A Writer's Life

Batman Flies Again

Variety reports that Christian Bale is returning to play Batman in THE DARK KNIGHT, which will feature Heath Ledger as The Joker (quite a turn from Jack Nicholson).  Christopher Nolan will direct the movie, which will be written by his brother Jonah (from a story by David Goyer and Christopher Nolan). The movie is already set for release in May 2008, up against the so-far-untitled 22nd Bond movie and IRON MAN.

Back from Germany

I returned from Cologne late last night. It was a great experience working with the German writer/producers and it looks like I may be going back soon to continue what I started.

On the 7 1/2 hour flight from Dusseldorf to LA, I worked for a bit on DM #8, which is due this week, and watched BASIC INSTINCT 2, which was a horrendeous piece of shit (except for the production design, which was great. You know an erotic movie is bad when you're appreciating the locations and sets and not the people who are fucking).

On my flight from NY to LA, I sat across from a gregarious and very friendly rap star named Flavor Flave or Flave Flavor or Flaky Flavor. I don't know, I'm all jet-lagged and out-of-it today. He wore a wall clock around his neck, which I thought was odd and rather uncomfortable (and he had spares in his carry-on bag). But he was a nice guy and seemed to have boundless energy.

Next to me was a Hassidic Jew who wore the big, heavy black overcoat, the hat, the whole thing...he smelled like ten men's locker rooms. He was pleasant, but isn't there such a thing as Kosher deodorant?

Behind me, was this young girl, in her late teens or early 20s. At one point in the flight, she took out a fancy camera from her bag and began scrolling through some pictures. The man next to her, who was perhaps in his late 40s or early 50s, asked if she was a photographer. She said she was an aspiring one, and that she'd just spent a few weeks in Paris taking pictures, and that she'd interned at some newspaper or magazine, the name of which I didn't catch. He then introduced himself -- I didn't get his name, but apparently he's some famous photographer for magazines like Esquire, Vanity Fair, etc.  She knew who he was, of course, and nearly wet herself in surprise.  So for the next six hours, this kind man gave her a tutorial in photography, answering her questions, showing her examples, reviewing her photos, and giving her advice in a very professorial sort of way (he  mentioned at one point that he's taught before).

I didn't understand all the stuff they were talking about, but I certainly picked up on her excitement at this opportunity and her respect for the man she was seated with. I tried to imagine what it must have been like for that girl.  It would be as if I was 18 or 19, got on a plane and happened to be seated next to Larry McMurtry or Stephen J. Cannell. Of course, this sort of thing is far more likely to happen in First Class than coach.

At the end of the flight, she thanked him, saying that never in her wildest dreams did she think she'd ever meet him. He said it must have been meant to happen, gave her his card and wished her luck in her career.  I thought it was great. I only eavesdropped on the whole thing, but I felt her excitement and I was struck by how attentive and nice the man was (there was no hint of hitting on her or anything like that, by the way. He was very fatherly and polite).

Tonight, I have my class at UCLA and a mountain of mail to catch up on... not to mention a book to finish writing!

Our Worst Script

Ken Levine writes today about the worst script he and his partner ever wrote.

In 1993 my writing partner, David Isaacs and I did a short run series for CBS called BIG WAVE DAVE’S starring Adam Arkin and David Morse. It ran that summer, got 19 shares, kept 100% of MURPHY BROWN’S audience and was cancelled. At the time CBS had starring vehicles in the wings for Peter Scolari, Bronson Pinchot, and the always hilarious Faye Dunaway so they didn’t need us.

We were given a production order of six with three back-up scripts. We assigned the first two back-ups to our staff and planned on writing the third ourselves. When the show was cancelled we put in to CBS to get paid for the additional scripts. They said fine, but we had to turn in the completed scripts. Gulp!

Bill Rabkin and I had almost the exact same experience on SEAQUEST. We'd already turned in the outline for for episode 14 when we got cancelled. But in order to get paid for the teleplay, we had to write it. We did it in one day, while we were packing up our office. I still live in fear that some sf fan will stumble on a bootleg draft at a scifi convention, post it on the net, and people will think we actually write that bad. I'm in Germany now, or I'd post an excerpt. I'll try to remember to do it when I return.

 

Greetings from Germany

Whenever I go into those airport bookstores, I always wonder who buys those Penthouse and Playboy magazines. Now I know. On the flight from JFK to Dusseldorf, there was an elegantly dressed  German business man in the first classs row beside me casually browsing the Penthouse pictures and Playboy centerfold during the flight, leaving the magazines open in front of him as the stewardesses served him his drinks and snacks. The stewardesses seemed unfazed by it but I found it pretty bizarre.

It's my third day here in Germany teaching the American approach to TV writing and "showrunning" to a dozen local writer/producers. They are eager, open-minded and enthusiastic to learn how we do things. For them, the four-act structure and the notion of a series "franchise" is a revelation. We've been screening episodes of American TV programs and analyzing the structure together of the stories and the overall series concepts. Today, we're going to look at some of their programs and explore how the four-act structure, and a clearly articulated franchise built on character-based conflict could improve the shows they are already working on. I've been having a great time and eating like a moose. At night, I've been hammering away at my eighth DM novel, trying to get it done to make my deadline. The temperatures here are in the high 90s and the Germans are really suffering -- they aren't used to this kind of heat.  It was 118 at home when I left, so for me this is almost winter.

Mr. Monk Can't See a Thing

This coming Friday, July 28th, the USA Network is airing a very special episode of "Monk" entitled "Mr. Monk Can't See a Thing," which was written by yours truly and Bill Rabkin.

Bill and I have written a few episodes of "Monk" before and, to be honest, the show has spoiled us. They fly us out to Summit NJ for a week, all expenses paid (which is, by itself, a dream come true. Who wouldn't want to spend a week in Summit?) to sit around laughing with the "Monk" writing staff. I've never had so much fun plotting and, best of all, it's hundreds of miles from the nearest studio or network executive.

So when "Monk" creator/showrunner Andy Breckman asked me a year or so ago if I would like to write some original "Monk" novels, I jumped at the opportunity. Sadly, the deal didn't include any free trips to Summit NJ and I had only eight weeks to write the novel. But "Mr. Monk Goes to the Firehouse" ended up being a lot of fun to write and, much to my delight and relief, Andy really liked the book, too. He liked it so much, that he thought it would make a dandy episode of the show.

"It almost writes itself," he said, mainly because it was, well, already written.

I immediately called Bill, my screenwriting partner, and told him the good news. He was thrilled. We both were. And why shouldn't we be? We'd be getting another trip to Summit, NJ, we'd have another chance to hang out with the fiendishly clever "Monk" staff, and it would be the easist script to write ever -- mainly because it was, well, already written. This trip would almost be a paid vacation. In Summit, NJ! Does life get any better than that? I think not.

But there was an especially geeky reason for me to be thrilled. There have been plenty of novelizations of TV episodes, but as far as I know, there has never been a TV adaptation of a TV tie-in novel. "Mr. Monk Goes to the Firehouse" would make TV tie-in history (If there is such a thing as TV tie-in history. If there isn't then there should be. Maybe even a TV tie-in museum. If it can't be at the Smithsonian, I say let's put it in Summit, NJ).

A week or so before the trip, Andy called up, very excited. He'd been noodling with some ideas for the "Mr. Monk Goes to the Firehouse" episode. He wanted to make one tiny change in the story.

"What if Monk is blind?" he said.

It was a very funny idea which, of course, meant throwing out just about everything in book. But I honestly didn't mind and neither did Bill (even though it meant that writing the script would actually mean doing some work). Every time we write for "Monk," our goal is to tell a great mystery that's funny, touching, entertaining and uniquely, undeniably, unmistakeably Monk. And this certainly would be.

So the first thing we did was set aside the sacred text and start from scratch. All we kept from the book were the basic bones of the mystery plot and a couple of clues. Everything else had to arise from the predicament of Monk being blind. We even changed the title to "Mr. Monk Can't See a Thing" to reflect the new central conflict of the story.

As usual, we had way, way, too much fun plotting the story and were impressed, once again, by Andy's unerring ability to find the emotional center at the heart of even the broadest comic moments.

When we turned in our script two weeks later, I couldn't help thinking that it would have made a hell of a good book.

Greetings from the Swiss Air Lounge

I am sitting in the Swiss Air business class lounge at JFK, awaiting my flight to Germany. On the LA to NY flight, I sat across from Norman Lear. I managed not to stare or chat him up. What could I have said that he hasn't heard a thousand times before? Still, it was cool to see that he picks his nose just like the rest of us.

More later...

Nightlife Afterlife

Variety reports that DreamWorks Pictures is developing a feature film version of my friend Thomas Perry's novel NIGHT LIFE, which will be written by Ehren Kruger (THE RING) and produced by Alex Kurtzman & Roberto Orci (ALIAS, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3).  The book is about a female serial killer who changes her identity after every murder and is pursued by a female detective.

In other book-to-film news, Ed Conlon's book BLUE BLOOD is the basis for a new Fox TV pilot, to be written by Neil Tolkin and directed by Brett Ratner. The proposed series will be about a Harvard grad who becomes a rookie NYPD police officer.

New Hope for the Dead

TV Critic Chuck Barney reports that the flop WB sitcom pilot NOBODY'S WATCHING, which got a lot of hype and thousand of hits when it was "mysteriously" posted on YouTube, has received an order for six scripts from NBC. The network will produce some original "webisodes" while they ponder whether or not to order the series.   You can expect to see a lot more busted pilots "mysteriously" showing up on YouTube now...

Mr. Monk and the Cement Ship

My latest Natalie Blog is up at the USA Network site. She talks about The Cement Ship in Aptos, California. The painting she refers to in the blog hangs in my Mom's living room. (I also talked about The Cement Ship in DIAGNOSIS MURDER: THE DEAD LETTER).

Mr. Monk and the Bestseller List

I'm pleased to announce that my novel MR. MONK GOES TO HAWAII was the #8 bestselling mass market paperback at Barnes & Noble stores nationwide for the week of July 9-July 15.

1. Devil Wears Prada  by Lauren Weisberger
2. The Lincoln Lawyer by Michael Connelly
3. Angels & Demons by Dan Brown
4. DaVinci Code by Dan Brown
5. Eleven on Top by Janet Evanovich
6. A Fistful of Charms by Kim Harrison
7. Pirate by Ted Bell
8. Mr Monk Goes to Hawaii by Lee Goldberg
9. 4th of July by James Patterson
10. The Bormann Testament by Jack Higgins

WHAT THE NUMBERS MEAN
The Barnes & Noble Store Bestsllers are based on nationwide sales at Barnes & Noble stores. They are updated weekly, based on the previous week's sales.

License Renewed

Daniel Craig's debut as James Bond in CASINO ROYALE is still several months away, but Nikki Finke reports that Sony has already announced that his license to kill has been renewed. He'll be back as Bond in an untitled movie to be released in May 2008.

Where Am I?

Sorry I've been scarce around here lately... and it's only going to get worse.

I've been busy rushing to finish my 8th (and probably last) DIAGNOSIS MURDER novel which is entitled THE LAST WORD and is due August 1. I've also been teaching a TV writing class two nights a week at UCLA (and having a blast doing it) and an on-line class at Writers University (with Bill Rabkin). 

And on Monday, I'm heading off to Germany, where I will be teaming up for a week with Bill Finkelstein (LAW & ORDER, L.A. LAW) to teach established TV writer/producers how to develop and run "American style" episodic dramas. I don't know how much Internet access I will have... or time to post... while I am in Germany, but I will try to check in here.

I've also been writing my Natalie Blogs, giving some thought to my fourth MONK novel and working on a bunch of TV series ideas that Bill Rabkin and I are going to be pitching around town when I get back.

But at least I update my blog more often than my friend Gregg Hurwitz does.

Superman Unborn

Writer/Director Kevin Smith talks in this YouTube clip from a speech at Clark University about his experience writing the aborted SUPERMAN REBORN. It's very funny...and scary, too.

Mr. Monk and the Paperback Critic

Chicago Tribune critic Dick Adler has started a blog to cover all the paperback mysteries that he isn't able to squeeze into his regular column. Here's his review of MR. MONK GOES TO HAWAII...

A surprising number of my friends and relatives love the Monk TV series so much that they ask me to get them signed copies of Lee Goldberg’s books based on it. Judging by this latest outing, where the weird cop follows his assistant, Natalie, on holiday, they’re on to a good thing. Goldberg makes Adrian Monk much more interesting than the TV version: the twitches are less obvious, the outcomes much less predictable. Even (or especially) the secondary characters are more interesting and have sharper dialogue.

Thanks, Dick!

Celebrity Blogs

Today the always hilarious Ken Levine takes a look at Celebrity websites and blogs. Among his observations:

Melanie Griffiths’s website is just plain creepy. It chronicles her romance and rehab, accompanied by music that Norma Desmond would find too over-the-top. She also writes letters to her inner self. Many not delivered because no one’s home.

Latest entry in Gwen Stefani’s journal: “We're back. Sorry it has been so long. We'll start updating the site more often.” It’s dated May 2.

Bittersweet Sacrifice

You can always count on the Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels for a good laugh, especially when they are skewering bad romance novel covers. This is my favorite from today's collection:

Sarah: Yeah, you know what that bittersweet sacrifice is? Marrying him knowing that he’s GAY.

Or, now that I take a closer look, it could be that the one on the left has to sacrifice her schmeckie because she’s a MAN, baby, YEAH.

Candy: Once again: Willem Dafoe in drag is NOT an acceptable substitute for a female model.

Mr. Monk Goes to Dunnyman's Castle

Greg Hopper at the Dunnyman's Castle Blog gives MR.  MONK GOES TO HAWAII a great review. He says, in part:

OK, I thought the first book in the series was just a great ride through the world of Adrian Monk, and it was. The second one, wow, it's even better.
It seems Natalie Teeger is on her way to Hawaii, for a friend's wedding. She's not sure how to tell Monk she'll be gone for a week and leaves it up until the last minute, only telling Monk the day before she leaves.
BAD IDEA.
Needless to say, Monk tags along (the how of him getting to Hawaii is hilarious), and leaves a trail of mayhem wherever he goes.

Thanks, Greg!

Maverick DVD

MAVERICK was an incredible TV series that was way, way ahead of its time. This DVD sampler is nice... but it's no substitute for a feature-packed DVD boxed set produced by someone like Paul Brownstein (who did the amazing GUNSMOKE, WILD WILD WEST and DICK VAN DYKE boxed sets). But if Warner Brothers ever wants to do another MAVERICK sampler, let's see one that includes the "Shady Deal at Sunny Acres" episode from the original MAVERICK, the unsold ABC pilot THE NEW MAVERICK, the pilot from the CBS series YOUNG MAVERICK, and the first and last episodes of the NBC series BRET MAVERICK. Seeing "Shady Deal" and the last episode of BRET MAVERICK (in which Jack Kelly makes a surprise appearance as Bart) would make nice bookends to the entire MAVERICK saga.

High Praise

THE 12 O'CLOCK HIGH LOGBOOK by Allan Duffin and Paul Matheis is an amazingly detailed analysis of every version of 12 O'CLOCK HIGH (what a great idea for a book). Whether or not you are a fan of the original 12 O'CLOCK HIGH novel,  movie or the TV series, this is a fascinating and informative look at how a single "property" was exploited across three very different mediums. Just the section on the TV series alone is worth the purchase price for the informative, inside glimpse at how the show was developed and produced, from pilot to cancellation. This book is a must-read for TV geeks like me... as well as any student of television.

Mr. Monk and Natalie's Blog

My latest Natalie Blog is now up on the USA Network site.

Agent 007, eh?

My friend David Breckman wrote and produced a hilarious pilot for USA Network called UNDERFUNDED, about a spy for the Canadian Secret Service (yes, they have one).  He's still waiting to hear if USA is going to pick it up. But in the mean time, the Canadian Broadcasting Company (yes, they have TV networks up there) has announced that production has begun on INTELLIGENCE, a Canadian drama series (yes, they still have a couple shows of their own up there) about, you guessed it, Canadian spies (yes, they have them). The show is from Chris Haddock, the Canadian Steven Bochco, with financial help from every Canadian government entity except, it seems, the Department of Fish & Game.

“Intelligence takes place in the underworld where crime and government meet. Part mystery, part thriller, all character and conspiracy,” says Haddock. “It’s a new and volatile mix of gangster and spy genres that should be pretty addictive. It’s gonna be a lot of fun to watch.”

Intelligence is a Haddock Entertainment production produced with the financial participation of CBC, Telefilm Canada, the CTF - License Fee Program, the Canadian Western Independent Program Fund, the Canadian and British Columbian Production Tax Credit Programs and CBC International Sales.

Mr. Monk and the Signings

I started my day out at Mysteries to Die For in Thousand Oaks, where I signed copies of MR. MONK GOES TO HAWAII. I was joined by my old friends Terry Erdman & Paula Block, who were signing their book, MONK: THE OFFICIAL EPISODE GUIDE. A lot of friendly and enthusiastic folks showed up, including the shockingly bald Mark Baker, Monk Superfan-of-the-Week Tami and Monk Fun Page Mistress Teresa, who schlepped all the way down from San Francisco with her dashing boyfriend, photographer, driver, and nurse in tow. We talked about all the usual things -- Monk, BREASTS, Diagnosis Murder,  bowel movements, publishing, bowel movements, TV production,  BREASTS, studio licensing  and mid-western cheerleaders (which is really just another way of saying BREASTS).

All the talk of BREASTS at the signing actually came up because of an Amazon review. The reader was upset that BREASTS were mentioned in MR. MONK GOES TO HAWAII. I think she may be the same reader who was upset that BREASTS were mentioned in MR. MONK GOES TO THE FIREHOUSE, too.  I have a feeling she's really not going to like my next Monk book, MR. MONK AND THE ENORMOUS BREASTS, where I am sure to mention BREASTS more than once. Maybe twice.

From there, we hurried across the valley and over the Sepulveda Pass to The Mystery Book Store in Westwood, where we did more of the same. We were hosted by Linda, Bobby, and Ken Levine's lovely daughter Annie, all of whom, unlike the Naked Bookseller of Quartzsite, were clothed. However, I believe they are rethinking this policy and exploring the competitive possibilities of becoming LA's first clothing-optional mystery bookstore.

Mr. Monk Goes to the Well

Chris Well has given MR. MONK GOES TO THE FIREHOUSE a warm review. Here's an excerpt:

Novelist (and TV writer) Lee Goldberg does a remarkable job of capturing the wit and spark of the series, while exploring the possibilities that come with a different medium. The story is told from the point of view of Natalie, adding more layers to the narrative than possible in a regular episode.

Thanks, Chris!

My Ending is Beautiful, too

During a Q&A at Lincoln Center, Jane reports that author T.C. Boyle took on book critic NY Times book critic Michiko Kakutani for not liking his new novel TALK, TALK.

On Talk, Talk's ending and Michiko Kakutani's recent attack on it in the New York Times: "The ending is beautiful, no matter what you might have heard from one bitter, acerbic individual who's miserable with her bleak reviewer's life.  She wanted a more shoot-'em-up ending.  But I think you'll find the book's ending is a lot subtler, and a lot more beautiful, than that.  Here, I'll read it for you so you can judge for yourself. I'll read the last sentence backwards because I don't want to spoil it: "Her behind in crowding universe the in sky blue the all with, ascendant, him to next right, there her put he and too smile a her gave he." Now you tell me, isn't that beautiful?

(To be fair to Boyle, the Jane poster acknowledges that the quote is not verbatim, he relied on notes, not a recording).

Miami Hell

Kim Masters at Slate Magazine looks at the troubled production of the MIAMI VICE movie.

on Miami Vice things went so wrong that Foxx ended up leaving in the middle of production, after a shooting (and we don't mean the kind with a camera) took place during filming in the Dominican Republic. Foxx refused to return for any more work outside the United States, meaning that Mann had to rewrite the ending, eliminating a version that was to have been shot in Paraguay.

"The whole of making this movie was filled with adversity," Mann says. But he adds that whatever the crew might have endured, it was all in the service of making a great film. "Sometimes folks are going to join this unit and they may have a tough time," he says. "Guess what? They're on the wrong movie."

The Santa Barbara News-Suppress

I've been following Kevin Roderick's excellent coverage of the destruction of the Santa Barbara News-Press by publisher Wendy McCaw. This is sure to become one of the more bizarre and colorful tales in the annals of Southern California journalism. Rather than recap all the surprising twists and turns for you... catch the latest over on Kevin's wonderful blog, LAObserved.

Superman Returns

SUPERMAN RETURNS reminded me of THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE --  I couldn't get past Brandon Routh's irritating and pointless Christopher Reeve impersonation. It struck me as a particularly stupid idea... it would be like doing a James Bond movie and hiring someone to do a Sean Connery impersonation. The imitation works for satire...but for a drama? I don't understand the thinking behind it. Why couldn't they just let Routh create his own, unique portrayal? At least Kevin Spacey and Kate Bosworth weren't forced into imitating Gene Hackman and Margot Kidder (though the performances by Spacey and Bosworth are surprisingly bland). 

By attempting to xerox the original SUPERMAN movie, all director Bryan Singer managed to do was force comparisons at every turn... and SUPERMAN RETURNS simply didn't measure up on any level.  I was constantly reminded how much better the first two movies were...and how genuine and charming Christopher Reeve's portrayal was.

Typepad Crash

Typepad, the service I use to host this blog, had a major database crash yesterday. As a result, some of the comments you left here in the last 24 hours have been lost (along with a couple of my posts). Sorry for the inconvenience.

New Destruction

Warren Murphy's THE DESTROYER series is going to have a new home. After a long, tumultuous relationship with Gold Eagle, Murphy is taking the hugely popular series to Tor Books, which will bring out THE DESTROYER in hardcover and mass market paperback, along with reissuing some classic titles in trade editions. Murphy will write the new books with James Mullaney, who has written 20 books in the series already. The news was announced in the Destroyer Newsletter, of which I am a proud subscriber.

"it's something new for us and for the Destroyer series.  But it's a far different publishing world out there than the one we started out with and you either grow or go away.  We've decided to grow.  That'll no doubt entail startup pains and getting used to a whole new set of systems and procedures but Jim Mullaney are I are looking forward to the challenge."

The Destroyer series was begun by Richard Sapir and Murphy back in 1971. Its first publisher was Pinnacle Books, followed by N.A.L. Signet and then, for the last ten years, by Harlequin Gold Eagle of Canada.  [...]Gold Eagle sought a book contract renewal from Murphy but he declined because, he said, "I didn't like the direction the books were taking."

 

The final Gold Eagle Destroyer, #145, is due out in October.  The first Tor book is scheduled for release in April 2007. 

Jumping into the Frying Pan

Bryce Zabel gives readers an inside look at the development and production of M.A.N.T.I.S., the first TV series about a black superhero.

Anyway, the deal was, "M.A.N.T.I.S." had started as a two-hour pilot, written by Sam Hamm (“Batman”) and directed by Sam Raimi (“Spider-Man”). The two Sams had a disagreement with Fox about how the series should go, and walked away from their own project. Fox still wanted to do the series, but somebody needed to make the changes and run the show. Both Hamm and Raimi were extremely gracious and understanding in the transition, nothing was made personal, and the series lived.

For me, that's a pure TV moment. Bryce mentions it casually...but it's outrageous and insane. And yet, this kind of thing happens so often in TV, we take it as normal. But think about it: Two guys create, produce and direct a pilot, praying that it will sell...and when it does, they end up walking away from the show. And Fox, who ordered the pilot and bought the show based on their vision, lets them go.  Now the studio and network have to scramble to find someone else... who wasn't involved with the show before... to take it over and supply a new, creative vision. Fast.  It's a thankless, no-win situation for the new showrunner but Bryce took it on and made the show his own.  Because he's a pro.  I've been in a similar position two or three times myself (SHE-WOLF OF LONDON, MARTIAL LAW, etc.) and you just dive in, do your best with as much enthusiasm as possible, and try not to think about all the landmines in your path.

No Excuses for Cliches

I received this comment to another post here two years ago and should have pulled it out for a stand-alone post then. Better late than never:

Seems to me that a lot of folks do use cliches quite commonly. With that in mind, wouldn't that show the writer was trying to portray realistic dialogue

No, it would simply show that the writer is using cliches. Just because real people speak in cliches, that's not an excuse to use them in your writing. Nobody is going to read a cliche and think "ah, the writer is capturing the way people really talk." They'll think "geez, what a lousy writer. He doesn't have the talent to write interesting dialogue."

The commentor also said:

I guess what I'm trying to state is that this appears to be a situation where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

When it comes to cliches, nobody is going to criticise you for NOT using them.

She Really, Really Cared

Tari Akpodiete pointed me to this posting on BoingBoing:

SF writer Lynda Williams sez, "My daughter (18) cared SO much about the ending of the Animorph series 'selling out' the readers that loved it with a nasty ending, that she has taken a whole year off school (sigh! be careful what you model!) to write an alternative ending as good as the books ever were! And she did it despite knowing it had to be considered fan fic and couldn't be a way to start a writing career -- just because she really, really cared."

She took a year off school to write fanfic? Good God, how stupid.

I'm sure some of you will say that I'm being a jerk, that the girl took a year off to hone her writing skills and complete a novel.

And to you, I say, it's fanfic.  I can see how you might write a short piece of fanfic for yourself  (ie not posted on the Internet or distributed to others) as a writing exercise. That could be useful and instructive. But spending a year toiling on a fanfic novel? That's just pathetic.  It's one step removed from becoming a Jareo.

It's shame her mother, a professional writer,  couldn't have given her daughter better guidance instead of encouraging her in this masturbatory and pointless pursuit (and, worse, being proud of it). 

Williams could have taught her daughter something about intellectual property, copyright and the importance of respecting the creative rights of other authors. It doesn't say whether the work was posted on the Internet...but I hope it wasn't. But if it was, I hope that Williams didn't congratulate her daughter on that, too.

Williams could have encouraged her daughter to channel her passion for "Animorphs,"  and the way she felt the story should be told, by creating an entirely original work of her own that perhaps embodied the same ideals and explored the same themes. That would have been a worthwhile, enriching, constructive use of her time, effort and passion.

Wouldn't it have been great if Williams' daughter took a year off and ended up with a finished novel of her own?  Now that would be something to be proud of. 

But an 18-year-old spending a year on fanfic?

I wouldn't be proud of that. I'd be embarrassed. 

The Name of Noir is Marlowe

Duane Swierczynski pointed me to an excellent Mystery File article about author Dan J. Marlowe. Duane writes:

Marlowe's life story has enough twists and turns for at least three or four Gold Medal novels. Marlowe was widowed at a young age, became close buddies with one of the most notorious bank robbers of the 1960s, and later in his career, suffered a stroke that wiped away his memory--but not his writing ability. Somehow, through all of this, he wrote some extremely fine hardboiled novels, the best being his first two Earl Drake books:  THE NAME OF THE GAME  IS DEATH and ONE ENDLESS HOUR. 

Duane is a right -- those are two great books. But if you read NAME OF THE GAME IS DEATH, and you must, be sure to get the first version, not the subsequent rewrite where some of Earl Drake's very, very rough edges were smoothed out so he could become (following ONE ENDLESS HOUR)  the improbable hero of a series of secret agent novels.

Man Titty

The hilarious Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels are at it again, reviewing some terrible book covers:

Sarah: It is a moderately-known fact that I had a breast reduction 11 years ago. 7+ lbs. of tissue were removed. I think he received in transplant what I had taken out.

Now, do you need inflated man-titty to be a demon hunter? Perhaps if I’d kept my old boobs, I’d be a demon hunter now.

Candy: If I were him, I’d be so worried about scratching my chest with those talons on my hands. I mean, what if I puncture something? It’s hard to be appropriately terrifying when there’s a jet of saline squirting out of one’s (rapidly deflating) chestal region.

Psyched up

The premiere of the new USA Network series PSYCH is the highest-rated opening episode of any new basic cable series this year. Bill Rabkin & I wrote an episode for PSYCH that will be airing later this summer.

In all, 6.1 million total viewers tuned in, scoring USA's best numbers since the two-hour "The 4400" debut harvested 7.4 million viewers in July 2004.

The news wasn't so good for MONK, which kicked off with strong ratings but they were the lowest season debut numbers since it's first season. One reason for the dip could be MONK's new timeslot -- the series was shifted an hour earlier to accomodate PSYCH. Bill and I have also written an episode of MONK, which airs July 28th.

Secret Agent Hasselhoff

You can't miss this -- David Hasselhoff's "Secret Agent Man" video. I laughed all the way through it, because I know that's really how he sees himself. Back when I was doing BAYWATCH, he told me all about his efforts to star in a new version of PETER GUNN.  He felt he was perfect for the role because he "embodied it."

(Thanks to Sara for the link)

The Lion's Share

There's an article in today's Los Angeles Times talking about how Lions Gate Television, my former employer on MISSING, manages to make a profit on their cable television shows.

But by employing financing formulas it has used to make and distribute such profitable, low-budget movies as "Madea's Family Reunion" and the "Saw" horror franchise, Lions Gate not only covered its costs on "Weeds" but also cleared what industry analysts estimate was about $100,000 per episode of pure profit.

[...]By cobbling together money from license fees, income from international sales, state and local tax rebates and subsidies, Lions Gate has at least broken even from day one on all nine of its shows — a rarity in a business where most network shows begin in the red.

It's interesting stuff. The TV division is run by the impossibily energetic Kevin Beggs, easily one of the brightest, friendliest, and most creatively supportive execs I've ever worked with. It's nice to see him getting the recognition he deserves.

Mystery Gumbo

Last night, my local chapter of the Mystery Writers of America had a summer party at author Bill Fitzhugh's house in the valley. We all sat outdoors in the warm night air under big, shady trees and strings of Christmas lights. Bill made three different kinds of gumbo and an array of tasty shrimp and crab appetizers, proving that if things ever cool down for him in publishing and radio, he can always open a restaurant.

I caught up with lots of folks, including authors Denise Hamilton, James Lincoln Warren, Diane Pugh, Gary Phillips, Theresa Schwegel, and Christa Faust, who told me all about her novelization of SNAKES ON A PLANE. Christa once wrote a 95,000 word FRIDAY THE 13th original tie-in novel in six weeks, and without ending up in the I.C.U., which I find pretty darn amazing. She has a tattoo of a vintage typewriter on her belly. I didn't see it there, but she told us about it, and I found a picture of it later on her website.  Christa told me some horror stories about  the brutal deadlines and low pay in the tie-in biz...then again, she loves telling horror stories of all kinds. She wore a dress covered with skulls that fascinated the kids at the party.

Denise Hamilton and I talked a lot about conventions -- she's already looking forward to Bouchercon 2007 in Anchorage.  We also talked a lot about dogs. We mystery writers are an exciting bunch. Denise and I are getting together in September "in conversation" for a Sisters-in-Crime event. I promise that that conversation will be more thrilling, suspenseful and erotic. She's hard at work on a new stand-alone novel that's due soon.

The lovely and charming Theresa Schwegel insists that winning the Edgar hasn't changed her, but I don't recall her insisting that people kiss her hand and refer to her as "your highness" before the award. I didn't mind. I don't think she has a typewriter on her belly.

As the night went on, I told the story about my broken arms once and the story about the Naked Bookseller twice. If I am going to keep going to these author gatherings, I am going to need some fresh material. We left around 9 pm when my daughter started to nod off...she had a full day of swimming, swimming, tae kwon do testing, swimming and swimming.

Bill gave everyone generous "To Go" bags full of gumbo and rice on the way out, so my lunch today isn't going to include another trip to The Habit where, oddly enough, I bump into Bill every so often.

It was  a great party. I hope Bill does it again next year.

UPDATE 7-11-06: Christa blogs about the party.

Mr. Monk and the Big Pile of Books

Tami, Monk fan extraordinaire, sent me this photo from a Barnes & Noble in Las Vegas.  It seems to me that MR. MONK GOES TO HAWAII is getting much bigger play at most B&N stores -- twenty or more copies prominently displayed -- than the first MONK book did. I hope they sell!

Thrilling Video

The ITW has put together a four-minute video, shot and edited by David Hewson at the convention, and posted it on YouTube. The video features short interviews Lee Child, Zoe Sharpe, David Morrell, Steve Berry,  Gayle Lynds and Heather Graham among other. Don't blink or you'll miss the shot of me signing books with Erica Spindler at the start of the video.