room service menu [...] is "in keeping with the theme of sex that has always played a role in artistic works. We are embracing that artistic spirit."

Actual embraces cost extra. They aren't the only Toronto hotel that's added sex-centives. The Grand Hotel, where our MISSING directors liked to stay, provides two channels of free, 24-hour porn, for their guests (for the record, I stayed at the Cambridge Suites, which offered no such goodies).

If Governor Arnold wants to keep movie production in California, he can forget about tax incentives and renegotiating with unions. Free vibrators for every member of the film crew! Sexual surrogates sent to the door of every screenwriter faced with a production rewrite!

TV Main Title of the Week

It Begins

Sorry I haven't posted much ... it's been an exhausting few days.

My flight to Berlin on Thursday was stuck on the ground at LAX for two
hours while workers tried to fix some mechanical problem. We made up
most of the lost time in flight, but about an hour before landing in
Heathrow, the passenger in the aisle across from me collapsed. The
stewardess got on the intercom and asked if there were any doctors on
board. Within minutes, there were about half-a-dozen doctors rushing up
to First Class to deal with the unconscious man.  I guess he was okay,
because he walked of the plane to the waiting paramedics when  we landed.

The security checkpoint in Heathrow is chaos...and takes forever. They
only allow passengers one carry on, and for women that *includes* the
purse, and I guess a lot of people weren't told about that before
getting on their planes to London. It  was ugly. I managed to make my
connecting flight to Berlin...in fact, I even had a few extra minutes
to pick up the INSPECTOR LEWIS dvd boxed set at an airport store.

I was met in Berlin by my line producer, who took me to my hotel and
then to a long dinner to discuss the script, some of the production
challenges it presents, and to tell me about the potential production
designers, casting directors, costume designers, writers, etc. that I'd
be meeting over the next few days. We start shooting the pilot on May
20, and this is a very stunt-heavy show, so there's lots of work to do.
On top of that,  I also have to develop the storylines  for the first
eight episodes and deliver them to the network before we start shooting
the pilot...so I am really feeling the pressure and so is he.

I got back to my hotel around 10 pm and by 11 I was in bed. I managed to
get a solid eight hours sleep, which was  a relief after 28 straight
hours without rest. I figured I'd be firmly on German time the next morning.

It was one interview after another. By the time the day was done,
though, I settled on a casting director and hired my assistant/script
coordinator.  We went through through dozens of actor show-reels and I
watched some of the work done by our top choice to direct the pilot.
After great dinner with the line producer and his girlfriend, I returned
to my hotel to watch more DVDs and pick some scenes for our American
casting director to use for auditioning the U.S. actors. I was exhausted
and fell into bed at midnight....and was still awake at 1:30 am. I
finally fell asleep some time after two...and awoke at 5 am. I couldn't
get back to sleep...and finally gave up trying around 7:30. I got up,
showered and took a long walk to Checkpoint Charlie, Potsdamer Platz,
Brandenburg  Gate and the Reichstag. It really hit me -- I am in Berlin
preparing a movie that I wrote and will produce. Holy shit!

Today, I interviewed potential costume designers at one cafe after
another, just to keep things fresh and enjoy a change of scenery. It was
very exciting to see designers' initial ideas for how the characters
will look. Talking about the characters with the designers has also
sharpened my own vision of the show and what I want the look to be, the
sound to be, etc.

I believe every aspect of this show -- the cars, the clothes, the
locations, the music, the background "sound" etc --  has to convey
character and our franchise.  So I have to convey my vision of who these
characters are, and how I'd like to see those characters expressed, to
each of these artists. And, of course, I am very interested in hearing
their vision/interpretation of what I've written and what they see. I
need to know what they are going to bring to the show...I want to hear
their ideas, their interpretation of the characters, their sense of what
the franchise is.

For instance, the central set on our show is a garage.  But  it has to
be so much more than a garage. It's where our characters live, where
they work, and where they make love. It's their home. It's the center of
their universe. And it better be an interesting place to be for the
viewers, too.  It needs to be special.  So, for me, a big test for the
production  designers is what they can tell me about their vision for
this set -- what do they have in mind?

There's a lot of car racing in this show. But the way those cars are
driven must be an extension of character...I want the viewer to be able
to tell, without seeing the driver, which of our characters is driving
the car. The cars themselves -- which models, how they are painted, etc
-- are also a reflection of character. So when I talk to our potential
action directors & stunt coordinators, I want to hear more than cool
moves...I want to know how those moments will reveal character and
further the story.

I don't know shit about fashion. But I do know these characters -- who
they are, what they want, and how they see themselves. The clothes they
wear need to reflect that. So it's fascinating to me to see what the
costume designers have in mind -- and it tells me if they see the
characters the way I do...or see things about them that I missed. And
the best of our candidates have been able to tell me very clearly who
these characters are and why they'd be wearing what they are wearing. It
has been a fascinating give-and-take for me. But the wardrobe doesn't
exist on it's own...it also has to fit with the production design, the
cars, etc. All the department heads have to communicate, work together,
and compromise. So I am also looking for people who enjoy collaboration.

I'm also interested in something else in these meetings with possible
department heads.  I want to get sense of them as people -- can I work
with them? Do I like them? Do we "click?" It's exciting, inspiring, and
exhausting. But I am loving it.

I got back to my hotel with a shoulder bag full of DVDs at 4:30, ready
to collapse...which I did. I set my alarm for a short nap...but slept
through the buzzer.

I woke up a 8 pm, took a walk to a supermarket for bread, meat, wine,
and chocolate, then  settled in to watch DVDs to see the work of  the
people I met and to prepare for my meetings tomorrow with more
production designers and the director.

It's  2:15 am now, and the car is picking me up at 9, so I'll be getting
into bed in a minute...and I hope I can clear my head of everything
that's on my mind and get some sleep. (On top of all this, I still have
a MONK novel to finish writing!).

I'll report back soon...

The Lady with the Great TV Series Idea

Since I'm out-of-town, and you all seemed to enjoy my recent re-post about the San Francisco Writers Conference, here's a rerun of a 2004 post about an experience I had at Sleuthfest in Florida...

I was a guest at Sleuthfest in Florida a few years back and after one of my panels, a woman approached me saying she had a great idea for a television series. Even better, she already had 22 scripts written and a list of actors she felt were perfect for the parts.

All I had to do, she said, was sell it and we’d both be rich.

I get this a lot.

So I asked her, what if I was an engineer from General Motors? Would you approach me with a sketch of a car and expect me to manufacture it?

“No, of course not,” she said. “That would be stupid.”

So was her suggestion that I run out and try to sell her TV series.

And I told her so. Politely, of course.

The thing she didn’t understand is that networks don’t buy ideas. They buy people.

Or, as the old saying goes, ideas are cheap and execution is everything.

Take NYPD Blue, for example. It’s about a bunch of cops in a precinct in New York. Not the greatest, most original idea in the world, is it? But that’s not what ABC bought. They bought Emmy winning writer/producer Steven Bochco doing a series about a bunch of cops in a precinct in New York.

The network was buying Bochco’s track record and experience in television. The idea was a distant second.
When the network buys a series, they are investing $50 million. They aren’t going to hand the kind of cash to somebody who hasn’t proved they can write, produce and deliver 22 episodes a season.

So, that’s what I said to her.

She told me I wasn’t listening. She already had the idea and the scripts. All she wanted me to do was sell the show. And produce it. And send her the big bags of money for her great idea and brilliant scripts.

I could see it from her point of view. She wanted a short-cut into television and finding a producer to hitch herself to seemed like a good one. A lot of other people have had the same idea, which is why I get pitched series all the time. From my mother. My gardener. My pool guy. The rabbi at Bill Rabkin's wedding.

I even got pitched during a proctology exam. In middle of a very delicate procedure, the doctor started telling me his great idea for a TV show: the thrilling story of a proctologist who’s actually a suave, international jewel thief.

Honest.

The truth is, it’s highly unlikely that any TV producer wants to hear your ideas, whether it’s after a panel at mystery convention or while you’re shoving a camera up their rectum.

Why?

Well, for one thing, it’s rude.

For another, television is a writers’ medium. The majority of TV producers are writers first and producers second. Every one of us wants to sell a TV series of our own. It’s the dream. It’s the chance to articulate your own creative vision instead of someone else’s. It’s the chance to not only write scripts and produce episodes, but also have a piece of the syndication, merchandizing, and all the other revenue streams that come from being an owner and not an employee. It’s the chance to become the next David E. Kelly, John Wells, J.J. Abrams, Stephen J. Cannell, Dick Wolf, Aaron Spelling, Donald Belisario, Glen A. Larson, Steven Bochco, or one of the other members of that very small, very elite, very wealthy club of creator/owners.

Getting to the point in your career that networks are interested in being in the series business with you isn’t easy. You have to write hundreds of scripts, work on dozens of series, and build a reputation as an experienced and responsible producer (Or you have to write and produce a huge hit movie, which often leads to an invitation to work your same magic in television). The point is, you don’t work that hard just to share the success with someone else who didn’t have to work for it.

Which brings us back to the basic rule of television: ideas are cheap, execution is everything. We want to sell our own ideas to the networks. Producers like me aren’t interested in your idea unless, of course, you’re asking me to adapt your best-selling novel or hit movie into a TV series. But that’s different, because you’re bringing something valuable to the deal, a pre-sold commidity with commerical and promotional value.

I told her all of that, too.

She just glared at me.

“You just don’t get it,” she said to me. “I’ve got a great idea. I’ve got 22 terrific scripts. You won’t have to do any work.”

No, I said, you’re the one who doesn’t want to do any work. You don’t want to learn the craft of screenwriting. You don’t want to struggle to get that first freelance script assignment. You don’t want to compete to get on a writing staff. You don’t want to work for years on a series, moving up from staff writer to producer, gaining experience and skill and becoming someone the networks want to be in business with. You want to bypass all of that and go straight to having your own series on the air.

“Well,” she said. “Yeah.”

At that point, I gave up. I did what anybody in my position would do. I pointed across the lobby at Jeremiah Healy.

“Go tell him your idea,” I said. “Maybe there’s a book in it.”

And then I ran away.

Forgive me, Jerry!

I was a guest at Sleuthfest in Florida a few years back and after one of my panels, a woman approached me saying she had a great idea for a television series. Even better, she already had 22 scripts written and a list of actors she felt were perfect for the parts.

All I had to do, she said, was sell it and we’d both be rich.

I get this a lot.

So I asked her, what if I was an engineer from General Motors? Would you approach me with a sketch of a car and expect me to manufacture it?

“No, of course not,” she said. “That would be stupid.”

So was her suggestion that I run out and try to sell her TV series.

And I told her so. Politely, of course.

The thing she didn’t understand is that networks don’t buy ideas. They buy people.

Or, as the old saying goes, ideas are cheap and execution is everything.

Take NYPD Blue, for example. It’s about a bunch of cops in a precinct in New York. Not the greatest, most original idea in the world, is it? But that’s not what ABC bought. They bought Emmy winning writer/producer Steven Bochco doing a series about a bunch of cops in a precinct in New York.

The network was buying Bochco’s track record and experience in television. The idea was a distant second.
When the network buys a series, they are investing $50 million. They aren’t going to hand the kind of cash to somebody who hasn’t proved they can write, produce and deliver 22 episodes a season.

So, that’s what I said to her.

She told me I wasn’t listening. She already had the idea and the scripts. All she wanted me to do was sell the show. And produce it. And send her the big bags of money for her great idea and brilliant scripts.

I could see it from her point of view. She wanted a short-cut into television and finding a producer to hitch herself to seemed like a good one. A lot of other people have had the same idea, which is why I get pitched series all the time. From my mother. My gardener. My pool guy. The rabbi at Bill Rabkin's wedding.

I even got pitched during a proctology exam. In middle of a very delicate procedure, the doctor started telling me his great idea for a TV show: the thrilling story of a proctologist who’s actually a suave, international jewel thief.

Honest.

The truth is, it’s highly unlikely that any TV producer wants to hear your ideas, whether it’s after a panel at mystery convention or while you’re shoving a camera up their rectum.

Why?

Well, for one thing, it’s rude.

For another, television is a writers’ medium. The majority of TV producers are writers first and producers second. Every one of us wants to sell a TV series of our own. It’s the dream. It’s the chance to articulate your own creative vision instead of someone else’s. It’s the chance to not only write scripts and produce episodes, but also have a piece of the syndication, merchandizing, and all the other revenue streams that come from being an owner and not an employee. It’s the chance to become the next David E. Kelly, John Wells, J.J. Abrams, Stephen J. Cannell, Dick Wolf, Aaron Spelling, Donald Belisario, Glen A. Larson, Steven Bochco, or one of the other members of that very small, very elite, very wealthy club of creator/owners.

Getting to the point in your career that networks are interested in being in the series business with you isn’t easy. You have to write hundreds of scripts, work on dozens of series, and build a reputation as an experienced and responsible producer (Or you have to write and produce a huge hit movie, which often leads to an invitation to work your same magic in television). The point is, you don’t work that hard just to share the success with someone else who didn’t have to work for it.

Which brings us back to the basic rule of television: ideas are cheap, execution is everything. We want to sell our own ideas to the networks. Producers like me aren’t interested in your idea unless, of course, you’re asking me to adapt your best-selling novel or hit movie into a TV series. But that’s different, because you’re bringing something valuable to the deal, a pre-sold commidity with commerical and promotional value.

I told her all of that, too.

She just glared at me.

“You just don’t get it,” she said to me. “I’ve got a great idea. I’ve got 22 terrific scripts. You won’t have to do any work.”

No, I said, you’re the one who doesn’t want to do any work. You don’t want to learn the craft of screenwriting. You don’t want to struggle to get that first freelance script assignment. You don’t want to compete to get on a writing staff. You don’t want to work for years on a series, moving up from staff writer to producer, gaining experience and skill and becoming someone the networks want to be in business with. You want to bypass all of that and go straight to having your own series on the air.

“Well,” she said. “Yeah.”

At that point, I gave up. I did what anybody in my position would do. I pointed across the lobby at Jeremiah Healy.

“Go tell him your idea,” I said. “Maybe there’s a book in it.”

And then I ran away.

Forgive me, Jerry!

Getting Read

There's a great interview at UKSFBookNews with IAMTW member Steve Saville about his nomination for a Scribe Award. Here's a short excerpt: 

UKSFBN: Do you think these awards are going to help raise the profile and respectability of tie-in novels and boost sales, or is it more of an intra-industry back-slapping exercise?

SAVILLE: Sorry, I can't help but chuckle at the idea of the awards existing to boost sales when as a general rule of thumb most media tie-ins outsell traditional SF and Fantasy novels quite considerably - and I don't mean one or two thousand more copies, I mean twenty or thirty or fifty thousand copies and often more.  

I find it quite interesting, but tie-in writing is often seen as the 'ghetto within the ghetto', which is just absurd when you consider %

Lori Prokop to the Rescue

It's been eight months since I last wrote about Lori Prokop  (best known for her Book Millionaire debacle) and I often wonder what she's up to these days (surprisingly, she's finally gotten around to excising me from her spam mailing list). Maybe while I am away, this post from March 2006 will inspire someone to check up on Lori Prokop for me.

Lori Prokop, the self-described "selfless supporter of families, children and animals," is apparently tired of blogs like this one mischaracterizing her as a get-rich-quick huckster. In fact, "her life goal is to advance the well-being and enlightenment of humanity" when she isn't selflessly striving to help the downtrodden "achieve the goal of Best Selling and Celebrity Status"  and showing "people how to choose most any car off the showroom floor and drive it free while our company makes your payments."

So Lori Prokop, who "lives in and creates from the upper energy levels of life  (Anyone can choose to live and create in these powerful upper levels as detailed in Lori Prokop’s Life Guidance System)," is tackling the problem as only she, Lori Prokop, can:

Blogs are a powerful force for good in the hands of those people living in their upper level energies/emotions and less-than-good in the hands of those living in their lower level energies/emotions. (Continue reading to learn about the Energy Mastery System.)

Lori Prokop has an upcoming work being release called, “Launching from Good to Great Online,” which is a definitive work on blogs where she interviews leaders and experts in blogs and human psychology.

I, for one, am looking forward to this definitive work which, no doubt, will be published by Bestseller Publishing, the vanity press run by future Nobel Prize winner Lori Prokop, who describes herself in her fascinating and definitive mass mailings as "Leading Expert, Author and Creator of books, CDs,DVDs, Online Videos, workshops, television shows, speaking and more!"

To learn more about this selfless individual, who has  profound "respect and humanistic regard for all species," (She is, afterall, the visionary who asked the burning question: "Where are the best sellers by Doctors of  Chiropractic?”) just read her previous definitive books, like "Awaken Your Million-Dollar Intuition," "77 Streams of Super Lucrative Income for Authors, Experts and Speakers," and Employee No More: How to Stay Home and Still Make Money."

You, too, can feel her humanistic regard, especially for those species who possess a Visa or Mastercard.

How To Write a Treatment

This was originally posted back in June 2005...but since I get asked this question a lot, and I am on a plane to Germany right now, I thought I'd share it with you again.

Bryon Stedman  asked me this question in a comment to another post:

I have a situation where a broadcast entity claims they want to hear my idea for a boxing series or made for TV movie. The characters belong to my family from a comic drawn by my father.

If a narrative is they way to go, what are the key points to include? Do I go as far as dialog and cameas shots and locations or simply text with main characters CAPITALIZED? Advice requested and appreciated.

A series treatment and a TV movie treatment are very different. A series treatment sells the characters and the franchise of the show...the relationships and format that will generate stories week after week. A TV movie treatment sells a story.

If the studio is already familiar with your Dad's comic, I don't know why they need you to come up with a series treatment...the strip itself sells that or they wouldn't be interested in the first place.

A series treatment isn't about telling a story...it's about describing the characters, how they interact within the unique format of your show. Who are they? What do they do? And how will who they are and what they do generate 100 interesting stories?

For a TV movie treatment, you're selling the characters and their story.  At this point, you're trying to sell the broadstrokes...they can pay you to work out the rest. Write up a punchy over-view of what happens in the story, as if you were writing a review of a great movie (only minus the praise). You want to convey the style and tone of the movie. But don't go into great detail. Keep it short, tight and punchy.And whatever you do, DON'T include camera shots or dialogue.

Don't fixate on treatment format, because there isn't one. Tell your story in the style that works best for you. Don't worry about whether the character names are in capitals or not (it doesn't matter). Concentrate on telling a strong story.

Bryon Stedman  asked me this question in a comment to another post:

I have a situation where a broadcast entity claims they want to hear my idea for a boxing series or made for TV movie. The characters belong to my family from a comic drawn by my father.

If a narrative is they way to go, what are the key points to include? Do I go as far as dialog and cameas shots and locations or simply text with main characters CAPITALIZED? Advice requested and appreciated.

A series treatment and a TV movie treatment are very different. A series treatment sells the characters and the franchise of the show...the relationships and format that will generate stories week after week. A TV movie treatment sells a story.

If the studio is already familiar with your Dad's comic, I don't know why they need you to come up with a series treatment...the strip itself sells that or they wouldn't be interested in the first place.

A series treatment isn't about telling a story...it's about describing the characters, how they interact within the unique format of your show. Who are they? What do they do? And how will who they are and what they do generate 100 interesting stories?

For a TV movie treatment, you're selling the characters and their story.  At this point, you're trying to sell the broadstrokes...they can pay you to work out the rest. Write up a punchy over-view of what happens in the story, as if you were writing a review of a great movie (only minus the praise). You want to convey the style and tone of the movie. But don't go into great detail. Keep it short, tight and punchy.And whatever you do, DON'T include camera shots or dialogue.

Don't fixate on treatment format, because there isn't one. Tell your story in the style that works best for you. Don't worry about whether the character names are in capitals or not (it doesn't matter). Concentrate on telling a strong story.

On the Fast Track

I am taking a quick trip to Germany today to meet our leading candidate to direct FAST TRACK, the movie/pilot that I'm writing and producing...and that goes into production in Berlin on May 20th. I will also be meeting with the studio, the network, our German casting director, and a number of other folks. Then I return to L.A. on the 22nd to celebrate my wedding anniversary...and attend the U.S. casting sessions. Then it's back to Germany on March 29 for three weeks of pre-production on the pilot and the development of the stories for the first eight episodes.

FYI - I have been hit with a lot of comment spam lately, so while I am away, I will be holding comments for review before posting them.

The Saint

Variety reports today a bit of news that I've known for months:  TNT is developing a new, TV series version of THE SAINT. The producer is William J. McDonald and even though he was involved in the horrendous movie version with Val Kilmer a few years ago, I'm told by sources in-the-know that this project will be more loyal to the character immortalized in the novels by Leslie Charteris.   Jorge Zamacona (HOMICIDE, WANTED) is writing the script.

Call'em as you See'em

Karen Scott talks on her blog about how much she likes sex scenes that tell it like it is:

I love good sex scenes in my books. I love books that call a cock, a cock, and a pussy, a pussy...

That's certainly what I try to do in all my DIAGNOSIS MURDER books. Karen believes that sex scenes are required in a good romance novel. 

If the love scenes are well written, then I’m likely to buy, if not, I’ll probably leave it on the shelf. Does that confirm every stereo-type out there about romance readers? Probably, but I’m not here to promote respect for the genre, so I couldn’t really care less.

[...]It bemuses me to think that there are hundreds of thousands of romance readers out there who pretend that sex in books don’t matter to them, when in reality, it’s probably what they’re secretly looking for.

Secretly? All you have to do is look at the covers to know what the books are selling and what the readers are buying.

Ghost Riding

The friendly folks over at Bookgasm conducted a terrific interview with IAMTW member Greg Cox about writing comic book tie-ins and movie novelizations (most recently, the tie-in for the comic-turned-movie GHOST RIDER). It's a revealing peek into the creative obstacles a tie-in writer often faces:

BOOKGASM: What do you find attractive about writing novelizations? And what’s not-so-attractive?

COX: On the positive side, you get to let someone else worry about the plotting and dialogue for once. It’s also just neat, on a fannish level, to be privy to the inside scoop on some upcoming new movie. The challenge is trying to describe a movie you haven’t actually seen; I’m always desperate for any sort of visual reference material I can get from the studio. Getting photos of the supporting characters tends to be difficult sometimes. The deadlines can be pretty tight, too.

BOOKGASM: When you finally see a film you earlier wrote a novelization for, what’s that experience like?

COX: Usually, it takes a couple of viewings before I can appreciate the movie on its own terms. The first time through, I’m too busy wincing at all the differences between the book and the movie. “Hey, what happened to the barn scene? That chase doesn’t go there. Ohmigod, they changed the dialogue. Wait a second, nobody told me that character was a woman!”

 

LAW AND ORDER is everywhere

We live in a LAW AND ORDER world. First comes news this morning that real-life politician Fred Dalton Thomspson, who plays a D.A. on LAW & ORDER , is considering a run for the White House (following in the footsteps of former L&O star Michael Moriarty, who also considered it). Then I stumbled on an article about the trial of media tycoon Conrad Black, which included a picture of the prosecutors, who posed as if they were auditioning for another LAW AND ORDER series. Pretty soon, all family photos will look this way.

TV Main Title of the Week

A Sweet Guy

I got this email a couple of weeks ago and My brother Tod got one very much like it from the same guy:

Take your slanders about me off your blog now, Goldberg.  You thought it was cool and you could destroy someone with your filth.  Take it off, I beg you.  I don’t really know what I’m capable of, but this force is getting beyond the inertia phase, and if you don’t silently retract this shit against me, I might have to spend a lot of time and money convincing you that this was not a right transaction.  I don’t know you and don’t want to.  Just take all reference to me off your blog or I might get the idea to buy some people to make your life difficult.  You had a good laugh at my expense in cyberspace and you think you can just get away with it without any consequences but that’s not how it works.  If I have to come to where you live and beat the shit out of you or hire others to do so, well, then, what did you expect?  Get this stuff about me off your internet sites or pay the price.  I’m really fed up with your idiocy and am convinced that you need to be taught a lesson, asshole.

I didn't respond to this one. Instead, I called a friend at the LAPD, we filed a police report, and got a restraining order against the guy who, as it turns out, still lives at home with his mother.

As The Crow Flies

My friend Bryce Zabel talks about the development of his TV series version of THE CROW, which is about to be released on DVD. It's fascinating stuff (what's even more fascinating is that he saved his business card):

What do you do when the incredibly violent film you are asked to adapt to a TV audience is based on cruelty, and the main character is driven by a thirst for revenge?

My answer? You expand the premise to fully explore the nature of life after death, and you change the character quest from revenge to redemption.

And how do you handle the fact that the cult film was made infamous by the horrible on-set death of its star, Brandon Lee?

That was a tougher question because the idea behind the TV series was to use the Eric Draven character, the one who'd been in the comics and that Brandon Lee had played. My take was that, tragic as Lee's death was, George Reeves' tragic death did not prevent Christopher Reeve or Dean Cain from playing Superman, and that we would just have to proceed and hope that our own version stood intact on its own.

More of Me

There's a Q&A interview with me up at Poes Deadly Daughters.

Writing for The Snake Guy

From my mailbox this week:

Dear Mr. Goldberg,

I have written a story that would make a great movie. The actor XYZ has read it and he thinks it's really good. He would love to see it as a screenplay, but here is the problem: I have never done that before and have no experiences in turning a script into a screenplay. Can you please help me with this? You can take the credits for the screenplay, if it is made into a movie. It would mean so much to me. I hope to hear from you soon.

I declined her kind offer and suggested that it probably isn't a good idea to be pitching movies when you admittedly have no skill as a screenwriter and no experience in movie making.  The actor she mentioned, by the way, is nobody I've ever heard of. So I looked him up. His major roles recently include "Short Order Cook," "Instructor," "Snake Guy," and "Trucker #1" in several movies that I also have never heard of. I can see why she'd be excited by his interest in her movie idea.

Scribe Nominees and Grandmaster Announced

The International Association of Media Tie-In Writers is pleased to announce the nominees for the first annual Scribe Awards, honoring excellence in licensed tie-in writing for books published in 2006.

Our first annual GRANDMASTER AWARD, honoring career achievement in the field, will go to DONALD BAIN, author of the MURDER SHE WROTE novels and the ghostwriter behind COFFEE, TEA OR ME and other bestsellers.

The 2007 Scribe awards will be given out at a ceremony in late July at Comic-Con in San Diego. The details on the event, and how to attend, will be announced in the near future. Congratulations to all our nominees!

SPECULATIVE FICTION

BEST NOVEL – ADAPTED

SLAINE: THE EXILE by Steven Savile

SUPERMAN RETURNS by Marv Wolfman

TOXIC AVENGER: THE NOVEL by Lloyd Kaufman & Adam Jahnke

ULTRAVIOLET by Yvonne Navarro

UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION by Greg Cox

BEST NOVEL – ORIGINAL

STAR TREK CRUCIBLE: McCOY – PROVENANCE OF SHADOWS by David R. George III

STARGATE ATLANTIS: EXOGENESIS by Elizabeth Christensen & Sonny Whitelaw

THIRTY DAYS OF NIGHT: RUMORS OF THE UNDEAD by Jeff Mariotte & Steve Niles

WARHAMMER: FAITH AND FIRE by James Swallow

WARHAMMER: ORC SLAYER by Nathan Long

GENERAL FICTION

BEST NOVEL  - ADAPTED

SNAKES ON A PLANE by Christa Faust

THE PINK PANTHER by Max Allan Collins

BEST NOVEL – ORIGINAL

CSI NEW YORK: BLOOD ON THE SUN by Stuart Kaminsky

LAS VEGAS: HIGH STAKES by Jeff Mariotte

MR. MONK GOES TO HAWAII by Lee Goldberg

OAKDALE CONFIDENTIAL: SECRETS REVEALED by Alina Adams

YOUNG ADULT – ALL GENRES

BEST NOVEL

ALIAS APO: STRATEGIC RESERVE by Christina York

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: PORTAL THROUGH TIME by Alice Henderson

DRAGONLANCE: WARRIOR’S HEART by Stephen Sullivan

KNIGHTS OF THE SILVER DRAGON: PROPHECY OF THE DRAGONS by Matt Forbeck

Me on TV

You can catch me and criminal defense attorney Thomas Mesereau together on the latest episode of  INSIDER EXCLUSIVE with Steve Murphy on the web and on a cable station near you. Steve is a congenial interviewer and, although he makes a couple errors (he calls me the "creator and host" of MONK on the "USA Today" network), it was a lot of fun to be a guest and I think you'll enjoy watching. I taped as second episode that day, with another criminal defense attorney, and will share that link with you as soon as I get it.

Courageous Documentary

There's a great documentary on TV composer Alexander Courage, hosted by John Williams, available in several parts on YouTube. Here's the segment on the STAR TREK theme...

Go After The Scammers

I received this email from Phillip R. Dolan, who got the rights to his manuscript and his money back from PublishAmerica. Rather than paraphrase his email, I am reposting it in its entirety:

Some scam publishers can be stopped. Publish America's contract has an arbitration clause to prevent authors from suing them. To me, it seems to be a mistake because lawsuits are expensive and time consuming. Arbitration under their contract requires that the American Arbitration Association rules be followed. Those rules are user friendly and inexpensive, especially when the prevailing party is reimbursed for all fees and expenses. Even attorney fees if one uses an attorney. Anyone with a high school education can handle an arbitration if they are so inclined.

Anyway, I filed for arbitration against PA and won. It took eight months and I did it without an attorney. My contract was rescinded (not just terminated) to the date it was signed and I received damages and expenses. I thought this would be but the first of many arbitrations and that PA might be driven out of business. It cost them quite a bit.

To help other authors complete arbitrations I posted how I had done it, including my mistakes, at Arbitration And How To Do It (PublishAmerica, Publish America)

http://p208.ezboard.com/bedandsootswritersguild

I had a forensic accountant examine PA’s sales records and posted that info. I had an intellectual property attorney analyze the whole thing and I posted excerpts of that. Together it is a blueprint of how to know when PA breaches the contract and how to make them pay for it and get author’s rights returned.

In about six months there have been 4,691 views just of the accountant’s report so I know a lot of people have looked at the arbitration material. But not one author, other than me, has filed for arbitration. Two other anti-scam sites even offered to pay all the costs attendant to arbitration. Not one PA author took them up on it.

I think that any author who feels they were scammed by PublishAmerica and refuses to take any action other than complaining is right where they should be.

Phillip R. Dolan

Good Advice, Faulty Logic

Lynne W. Scanlon, the self-proclaimed Publishing Contrarian, urges aspiring authors to get someone to read their manuscripts and offer an honest opinion. That's very good advice and I'm all for that. I'd even urge authors to join a local writer's group or take some classes through their university extension program.

But then Scanlon suggests that it's okay to pay a literary agent or editor to read your book. She uses some awfully faulty logic to back-up her argument.

Everywhere you turn on the Internet publishing pundits scream: NEVER pay a literary agent at a literary agency or an editor at a publishing house to read your manuscript. If they ask for money upfront, they are thieves! You do realize that it is routine for in-house editors to farm out manuscripts to freelance editors to evaluate or edit. You do know that Publishers Weekly pays a stable of reviewers to cough up 250-word reviews routinely, and, in fact, has commissioned reviews for over 100,000 books since 1987. (The Wicked Witch does her homework…sometimes.)

It's one thing for a publisher or a magazine to hire freelancers to read manuscripts...it's an entirely different thing to ask an aspiring author to pay to have their work submitted and considered. Legitimate agents make their money from commissions...that's their incentive for selling your book...NOT from reading fees. Legitimate publishers make their money by publishing, distributing and selling your book....NOT by charging authors for editorial services. And legitimate publishing industry magazines make their money off subscriptions, newsstand sales and advertising...NOT by charging authors to review their books.

So let me underscore the very good advice that she mocks:

NEVER pay a literary agent at a literary agency or an editor at a publishing house to read your manuscript. If they ask for money upfront, they are thieves!

Do I think it's wrong to ever pay someone to read your manuscript? No, of course not. It's only wrong if it's a literary agent or publisher asking you for it.

There are lots of freelance editors, some with very impressive credentials, offering to criticize manuscripts. Whether or not you should hire one depends on lots of things. Are you having difficulty getting the manuscript the way you want it? Is it consistently getting rejections from publishers? etc.

If you decide to pay someone to read your book, do your homework first. Does the editor have real experience? Is he any more knowledgeable than your gardener or your Aunt Betty? Is the fee they are asking reasonable? What specific services will you be getting for the money? Be sure to ask for a list of their previous clients and give them a call. Were they happy with the advice they got? Did their books get published?

Some of those freelance editors have been very helpful to authors. But I know an author who spent thousands of dollars to have a very well-known, former editor read his book...and all he got for his money was his typos & miss-spellings corrected. Buyer beware.

In my opinion, you are much, much better off spending the money on a creative writing course, where you will benefit from the teacher, the students, and the experience of reading and critiquing the other students' work. You will also have a real motivation to churn out pages every week. Not only will you be getting honest feedback...you will also be learning new skills. It's money well spent (assuming the teacher is good, of course).

You can even go the "free" route and join a writers group. There's bound to be one at your local Barnes & Noble. I know several authors and screenwriters who have been part of groups like this and have gone on to great success (Edgar winner Theresa Schwegel comes to mind).

Scanlon goes on to suggest that you could offer a professional book critic a couple of hundred dollars to give your manuscript a thorough read and write an honest, unflinching 500-700 word review for you. This wouldn't be a review for publication...it would be a reality check. Is your book any good? If not, why? She writes:

I made a few phone calls and fired off a few emails to very qualified publishing and writing professionals, including Frank Wilson, blogger and book critic for the Philadelphia Inquirer, who described book reviewers as a “dying breed” because of disappearing outlets in which to ply their trade. He and other reviewers confirmed that if you offer a reviewer $300, in all likelihood that reviewer will jump through a hoop of fire to get the job.

I asked a few critics I know how they'd feel about an offer like that and the response was mixed. A few would consider it, others were offended by the suggestion. No one that I contacted was willing to "jump through a hoop of fire" to do it. And it could pose ethical problems for the critic with some publications and, perhaps, later if the manuscript is published and the book assigned to them for review.

Even so, it's a very interesting idea and is an option worth considering for aspiring authors. But, again, do you homework. Read the critic's work AND the books he's reviewed. Do you agree with his opinions? Is the critic knowledgeable and respected? Does he have a thorough understanding of structure, character and dialogue as well as the requirements of your particular genre?

TV Main Title of the Week

The Only Crime is the Cover Price

I stayed up almost all night reading Douglas Snauffer's CRIME TELEVISION. This is the latest in Praeger's excellent line of television books (which includes SPY TELEVISION and CHRISTMAS ON TELEVISION, two other books I loved). Snauffer's fascinating overview of television crime shows is much, much more than a look at the histories of particular shows over the decades. He offers a unique and revealing perspective on the history of television as a medium, a story-telling form, and as a reflection of our society and culture. It's also a step-by-step examination of the evolution (and, you might say, the maturing) of the crime show genre. It's packed with interesting facts, behind-the-scenes anecdotes, and interviews with some the top writer/producers of our time. There are some errors, and you could quibble with the shows he choses to focus on, but those are minor drawbacks. It's a valuable book for cop show fans, tv scholars, film students, and even writer/producers working in "crime television" today. The only problem is that the book costs $50, which is way, way, WAY over-priced for what it is and that's going to limit its potential audience.