Diagnosis Murder Song

Look what I stumbled on...some band in England has recorded a spoofy song about DIAGNOSIS MURDER and posted a video on You Tube. I have no idea what the lyrics are, which makes it hard for me to sing-along. Can you make them out?

Comments

[Jan Burke]

Married to a musician who regularly asks me to decipher lyrics, I'm usually pretty good at this, but I'll admit that once the blonde starts... singing...I lost most of this.

What I think they're singing at the beginning:

Dr. Dick diagnosed me dead
"I think you've made a mistake," I said.
"How many medical books have you read?
Dead people don't get out of bed."

"I know I'm right!" the doctor cried.
"I see right there the blood is spilled."
I said, "I think you need your eyesight checked.
It's your audience you've killed."

All I can make out of the rest of it is that the singer isn't sure why he's addicted to the show, but it cheers him up when he's "in a bitter mood."

[hi heres the lyrics to dr dick!]

Doctor Dick

INTRO and other bits

VERSE

Doctor Dick diagnosed me dead
I think you’ve made a mistake” I said,
How many medical books have you read?
Dead people don’t get out of bed!”

I know Im right” the doctor cried
I can see right where the blood has spilled”
I said, “I think you need your eyesight checked
Cause that’s your audience you’ve killed”

BRIDGE
It was Jesse in the kitchen with the knife,
I know this cause I am dick van dyke
And there’s one thought that crosses all our minds, Thank god this aint real life!

CHORUS
Diagnosis murder, Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder, Diagnosis murder
I know I laugh at you but I don’t know what I would do
If you were gone it would be wrong and daytime tele would be through.

You’re soon to hit the big Nine –O
And your hairs starting to go
You ran out of plots long ago
Don’t you think its time to leave the show?

All my friends are out at work all day,
They don’t get the hang of rest and play
But all in all id rather wait,
To hear that cheesy music once again

Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder
I know I laugh at you but I don’t know what I would do
If you were gone it would be wrong
And daytime tele would be through but I know you’ll still live on,
On the strength of your song.

~INTERLUDE~

When I’m in a bitter mood
Quincy don’t got what it takes
But everyday at five past two
Its is my day that is Made

There’s something special about being dick van dyke,
You don’t know how to act but it’s all right
Cause when you’ve forgotten all your lines
Just do your cockney accent one more time

Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder
I know I laugh at you but I don’t know what I would do
If you were gone it would be wrong
And daytime tele would be through but I know you’ll still live on,
On the strength of your song.
But more than that it is a fact that you will never ever be sacked
Cause its you who writes the show can you guess how I know?
Its just that other people would see point in plausibility
But you entertain us all with your witty repartee
and every case there is a race to be the first one to give chase to the bad guy who did the dirty deed
Diagnosis murder, Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder, Diagnosis murder
Diagnosis murder, Diagnosis murder Diagnosis murder,

END