A Writer's Life

The Mail I Get, The Sequel

I got an email the other day from a writer who had come up with a MONK scene he wanted me to read to see if either I, or the producers, would use it in a book or episode. The scene was attached to the email. I deleted the message without reading the scene (for obvious legal reasons). I sent him a note telling him that was what I had done. I also told him that there really isn't a market for individual scenes. He replied:

If it helps at all, I didn't write it with the thought of fiscal renumeration. Would it make any difference to consider it as a friendly collaboration among writers? You can have it. Tweak it, rip it up and start over, whatever. Frankly, with my career just getting off the ground (Some short fiction published, and I have a novel being reviewed by an imprint of Simon & Schuster), even giving this away is beneficial to building my 'name.'

It makes me cringe when aspiring writers think someone is going to be impressed that they sent their manuscript in to a publisher and are waiting to hear from them(ie "under review at Simon & Schuster"). But I let that go and didn't mention it when I replied:

No offense intended, but I have no interest in seeing the scene or any other MONK material you may come up with. And if I may give you some advice, sending unsolicited scenes to authors and producers you don't know is unprofessional and is actually harmful to your reputation.  The best way to build your name is by writing good stories and getting them published or produced...not sending "scenes" to other writers and hoping they will incorporate them into their own work.

 

The Mail I Get

I got this email the other day:

Have you ever heard of "Writers Book Publishing Agency"? That's the name. Seemed a bit generic to me, so I am suspicious. Their web page indicates that they are a reletively new lit agency, and are seeking authors. Having tried to obtain an agent for a year now, they sound too good to bet true. Their client list went like this: Joe, who is an electronic engineer wrote his first book.....etc....etc.  Mary, a housewife, is working on her second novel in which she.....etc.....etc. I know the authors need their privacy - but.......does this not sound suspicious to you?

Of course it does. And it should sound suspicious to anyone with an iota of common sense.

They are a well-known scam that has also gone by the the names "Children's Literary Agency," "The Literary Agency Group, Inc" and "ST Literary Agency," among others. Your first tip-off that they aren't legit should be their name:  "Writers Book Publishing Agency." What reputable agency would call themselves that? Agents aren't book publishers.

If the name of the company wasn't tip-off enough, you'll notice they don't list a single author among their clients, only plumbers, housewives and, well, other suckers.

Writer's Beware lists the "agency" among their top twenty worst agents. You can find out more about them here:

http://www.invirtuo.cc/prededitors/warnlag04.htm

How good does your writing have to be to interest the Children's Literary Agency?

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8286

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8312

http://cs.writermag.com/forums/67920/ShowPost.aspx

http://www.underdown.org/researching-agents.htm

                   

The Power of Frak

Glen A. Larson is a genius. I'm not saying that because he created KNIGHTRIDER, FALL GUY, BJ AND THE BEAR, AUTOMAN, ALIAS SMITH & JONES and BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. I'm saying it because he created  the wonderfully subversive word "frak"...and got away with it.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA should go down in TV history just for that.

While ground-breaking shows like HILL STREET BLUES were using words like "scuzbucket" and "hairball" to get around the network prohibitions on profanity, Glen gave us "frak" and "feldergarb." No one noticed, or seemed to care, that he gave us words that were clearly stand-ins for fuck and bullshit because it was buried in a goofy, sci-fi show. But now frak has fulfilled all it's awesome, subversive power in the new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.

There is no doubt whatsoever that "frak" is "fuck." And the writers on the show use it exactly as they would use fuck. Frak this. Frak us. What the frak is going on? Unfrakingbelievable. Frak me...frak me now. Motherfracker.

Used like this, is frak any less powerful that fuck? No. Which is the beauty of it. Every time it's used, it shines a big fucking light on the absurdity of censorship. Because frak IS fuck, and everybody knows it. So what's difference does it really make whether you use either frak or fuck? None. It's a big fuck you to network censors, the FCC, and the idiots who are afraid of language.

And Glen A. Larson, the man behind THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO, gave us this. Pretty fraking amazing. He should get an Emmy just for that.

Monk Galley Giveaway

I have two extra, bound galleys for MR. MONK GOES TO GERMANY which I will be giving away at random.

Here's the deal...post a review of your favorite MONK novel on Amazon and send me a copy of it by June 1st at:  lee AT Leegoldberg DOT com.

I will put the names into a hat and select two winners at random to receive a signed galley. Please be sure to include your snail mail address in the email. Winners will be announced here.

Scribe Awards and How You Can Enter

The Fourth Annual Scribe Awards are now open for submissions. The Scribes, presented by the International Association of Media Tie-In Writers (www.iamtw.org), honors excellence in licensed tie-in writing—novels based on TV shows, movies, and games. Here are the submissions guidelines:

The Scribe Awards and How You Can Enter

The IAMTW will present SIX AWARDS in THREE CATEGORIES for books (& comic books and graphic novels) published in 2008. We will also honor one "Grandmaster" for career achievement in the field.


SPECULATIVE FICTION (Science Fiction, Fantasy, Supernatural Horror)

BEST NOVEL (original) - A licensed, original novel using pre-existing characters or worlds from a movie, television series, computer game, play, or an existing series of novels (i.e., new novels extending a literary franchise, i.e., DUNE, James Bond, etc.)

BEST ADAPTATION - A licensed novelization based on an existing screenplay, whether a feature film, episodic teleplay, computer game, script, or play.


GENERAL FICTION (Mysteries, Thrillers, Westerns, Suspense, Historicals, Psychological Horror, Romances)

BEST NOVEL (original) - A licensed, original novel using pre-existing characters or worlds from a movie, television series, computer game, play, or an existing series of novels (i.e., new novels extending a literary franchise, i.e. DUNE, James Bond, etc.)

BEST NOVEL (adapted) A licensed novelization based on an existing screenplay, whether a feature film, episodic teleplay, computer game, script, or play.


YOUNG ADULT (All Genres)

BEST ADAPTATION (defined as above)

BEST NOVEL (original) (defined as above)



GRANDMASTER (For Career Achievement)

The Fine Print Regarding The Categories…

 

For a category to go forward, three submissions leading to at least two nominations must pertain. In the case of a category falling short of submissions and/or nominations, entries will be transferred to the nearest appropriate category -- for example, BEST GENERAL (Adapted) category would go into an overall BEST NOVEL (Adapted) category that would include both Speculative and General submissions. 

In the case of BEST ADAPTED (YA) or BEST ORIGINAL (YA), should submissions fall short of the minimal two nominations requirement, entries would shift into either BEST SPECULATIVE (Adapted) or BEST GENERAL (Adapted), depending upon the genre.

In the event a combining of categories becomes necessary in a given year (i.e., BEST NOVEL Adapted) the judging committee is authorized (but not required) to give more than one Scribe, reflecting the combined categories, if the committee members feel such recognition is warranted.

Horror entries have been divided into "Supernatural Horror" under SPECULATIVE and "Psychological Horror" under GENERAL. This is a judgment call the authors and then committee chairs must make, depending upon whether a submitted horror novel is more grounded in reality than the fantastic. Should a committee chair reject a title on this basis, the chair will forward all copies of the submitted book to the appropriate committee chair, and inform the author of the decision.

Should the author already have submitted another title to the other committee, the author will be given the opportunity to choose which of the two titles he or she wishes to have considered (since we have a one-book-per-category submission limitation).

The future of the Special Game-Related Scribes will be decided after this year's Gen-Con. If we decide to continue this award, game-related submissions in the Speculative Original and Adapted Categories will be simultaneously considered by those category judges for the "Best Game-Related" Scribes. A gaming-related book submitted in those categories is simultaneously eligible for both the "regular" and "game-related" Scribe Award.

How The Scribes Are Judged

The judging committees are made up of three of your peers from within the organization, writers who know the unique obstacles and restrictions that tie-in writers face, because they are tie-in writers themselves. The judges will read all the submissions in their category and select both the nominees and the winners (a system patterned after the Mystery Writers of America, International Thriller Writers, and the Private Eye Writers of America, among others).

Rules for Submission

• Authors can submit multiple titles, but only ONE BOOK PER CATEGORY/ONE CATEGORY PER      BOOK (i.e. you can't submit the same book in two different categories or multiple titles in one category. Authors who've done several books in any one category need to pick the one title that seems strongest and submit only that).
• Only authors can  submit their books for consideration but we encourage you to have your      editors/publishers send the actual books on your behalf so you don't have to raid your author's copies or pay the postage.
• Judges can submit their work, but obviously not in the categories they are judging.
• The book must be a licensed work published for the first time between Jan 1, 2008 and Dec. 31, 2008. Only books with a copyright date of 2008 will be eligible for consideration. Though novels published through December 31, 2008, are eligible, entrants are required to get copies of eligible work into the hands of the category judges no later than December 1st, to allow adequate time to review the titles. Galleys are acceptable.
• All entrants MUST include a cover letter with each book. The cover letter must include      the following information: the Category you are entering, Title of the      Book, Name of the Author, Publication Date, Editor & Publisher, and      email & "snailmail" addresses and phone numbers for the  author and editor.
• A copy of all submissions—the book and cover letter—should be sent to each judge in the category you are  entering and to the IAMTW. Please send an email to tieinwriters@yahoo.com for the list of  judges and their mailing addresses. IAMTW members can find the list in the MEMBERS  ONLY section of the IAMTW site.
• Submission is free for any IAMTW member. Non-members must pay a $10 fee for each submission to cover our costs (payable via Paypal or by check to IAMTW, PO  Box 8212, Calabasas, CA 91372).
• A list of all  the books submitted will be posted on the IAMTW site and updated regularly. The      nominees will be announced, to entrants and the media, in March 2009. The Scribes  will be awarded in July 2009 at a location and date TBD.

TV Main Title of the Week Special Edition

Apparently, I've already posted the main title I featured yesterday...so here's another to make up for the flub.

TV Main Title of the Week

The Sandwich

The towncar driver who picked me up at the Grand Hyatt in Manhattan yesterday asked me if I'd like a Chinese sandwich before heading out to the airport.
"No thanks," I said. "I just had lunch."
"It's not food," he said. "It's the greatest experience of your life."
"What is it?"
"It's two naked Chinese women covered with soap bubbles who hug each other...with you in between. You can go as far as you want with them."
"No thanks," I said.
"Are you sure?" he said. "It's something you'll remember when you're old, sitting in your rocking chair, and it will bring a smile to your face."
"It's not my kind of thing," I said.
"Are you gay?"
"Married."
"So what?" he said. "She'll never know."
"I will," I said.
He grinned. "That's the point."
"I'm really not interested."
Actually, I was very interested. Not in experiencing the Sandwich for myself, but I wanted to know if he'd done it, how many of the men he drove around took him up on the offer, and how many of them got a sexually transmitted disease. But I couldn't bring myself to ask.
"You mean to tell me you've never played around?" The driver asked.
"Nope," I said.
"How long have you been married?"
"About twenty years," I said.
He stared at me in shock. "How do you do it?"
I shrugged.  "It doesn't take any effort at all."
"Because you don't like sex?"
"Because I love my wife," I said.
He shook his head. "That's really sad. You only live once, you know."

The Edgars

One of the great things about the Edgars, besides meeting so many terrific authors, is all the free books you get when the ceremony is over. I just lugged up to my room two bulging bags of books to send back home. But you don't want to hear about that, you want to hear about the Awards...

Well, as Edgar chair, I've known who the winners are for a while now and I nearly bit off my tongue not leaking the news to Tana French and Susan Straight that they were winners when I met them at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books last weekend. Also Matt Nix, executive producer of BURN NOTICE, won as well...news that my brother Tod (who is writing the BURN NOTICE books) and my publisher Kristen Weber (who is publishing the BURN NOTICE books) would have loved to have known in advance. That's Tana and Matt in the photo to the left and the Southern California contingent of MWA in the photo to the right... Jim Warren, Naomi Hirahara, Leslie Klinger, Pat Smiley, Doug Lyle, Deborah  Atkinson and yours truly.

Al Roker was a funny host, and he even said "fuck" a few times, which is kind of weird to hear coming from him. As a number of people noted, he was like a thinner, blacker, Tod Goldberg.  I sat with my agent Gina Maccoby and my publisher, which is always nice, and I did a lot of schmoozing before the event, though I was too tired to hang out in the bar afterwards.

Galleycat's Ron Hogan has posted more pictures from the pre-Edgars reception here.

A complete list of winners follows after the jump.

Pre-Pre-Published

Today I went out to Summit, NJ to visit MONK creator/showrunner Andy Breckman and his staff. They aren't exactly keeping a low-profile in town, as proven by the picture on the left of their building (click on the picture for a larger image). On the train ride out there, I came up with the plot for MONK #8 which, much to my relief, Andy liked. We talked for an hour or two about the murders for the book and then I sat in to hear the beats for the 100th episode -- it's g0ing to be a great one.

I returned to Manhattan in time to attend the MWA's Agents & Editors party, where I ran into Mel Berger, who was my first agent ever, and chatted for a bit with a woman who loves me, which is always a thrill.

At the party, author Twist Phelan told me that she'd met a woman today who introduced herself as a "pre-pre-published author" and said she was attending the Crime Writing conference to meet an agent.

"What does 'pre-pre-published' mean?" Twist asked.

"I have an idea for a book but I haven't started writing it yet," she said.

"And that's how you plan to introduce yourself to agents?"

"Yes," the woman said.

Twist said don't, and went on to tell her just how stupid calling herself  "pre-pre-published" was. That was definitely a new one on me.

If I Were a Rich Man

I flew to New York on Monday on Virgin America which, once again, was like flying in a synagogue. The plane was full of  orthodox Jews, though at least this time they didn't give  me a Bar Mitzvah (or whatever the ceremony was they performed for me on my last NY flight...and no, it wasn't a circumcision. Been there, done that). I had a wonderful dinner at Elaine's last night with writer, producer and bon vivant David Black and today the two of us did a panel together for the MWA's "Crime Writing University." Tonight I went to the booksigning for BLUE RELIGION, the MWA anthology, and   
schmoozed with Megan Abbott, Harry Hunsicker, Jason Pinter, Paul Guyot (who is in the picture with me), Michael Connelly, Lee Child, SJ Rozan, and many other authors. Tomorrow I'm getting together with the folks at MONK to talk about my next book...and then will attend the MWA's Editors & Agent's dinner.

TV Main Title of the Week

Davis Wins SFWA Presidency

International Association of Media Tie-in Writers member Russell Davis won the Presidency of the Science Fiction Writers of America in a landslide victory. This is very good news...and gives him the mandate he needs to make a lot of over-due changes.

We Are Family

The Goldberg siblings were out in force signing our latest books at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books. Tod and I were signing at the Mystery Bookstore while my sisters Linda Woods and Karen Dinino were over at the Borders booth. As usual, women threw their underwear at Tod and me while my sisters were deluged with cakes made by their fans. The cool Goldberg kids are wearing shades. Afterwards, Tod  hid out from Dr. Laura, who has been emailing him since he besmirched her on his blog, while my sisters were busy stalking Julie Andrews, who was taking the necessary precautions. I took the high road and had a cheeseburger with my daughter.

Never Sing Never Say Never Again

The Rap Sheet clued me into the recently "rediscovered," rejected theme for the 1983 Bond movie NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN sung by Phyllis Hymann and composed by Stephen Forsyth. To be honest, I don't think it's any better than the bland Lani Hall/Michel Legrand tune (performed in the video below) that the producers ended up using... but you can decide for yourself.

Writer Beware

Victoria Strauss has an excellent post up today on her Writer Beware blog with great advice for aspiring writers about what to look for before signing with a small press. It's a must-read for those considering signing with a POD press.

J.T Ellison also offers up some good advice today on How To Avoid Scams over on the Murderati blog:

The biggest problem new writers are faced with is desire. You've worked so damn hard, have slaved away writing your book, and you WANT to get it out to the reading public. We understand. We were there once too. But DO YOUR HOMEWORK! There are several easy steps you can take to ascertain whether the offer you've been approached with is legitimate. Because that's the problem with scams. The veneer of legitimacy can be shiny and obscuring.

Book Festing

I just got back from day 1 of the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books. I look forward to this event all year and, despite my vows to cut back on my book buying at the Fest, I always end up making several trips back to the car to unload my goodies...which included signed books by Richard Russo, Peter Carey, Richard Price, and Tana French and lots of architectures books. I ran into many old friends at the Festival today, and last night at the Mystery Bookstore party... authors like Lee Lankford, Paul Levine, Michael Connelly, Dick Lochte, Cara Black, Mark Haskell Smith, Naomi Hirahara, Bill Fitzhugh (who was on the way to an opening of a musical based on his novel PEST CONTROL) Bob Levinson (who I will be hanging out with in Owensboro Kentucky later this month), Loraine Despres, Thomas Perry, Denise  Hamilton, and Susan Straight. I also chatted for a while with Lisa Lutz, Susan Kandel, and Rita Lakin.

Tomorrow, my brother Tod and I will be signing at 11am at the Mystery Bookstore which, as fate would have it, is the same time our sisters Karen and Linda will be signing at Borders...and then Monday I head off to New York for Edgar Week.

But  I won't have my MONK book hanging over my head during the trip. I sent MR. MONK IS MISERABLE to my editors yesterday. On Wednesday, I'm having breakfast with MONK creator Andy Breckman to discuss my next MONK novel...I'm hoping to come up with a vague idea for it on the flight to New York.