Masturbation!

"MarytheFan"  defends her search for masturbation fanfic and is applauded, in later comments on her blog, for being a classy gal ("Just wanted to say that I fangirl you madly at the class you're showing").  Anyway, MarytheFan writes, in part:

I have zero interest in a discussion with someone who functions on the middle-school level that equates masturbation with something stupid and pathetic that only losers do because they can't get anything better, rather than as one perfectly valid, healthy and fun sexual option in a smorgasboard of sexual options. Maybe if my actual masturbatory experiences had consisted solely of sad, pathetic situations in which I was a loser who was only masturbating because I couldn't get anything better, rather than situations in which I was enjoying my own body because holy good god, that felt good, I'd think it was a pathetic and loser activity. Guess what? You also don't go blind or have hair grow on your palms, in case anyone out there was still functioning furtively in the shadow of those old myths. Well, unless you poke yourself in the eye, I suppose, in which case, wow. Bendy, aren't you?

I have no problem with masturbation, Mary. It's healthy, feels good, and keeps Cinemax in business. What I find pathetic are people who masturbate over fanfiction that portrays TV and movie characters masturbating, and the people who write fanfiction about fictional characters masturbating, and people who would announce to the world that they are searching for fanfiction about TV and movie characters  masturbating that they can masturbate to.

This would also probably be a good time to, once again, mention Lindsay Lohan's nipples.