Wank Fic

The new, living definition of  "pathetic":  someone who searches the Internet for masturbation fanfic:

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to search for wanking fic? I mean, are there any useful search terms to use? Googling "masturbation" and "fanfic" turns up things from Lee Goldberg and his ilk, with the yadda yadda about how it's all some poor, unimaginative substitute for ... no, I'm not going to go there.  At any rate, OMG, rec me some fanfic with masturbation in it. Any fandom. It just needs to be hot and to involve someone touching themself in sexy ways.

After "MarytheFan" posted her fervent plea on LiveJournal, someone enthusiastically recommended DUE SOUTH masturbation fanfic.

I haven't read them in a while, but I recall there being a few damn hot ones in there.

I wonder if they include the dog.

(Thanks to Tig for the link)

Comments

[P M Rommel]

Surely if she was after wanking fic, of necessity the character would be alone. Unless the dog is a voyeur, for which there appears no evidence in canon.

[Jim Winter]

You know the view that having your stuff fanficced means they'll buy anything tied into your work?

Um... Nobody needs that much money. Even if they're broke.

[Alphabeter (my typekey is wonky)]

Lee, have you heard of RPF and RPS-Real Person Fics/Slash?

Heaven help a dedicated fan of yours who decides to write fic about you. It could give the internet "shower nozzle material for weeks", to paraphrase a rather infamous 'Heathers' line.

Though come to think of it any real follower of yours wouldn't be into fanfiction.

[Lee Goldberg]

Yeah, I've blogged jere before about Real Person Slash and Dr. Robin Reid, the Texas State University English teacher who writes the crap.

[Lee Goldberg]

Yeah, I've blogged jere before about Real Person Slash and Dr. Robin Reid, the Texas State University English teacher who writes the crap.

[Harry Connolly]

Though come to think of it any real follower of yours wouldn't be into fanfiction.

Lee has followers?

Is he L. Ron Hubbard now?

[P M Rommel]

Is he L. Ron Hubbard now?

If the cap fits... so to speak.

[Justin R. Buchbinder]

Man oh man is fan fic horrifying. Even scarier than hearing about Harry banging Draco Malfoy... now I've heard of DAILY SHOW FAN FIC.

I love Rob Corrdry, don't get me wrong, but the last thing I want to think about is how he likes to please Ed Helms and Samantha Bee at the same time.

Good God, there goes my breakfast!

Oh well, didn't want to use the keyboard anyway.

[Dave]

"Though come to think of it any real follower of yours wouldn't be into fanfiction.

Lee has followers?

Is he L. Ron Hubbard now?"

Well, we better come up with the name of the religion to take on Scientology.

Any suggestions?

Goldiology?????

Maybe some hard and fast rules that the followers have to follow?

Thou shalt not commit fanfic.

?

[Maggie Thatcher]

Oh Lee-
Think RPS is bad?
It gets even worse!

Bring a barf bag.

http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=we_love_hp_boys

[Alphabeter]

Oh yes, 'Dr' Robin, the privacy queen. Sorry for the reminder.

How abou The Churck {sic} of Goldberg with Lee as Grand Chief Poobah?
Second rule--Anyone related or who even has the name Goldberg must have a blog.

Ah yes, the pedophile fanfic, almost as fun as the pedophile RPS. The things that can be done with a broom and "Quiddich muscles"

[Micah]

The new, living definition of "pathetic": someone who searches the Internet for masturbation fanfic

Mr Goldberg, now that you've admitted that it is pathetic, are you going to stop?

Since before the internet, there was porn. Since.. the dawn of time, there have been people with.. um.. unusual fetishes.

Allow me to point out that there are books published from as early as the 18th centaury (that I've been able to find - during a 'Goldberg-type' search) which are, well, purely pornographic. That doesn't make published writing 'weird'/'horrifying'/'sick'. It's the porn that makes people uncomfortable when it's tossed up in their face. Well.. it makes most people uncomfortable.

[Fingers]

Or the Teletubby fanfic with a *M* (?mature) rating over at fanfic.net.

I'm not providing direct url's as well you just need to explore the story summaries for oneself...

[Chadwick H. Saxelid]

You know, my blog just had someone look at it via the must unsettlingly search.

"kolchak nasty fan fiction"

Slightly less disturbing (because, you know, I can understand the allure) was the hit on my "Surface" thread...

"Leighton Meester naked"

Wanks.

[Adrienne]

Now what is wrong about Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy banging?

[Chadwick H. Saxelid]

Now what is wrong about Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy banging?

Other than the fact that they're children? While you might get off on the idea of visualizing children having sex, I don't. I prefer consenting adults.

[kete]

"Other than the fact that they're children? While you might get off on the idea of visualizing children having sex, I don't. I prefer consenting adults."

The majority of fics decribing relationships between Harry and Draco take place either in their last school year (when they're both seventeen) or after the great Voldie-war when they're adults. I don't think that the idea of seventeen-year-olds being in love for the first time amounts to visualising children having sex.

Of course, as Lee likes to demonstrate the nastier aspects of fanfiction, his readers wouldn't know that. What about actually having an idea what you're talking about before making derisive comments?

kete

[Chadwick H. Saxelid]

Oh, is that how you justify it? Being a parent, I say/believe that seventeen still equals kid. So does the law in most states, btw. Creating the false illusion that these fictional characters are "adult," because they aren't, is just a nifty little dodge to help sweeten the bitter pill of the author's sick inner desire to want to watch these two child characters have sex with each other.

It's nothing more than a shallow excuse and, as my grandma said, "An excuse ain't nothin' but the skin of a reason stuff with a lie."

[kete]

"Oh, is that how you justify it? Being a parent, I say/believe that seventeen still equals kid. So does the law in most states, btw. "

I don't have to justify anything. I'm not a parent, but I've been a teenager and I remember that first time very well, which is why accounts of other first times don't bother me. Where I live you can marry with sixteen (if your parents consent) which certainly qualifies you to have sex with sixteen if you decide so.

"Creating the false illusion that these fictional characters are "adult," because they aren't, is just a nifty little dodge to help sweeten the bitter pill of the author's sick inner desire to want to watch these two child characters have sex with each other."

It's quite puzzling to me how you people always try to impose your own moral codex - which you're entitled to have - on every one else - which you're not entitled to do.

kete

[Chadwick H. Saxelid]

I don't have to justify anything. I'm not a parent, but I've been a teenager and I remember that first time very well, which is why accounts of other first times don't bother me. Where I live you can marry with sixteen (if your parents consent) which certainly qualifies you to have sex with sixteen if you decide so.

Heh, no it doesn't. Just as the guy who got his underaged girlfriend pregnant, crossed over into Kansas to marry her (with her parents blessing), returned with his wife...and was promptly arrested for statutory rape.

It's quite puzzling to me how you people always try to impose your own moral codex - which you're entitled to have - on every one else - which you're not entitled to do.

So, pedophilia and intellectual theft is okay by you? Oh-kay. Just don't try to impose your sick and twisted moral codex on me or my son. My life is clean, yours obviously isn't.

[kete]

"Heh, no it doesn't. Just as the guy who got his underaged girlfriend pregnant, crossed over into Kansas to marry her (with her parents blessing), returned with his wife...and was promptly arrested for statutory rape."

Well, thank god I'm European.

"So, pedophilia and intellectual theft is okay by you? Oh-kay."

No. pedophilia - as in real children getting molested - is absolutely not okay by me. But writing about teenagers in love is.

And intellectual theft is not okay, either. But fair use and storytelling is.

"Just don't try to impose your sick and twisted moral codex on me or my son. My life is clean, yours obviously isn't."

Your life is CLEAN?! BWAHAHAHA! I can't believe someone said that to me in reality!

Well, again, thank god I'm European!

But what about lying? Because you aren't a guy, Chadwick, dear. You're a woman and I think this Charlotte and mishima or whatever are your sockpuppets. But that's okay, isn't it? Because it's for a good cause. Cleanliness and godliness. And nutty Americanism.

kete

[Chadwick H. Saxelid]

But what about lying? Because you aren't a guy, Chadwick, dear. You're a woman and I think this Charlotte and mishima or whatever are your sockpuppets. But that's okay, isn't it? Because it's for a good cause. Cleanliness and godliness. And nutty Americanism.

Heh. I really needed a good laugh this morning, thanks.

[cordy]

*I wonder if they include the dog.*

You do Dief is wolf right? And no I've never seen anything involving beastialty in this fandom ever. And I've been in it since there was fandom. Not everyone one is as disgusting as you.

[Bill D]

Rofl Chadwick, 17 is legal in England and Harry Potter is set in... England.

Paedophilia indeed. Talk about trivialising a serious issue.